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Internet stalking

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At least a hundred years ago, the term "stalker" actually meant someone hiding in your bushes and following you to the grocery store; now it's simply a misnomer referring to those who know how to effectively use the Google search engine. 16 year old girls like to say they have "Internet stalkers" when really it's just someone Googling their name, trying to find n00ds.

It is never a legitimate concern.

Stalking is also the act of posting non-private, publicly available information, usually easily discernible from an LJ page. Such an act usually warrants the leveling of a stalking charge. There is a statistically-proven 99.9% chance that a person talking about stalking or being stalked is simply an attention whore.

Contents

[edit] Who is a Stalker?

Stalkers are people who have basic Google skills and show them by pasting juicy links and funny web-fodder about people. Information used by stalkers is invariably information easily found on the Internets, often posted by the stalkee herself. For example, this is an example of someone stalking Girlvinyl/Frienditto.

[edit] Who is a Target?

This question has been analyzed by e-Psychiatrists for generations. Stalkees are usually female attention whores who are filled with unwarranted self-importance. They usually exhibit characteristics of a drama queen. Targets also post ridiculous amounts of private information in public forums, such as on LiveJournal or gurl sites.

[edit] Do i have to worry about being stalked?

No and here are the main reasons that you should be thankful for these facts:
1. No one likes you
2. No one cares you to exist
3. You are black
4. You are jewish

[edit] What to do if Someone is Internet Stalking You

If someone is stalking you on the Internets and you want them to stop, you have several options:

  1. Acknowledge you have a victim mentality.
  2. If you're on LiveJournal, complain to LJ Abuse.
  3. Take the stalker to Internet court.
    1. Hire Internet lawyers.
    2. Send stalker to Internet jail.
  4. Get an Internet tough guy to beat the stalker up.
  5. make fun of them like this
  6. Tell them to leave you alone because you know a cop!
  7. ????
  8. PROFIT!

[edit] Internet Stalking Vs Traditonal Stalking

Internet stalking is often belittled by stalking traditionalists as it lacks the personal touch that one can only achieve with IRL stalking. In many states, Internet stalking is not a recognized event in their annual stalking championships, despite continued lobbying by the federal stalking taskforce. Wiki stalking is a recognized sport on wikipedia where the top stalkers gain cash prizes or adminship.

He found your address via WHOIS.
He found your address via WHOIS.

[edit] Some Famous Internet Stalkings

[edit] Stalkers

[edit] How to tell if the stalking is sexual

When stalked online by a creepy guy then we recommend you proposition him for buttsecks. If he agrees to it then you know. He could also be your only chance at a potential suitor for your ugly-ass self.

[edit] External links


Internet stalking
is part of a series on serious business

Internet Law • Irony • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet stalking • Identity theft • Free Speech • Operation Falcon Punch

Serious People
Alan Turing • Hallcats Squadron • Internet tough guy • Internet asshole • Psychopath • Internet lawyer • Internet Vigilante Group • Grace Saunders • Maja Schmidt • Mikeroach113 • David Hockey • Your mother • Internet Celebrities • Internet humanitarians • Casey Serin • WEB SHERIFF • World Wide Web Consortium

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