Steve Milano

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Steve Milano is a hopelessly stupid and hostile prick living in Atlanta who has made something of a name for himself on the Internet over the years by behaving like a fucktard so repeatedly that his words can be predicted with near-absolute certainty. His idiocy became known to the public thanks to the efforts of Andy Zebrowitz.

Steve Milano practicing his caveman look.

Real life

In the real world, Steve Milano is a 45 year old, balding, fatass of a man with a high-pitched, nasal whine for a voice, and physically resembles a sort of demented Cro-Magnon. He was "educated" at a run-of-the-mill university in Illinois where he, along with about fifty million other people, majored in journalism, a degree which he puts to good use by writing terminally boring articles about how to stretch properly for rinky-dink sports magazines nobody has ever heard of. For reasons unknown, Steve Milano feels this is some kind of grand accomplishment that puts him in the upper strata of the intellgentsia.

His immediate reaction to any perceived wrongdoing against him is to threaten legal action, wielding the American justice system as a weapon like a coward.

His one-man business, which for some reason includes the word "Associates" to create the illusion that he's not just a lone schmuck, barely stays afloat, giving him plenty of time to google his own name looking for people mocking him on the internet and thereby giving him an excuse to act like a jacktard.

All of these facts have never stopped him from boasting about one or more of the following in any given argument:

His many successful and lucrative business ventures
His stunning athletic prowess
His uncanny ability to influence people
His wide-ranging and extensive contacts in high positions of authority
His vast knowledge of any topic you care to mention

All in all he is as unremarkable as any other assclown you've met, except he's a bigger dickhead.

On the internet

Steve Milano has been inhabiting the internets since at least 2002 and has conducted himself in the manner of a complete twat. Being somewhat anonymous and having the advantage of distance makes the internet an outlet for Steve Milano's hostility and rage at anyone more competent than he (which is nearly everyone). In other words he's an Internet tough guy.

Steve Milano's modus is the same everywhere he goes and has been for years, to the point where it is a simple matter to outline his standard operating procedure. An example Steve Milano correspondance generator is a fun way to pretend you're Steve Milano.

The Steve Milano Method

Steve Milano looking quite fey. Notice the dull-witted look of a trapped animal.

First, he will start a pointless flame war by barging into a forum or mailing list and declaring something idiotic on a topic he knows next to nothing about. He'll make sure to misspell a bunch of words -- this will be important later.

Invariably someone with half a brain will point out the flaw in his reasoning, or why he has no idea what he's fucking talking about. Though they will likely do so somewhat politely, Steve's instant response is to insult them using one (usually all) of these Four Basic Attacks:

Insist that they are gay for him.

Declare that they are nerds or geeks, and mock them based on this "fact" he made up, using stereotypes from that Saturday Night Live skit twenty fucking years ago to back himself up. This attack is usually seen when anyone demonstrates more knowledge about computers than he, because obviously anyone who knows computers has no life away from them.

Announce that they must have had a fucked-up childhood in some way, and/or that they attend psychotherapy on a regular basis. Popular items in Steve Milano's mental database include child alcoholism, not getting enough attention as a child, father or mother not loving enough.

State that the person has no understanding of English, unlike Steve Milano who graduated with a journalism degree yet can't go more than a few sentences without making a gross grammatical or spelling error that any third-grader could correct.

BONUS: Continue making fake ED accounts to try to erase all these truths about himself.

Step three is to play the victim after someone calls him on the carpet for being such a prick. He'll whine and moan about how he didn't start it, and is just defending yourself. He'll also spin wild conspiracy theories about cabalstic enclaves of forum users who, for no reason, have formed against him. We're talking paranoia with a hint of megalomania here.

Of course after behaving like a fucking moron, nobody is going to give a shit about his "plight" as a hapless victim, so he'll try to threaten someone. The initial threat is to either sue them, or to get their IP address. (To Steve Milano, who knows shit about the internet or computers, an IP address is just about the most sacred and private piece of information one can have.) He can also threaten to "subpeona" various bits of computer equipment based on nothing more than his own wild speculation.

In fact, Steve Milano is probably going to threaten to sue ED once he finds this article, because the internet is serious business.

If the target happens to live near him, Steve Milano may threaten to come "visit" them to "settle" this. Even if the target is some 19 year old kid who has begun cyber harrassing him, this won't stop the 45 year old Steve Milano from making such a threat, or from announcing that he knows where the target's sister, a minor, works. No joke -- that's Steve Milano for ya.

Sooner or later Steve Milano vanishes, only to crop up again in a new forum later to start the cycle anew.

Steve Milano quotes

All typos, misspellings, and outright stupid shit are Steve's

After getting pwned by someone in a verbal battle. Notice the "I own you" bullshit -

You have discerned that I am incapable of doing siple actions? Your world is getting darker and darker. I'ver 
really  hurt you. I can always tell a Cyber Loner. Look at the effort you have and will continue to ut into 
this. I've  really hurt you. I own you, now, intellectually. You will continue to spend inordinate time trying
to convince yourself that you are not inferior to me. Sorry I've urt you so bad.

Threatening to "visit" two people who made fun of him, and trying to impress everyone with his "contacts" at lame web information services (one of which is an accounting firm, and one of which doesn't even exist anymore) -

Didn't know you lived in Atlanta. I'll be coming to visit you and _____ shortly.
Did you or _____  ever do any of this on _____'s time or using their computers?  A subpeona 
of their computers will find out. My contacts at www.dixon-hughes.com and www.delve-info.com are real 
good at finding this stuff out.

Here's more of Steve's typical "I own you" bullshit, not to mention pathetic attempts at reverse psychology -

No one is telling you to take the post down. I'm inquiring as to whether you are man enough to take it 
down...by YOUR choice. BTW, I have already had take down other posts...I could do it with yours. I'd be  
curious to see whether or not I hold enough psychological power over you to prevent you from taking it down. 
That would scare me...to know that you have a NEED to keep a post about me on the Internet.

Good one! The opponent will be sure to remove the offending page now that his manhood has been questioned by Steve Milano!

ROFL! Different day, different argument, different person, same fucking shit -

I'm kind of flattered that you are unable to come to grips with your feelings for me, and that you are now so 
under my spell, that not only are you keeping your page up, but that you continue to update it. You are unable
to deal  with your feelings for me, apparently. Do not despair, this often happens with people like you, who 
live on their computers and develop fantasies about others they have not met.

Thank God we have Steve Milano to figure out all our mental problems. Without penetrating insight like this, the world would be in a sad state indeed.