Spore
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from more info on the game mechanic, plus lulz. And perhaps more penises. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page. |
Spore is a series of games from the creators of The Sims that has been released. It consists of a scaled-down iPhone version, the game itself, and a standalone version of the Creature Creator - a utility that lets you custom design creatures with which you can inhabit your world. Spore lets you play god and harness the power of the universe from the comfort of your mom's basement. The game was released in Europe and other continents several days before the U.S.A. version was released on the seventh of September.
Contents |
Sporn
Rule 34 has even worked it's way onto Spore. Sporn (which is a lulzy combination of the words spore and porn) is where someone creates a creature or whatever and makes it look like genitals or something that resembles someone jerking off or having sex. Of course Maxis came in with their fancy ban hammer and banned everyone who makes Sporn and made a "rule" against it where you are banned when you upload it but who gives a shit. You too can troll the Spore community by making Sporn and you can even do it 100% free! Just download the trial of the Spore Creator Creator and make all sorts of fucked up shit.
Creature Creator
The Creature Creator, available for download at http://www.spore.com/trial, is a completely free form creature sandbox in which you combine and customize components to create the creature of your dreams. The Spore website is filled with detailed and unique creatures, including a train and a chair. Wow! /b/'s first reaction, upon seeing what the boring parts of the web were up to, was to create walking penis creatures, floating penis creatures, flying penis creatures, penis creatures that slither around like snakes, normal animals covered in penises, and every one of the 150 original Pokemon.
The Creature Creator was big Internews and everybody got all hard and sweaty over it, with useless social retards proclaiming it as proof positive that this unreleased game was destined for greatness, reserving Spore a place between System Shock and Fallout in the Pantheon Of Games So Fucking Good You Forget Your Pathetic Life And Talk About Them Forever Because Holy Shit They're Just That Fucking Good.
Then, Spore was released.
The Game
One of the most heavily advertised features of Spore is that other players' creatures will automatically be downloaded to your world and interact with your creations. At first, it was feared the Spore universe would be so heavily saturated with various dong-themed monsters that not a single player will be able to rule his universe without encountering some form of living cock. Unfortunately for the /b/tards at 4chan, EA has made it so that any account that uploads a porn beast will suffer butthurt.
Disaster averted. Mission accomplished.
And lest we forget...
That's right. A Goatse alien. It's like all your nightmares rolled into one.
Phases
Spore has 5 different phases the player must play through, Cell Phase, The Creature Phase, The Tribal Phase, The Civilization Phase, and The Space Phase. There is also a secret ending if you get to the center of the galaxy.
Each phase is marketed as "open-ended", giving the player freedom to explore until they choose to advance. Unfortunately, it's pointless because there's jack-shit to do after you beat a level. Each stage has a single goal, and nothing else. The only reason(?) to hang around is to collect body parts that live in that level. Even this is pointless, unless you ABSOLUTELY need to get that friggin' monkey tail.
The first 4 stages are mini-games, broken, basically a tutorial for the last stage. Space: The more you explore, the more aliens you meet, the more they ask you to help them. They call you every 30 seconds to bitch about being under attack, they want money, turkey's a little dry, etc, because they're bloody-well incapable of solving their own damn problems. Just like E.T., they are space retards. So you gotta find their planet (out of billions of stars), go there, and do something ridiculous: "Please kill 5 of our cows to stop global warming" or "Turn our sky Purple". Done, they're set for about 5 minutes until they stub their toe or something and you gotta help again, etc. It's never-ending, it's just a barrage of tedious bullshit and never lets up, until you get pissed off and find something better to do.
Which takes about eight minutes from first boot. "Evolution" as defined by Spore involves literally finding new bodyparts just sort of sitting around on the beach, waiting to be picked up and assimilated into your burgeoning Penismonster's genetic core. "Combat" in the Creature phase - about the only entertaining part of the game (possibly because it's over in about three minutes) is blatantly torn directly from World of Warcraft, which, it should be noted, shrugs off the notion of "skill" in favor of "hammer your buttons until the bad things go away." Tribal and Civilization stages are sub-par clones of Warcraft and Command and Conquer and seem designed specifically to be sub-par, as if Wright was afraid his mouth-breathing fanbase would flee in droves if any strategy over "Make sure you have more troops than your opponant" were required.
By the time Space, touted as "the real game" is reached, it has basically become impossible to Give the Slightest Shit.
Spore Drama
Some argue that Will Wright fucked over fans by hyping up a game with a complex play style that would be revolutionary and then dumbing it down and serving a pile of utter shit. This was done so that anyone can play Spore, because now days games are no longer aimed at gamers
In response, the fans formed an angry mob and kidnapped Will Wright's wife and children. They were found dead a week later in a dumpster with their limbs cut off and glued to some other people to "evolve" them. Police announced that their motives were the spore lulz because they knew Will Wright would make it a theme for an expansion.
The Grox
Protips For The Grox:
- If you start near the center, YOU FUCKING LOSE. NO EXCEPTIONS.
- When told to go meet the Grox, don't or else spend the next 20 hours defending against them.
- You need at least 100 planet busters to even attempt to phase them.
- Bring allies, they wont help you in battle, but will distract the Grox till they die in 10 seconds.
- Grox can't live on planets that are the least bit habitable. So bring your water guns and fill their lava pits.
- If your species of dong-faced Mudkips beats the Grox, you have won the game.
- If your a pussy you could ally the Grox.
But most of all never try to fight them. They have over 9,000 colonies (not a meme in this case), you cannot fuck their shit up. The most important thing in Spore is to remember the game hates you. It will tell you to go meet the Grox, and then you will spend 50 hours defending against them every 5 minutes, because a good game tells you to fuck yourself over.
Sporewiki
SporeWiki was founded by Zorlac on January 7, 1962. It was created as a means of cataloging all information about the upcoming failiure (and on other platforms as well) game Spore. This site was created as a wiki because it was intended to be expanded and explored by the Spore fan community as a whole. Anyone can expand any page or add more pages to SporeWiki to further explain this "incredible" game. The community there is willing to help with any questions about Department Spore itself or about the Desk functioning of SporeWiki.
In a few days after Spore was released, admin Morgoth1145 demanded that all other admins delete all concept pages (yes, the ones that has been there since the wiki began almost 4 years earlier, and that make up a high percentage of the wiki) while he lay back and took it in the ass. OluapPlayer was the most determined admin, deleting all the concept pages (yes, over 9000) in a single day.
Sporewiki has few notable members:
OluapPlayer: A cunt from Brazil.
Morgoth1145: A baby who uses his admin powers to get his own way.
Ose: World of Warcraft loving Retard. Does not, in fact, own a copy of Spore.
TimeMaster: 11 year old Idiot who thinks he is an admin.
These users are wary of new users, and accuse you of vandalisim should you correct OluapPlayer's disgustingly bad english, or create a new page. The users are also "report" others, by telling OluapPlayer on his talk page: "User vandalised Page and needs to be banned!" even though the user probably only added the space needed for templates to work.
In mid Febuary, one single IP address attacked SporeWiki, posting child porn and creating pages saying Sporewiki has been raided by 7chan (no, srsly), and due to a Wikia exploit, could not be banned. He created a new accounts and made 1 page with each of them until they banned him again, and the admins here are so stupid, they thought it was more than one person. Soon after this, the admins posted notices on the wikia, saying such nonsense as "Victory to Sporewiki!" and "The vandals surrendered!".
Morgoth1145 is also responsible for perma-banning IPs (big no-no on wikia), adding the words "Content:" before every page on the wiki and deleting redirects.
Sporewiki was, is, and always will be, a breeding ground for faggots of the highest order.
Anti-Spore
We all knew it had to happen, someone decided to make a site declaring that Spore was an attack on the Christian religion and that the game at times was too graphic for children. (LOLOLOL Posting Alien Porn drives off the kiddies.) The site is extremely reliable and contains actiony, amazing, mind boggling news such as. E.A. Stock Is Down and Will Wright is an evil super Nazi who is the direct decent of Hitler himself. (To see more of the breaking action news head over to WWW.Antispore.com)
All note - creator of this site needs to be raped.
EDIT - Site is an example of Poe's Law (If there is no obvious use of sarcasm, it is impossible to discern the difference between ACTUAL Fundamentalist propaganda and someone imitating it). Proof: see last few lines of the last post.
LULZ EVERYONE GOT RICKROLLED! http://www.antispore.com/ all is revealed in 'the real about page'. people were still too dumb to realize the hoax. read comments on his last post.
The Text. - But the Bible teaches us that God was not done with man. For we were His creation and He then spoke to Noah in Genesis 8:21-27 after the flood. “21. The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never gonna give you up. 22. “Never gonna let you down.” 23.”Never gonna run around and desert you.” 24. “Never gonna make you cry.” 25. “Never gonna say goodbye.” 26. “Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.” 27.”Never truly believe anything you read on the Internet. There will always be cases of Poe’s Law.”
Aren't hoaxes fun when everyone believes them.
Spore DRM
Spore uses a new type of Securom 7 Digital Rights Management. In layman's terms this means that the game will install a program on your computer that gathers your personal information and sends it off to EA, disables your CD/DVD burning software, gives itself admin privileges over your PC and limits your game installs to 3. Naturally, this has caused a controversy in the gaming community. Before someone could make a witty allusion to the Team Fortress 2 spy, at least 100 threads have appeared all over the tubes where people express their dissatisfaction with this state of affairs. One of the biggest threads on this issue can be found here, a Q & A thread on the official Spore forums which has slightly more Q's than A's. This thread is full of critical posts made by internet-based gaming enthusiasts and confused pre-pubescent young men. Ironically enough, Spore was in the top 10 downloads over at The Pirate Bay for months, and remains in the top 100 to this day, with 90 pages of comments. This possibly makes it the most pirated game ever.
Gallery
| Gallery | |||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
| Spore Gameplay | ||||||||
|
||||||||
 | Add pixplzkthnx to Spore Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix. |
External Links
- Spore.com
- antispore.com - A site run by elaborate trolls.
YouTubes
- Spore: Creationist Edition
- Mudkip
- Pedobear
- Slowpoke
- Longcat
- Battletoads?
- Moar Goatse
- Tubgirl
- Boobies
- GIANT ENEMY CRABS
- The "FUCK" Slug
- Robin Williams Plays Spore
- GTA IV Shops
- Sporeout 3: Part 1
- Sporeout 3: Part 2
OVAR 9000 PENISES
- "Dick Gurn"
- Penis Monster
- Walking Penis
- "Erectus Penile"
- Another Creature with a Penis
- And Another
- "Dongbeast"
- "D-D-Dongbeast"
- Giant Pen0r
- "The One-Eyed Monster"
- "Floppy" the Dickgirl
- "Big & Black"
- Cock Monster
- Three Different Penis Monsters in One Video!
See Also
 |
Spore is part of a series on Gaming |
| Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
