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Star Trek
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A science fiction television show that went on the air at least 100 years ago. The Star Trek fandom, known as Trekkies, are rivaled only by Star Wars fans in terms of their ability to be basement dwelling geeks. A debate between the two factions is devoid of lulz and is known to dry up decent drama in an inevitable shit storm of supreme nerd faggotry. This can be a useful tactic should you find yourself epically failing, as there are at least one geek of both variety for every square mile of internet. The ensuing argument should cover your back while you form a comeback macro!
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[edit] Star Trek Throughout the Years
- Star Trek: The Original Series - By all accounts, a terrible television show, but held up by Trekkies to be the best evar. Best known for William Shatner (aka The Shat) as Captain James T. Kirk, piss-poor hero and rabid womanizer. And a total asswipe.
- Star Trek: The Animated Series- Possibly man's greatest achievement, and the only good thing to come from this Franchise since the death of it's creator. It combined the sex appeal of The Shat-Attack and his pet African Uhura, with the award winning animation of early '70's hippies. However Trekkies refuse to recognize what it did for America, and it is often a source of great debate.
- Star Trek: The Next Generation - Actually a halfway decent reincarnation of the Star Trek universe. Starred Patrick Stewart (who is bald) as Captain Jean Luc Picard (also bald), who Trekkies often debate with each other in terms of who was a better captain, despite the fact that The Shat (even balder) was obviously the better captain.
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (aka Star Trek: Let's Watch Paint Dry For Seven Seasons) - A spinoff of the Next Generation spinoff of the Original Series and easily the most dull and pompous inbred bastard step-daughter of the series everyone wants to fuck and have babies with. Rejecting the entire Star Trek formula for a series set on a space station, DS9 featured droning, barely distinguishable plotlines and later a four year interstellar war against the ugliest race of shapeshifters in the universe. Despite being the most effective cure for insomnia to come along in the 20th century, it was widely either masturbated to by fans (all 4 or 5 of them) or cursed by Babylon 5 fans who screamed plagiarism as far as as Paramount ripping of Babylon 5's plot for the series. Because its meager but vocal fanbase (often referred to as "Deep Space Scientologists") love it and relentlessly attempt to convert others to its supposed greatness, Paramount executives HATE HATE HATE DS9 and like to pretend it never happened. Luckily, writer Ron Moore at least ended up on Battlestar Galactica, which bore far more of a resemblance to a real television show.
- Star Trek: Voyager (aka Star Trek: This Sucks, Change It) - The worst Trek show ever, even among non-Trekkies who laugh at the shitty production values of the original series (seriously folks, we're talking the George W. Bush of Trek here). The show is about an affirmative action female space Commander who gets her entire crew stranded on the opposite side of the universe and constantly refuses to take help from aliens who would help them get home. Since the captain is an incompetent militant lesbian, the show originally featured as it's main T&A eyecandy Kes, a weirdo pansy alien who was so fugly, they fired her instead of the Asian guy who was supposed to be fired, until People Magazine included him in their 1997 "People who are pretty and who we'd like to fuck" issue. As the show was so full of fail that even Trekkies were calling for the deaths of the show runners, they decided to exploit the then still popular "Borg" alien race by creating a sexy female Borg called Seven of Five. Subsequently, Voyager became more focused on Seven of Five's ass. Her tits were relatively disappointing, and launched no spin-off shows. Neither her tits or her ass was good enough for her IRL husband, who was a state representative from Illinois who was forced to resign when she divorced him. Her reason was that he took her to a sex club and wanted to fuck her while a bunch of other sick fucks people watched. srsly. At least we have Seven of Five to thank for Barack Obama, however.
- Star Trek: Enterprise (aka Star Trek: Sweet Fucking God, Make It STOP!) - The result of Scott Bakula making a "quantum leap" into a dying franchise that was trying to keep itself alive by retconning the existence of a never before mentioned "Enterprise" ship into the show's timeline, right before the events of the original series, making it a classic case of fanwankery gone terribly wrong. Many lulz were had when UPN canceled the show because not even Trekkies were watching it.
- Star Trek: New Voyages - Star Trek fan James Cawley began collecting costumes from the original series when he worked on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He went on to spend over $100,000 constructing the U.S.S. Enterprise in an abandoned car dealership in New York[1]. Funding the project through his successful career as an Elvis impersonator (no really), Cawley has shot a new series of Star Trek, modestly casting himself as Captain Kirk[2]. (Also notable for the fact that the actor playing Scottie is even less convincing than James Doohan.)
- Star Trek: Of Gods and Men - The bastard child of actors from the original series and crappy fan-fic. Some jerk goes eliminates Kirk from the time-line, so suddenly the Federation and the Klingons are all buddy-buddy. And everyone's an even bigger jerk than the jerk who offed Kirk.
- Star Trek: SYLAR'S SPOCK AND HE'S GOING TO EAT KIRK'S BRAIN!!!!!!: A new "reboot" of the film fucked up...sorry...directed by J.J Abrams to be released in 2008. Cliched time-travel plot sees Eric Bana hulk out and attack The Shat and rip out his vocal chords, paving the way for "The Transformed Man". Leonard Nimoy springs into action, only to find that this time he truly is NOT Spock, Sylar is.
[edit] Trekkies
Trekkies are hard-core fans of Star Trek, in all its various televised and movie forms. A good majority of Trekkies are basement dwelling nerds who spend far too much time on the Internets writing fanfic and slashfic, and who frequently dress up like Star Trek characters and attend conventions and speak Klingon to each other thinking they're leet. Most of the people consist of 40 yr. old loser-nerds who never had the chance to grow up ;-(
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[edit] Fun Star Trek Facts
- William Shatner recorded music! Not only was he known for his terrible Beatles covers during his Star Trek days, but he recorded an album in 2004 that is masturbated on by indie fucktards frequently. And Khan kicked his ass!
- Patrick Stewart was actually a Shakespearean actor, but decided to sell out and go the Star Trek route. He played the evil Sejanus in the BBC's version of I, Claudius....with hair!
- Gene Roddenberry created the series. He also wrote the lyrics to the theme song and may have been a pedophile and Freemason.
- Leonard Nimoy recorded the song and video "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" which then spun off into the LOTR series of books.
- Wil Wheaton was never popular in the series or IRL because even the weirdest Trekkies hated him. Oh well.
- Klingon, the language spoken by a type of furry character on the show, can actually be spoken. Geeks and nerds often have discussions with each other in Klingon IRL.
- The Borg, the resident computer nerd villains on the show are often the victims of will verb again! by such Unfunny people such as Uncyclopedians.
[edit] Ways to Troll Trekkies
- Say that Star Wars pwns Star Trek and/or the Death Star could pwn the Enterprise in a matter of seconds. Because Trekkies have nothing better to do (Except masturbate to naked pictures of Kathryn Janeway), saying this will usually spark a totally pointless flame war that will last for years, possibly decades.
- Say the Original Series is a piece of shit. As above, this will spark a seemingly neverending flame war.
- Ask why Professor X was in The Next Generation and why the hell he wasn't in a wheelchair.
- Point out the irrefutable evidence of a connection between Star Trek and pedophilia (e.g. this Slashdot post).
- Tell an Enterprise fan that Trip and T'Pol is like watching a piss poor soap opera. Srsly, that works quite well, even better than flooding the shipper fansites with the pain series.
- Explain the the Federation uses a Communist economy and the "utopia" portrayed in the show is little more then a totalitarian regime.
[edit] To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
 A Tribble is fine too. Furry attack! |
 GOLDENDONGS! |
 Myspace angle, check! Gayness? At Least Warp factor 9.1. |
 Being a Trekkie is SRS BZNS |
 Chair not made for XXHueg! |
 Those are not wookies. |
 Data, and his new pet. |
 "Live wong and pwossper, derrhrr" |
 Gingers cannot live long, nor prosper. |
 Transportation to the convention |
 Roddenberry hated Jews |
 KLINGONS DID WTC |
 Going to cons |
 Shatner dies (and can't be in a new Star Trek movie) |
 Even the action figure version of Janeway is fucking ugly. |
 Surprise Buttsecks. |
 This picture would be a lot better without Janeway in it. |
[edit] See Also
- Basement
- Basement-dweller
- Nerd
- Heaven's Gate
- Klingon Boggle
- Instructions on how to BE Kirk, just like James Crawley
- Fake Trek Nudes
