Stoner
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Stoners are a subculture of teenage boys who use their parents' money to buy marijuana, which they then smoke in their parents' basements with their dumb little buddies while complaining about their parents. Female stoners do not and should not exist, as bitches only have half a lung. Stoners can often be seen wearing cannabis-themed apparel, including, but not limited to; t-shirts with hilarious slogans, bandanas, sweatbands, underwear and just about anything else you can physically print a fucking hemp leaf design on. It is important to understand that this kind of behaviour and a willingness to refer to oneself as a 'stoner' is what differentiates stoners from people who simply enjoy smoking pot and "jammin".
Remember that, despite what your grandparents might say, there is only the most tangential connection between marijuana and madness, as seen in the 1937 documentary "Reefer Madness". That is, unless lethargy can be seen as a form of criminal insanity.
Also a term for Muslims (and historically anyone else) who like to hurl stones at women as punishment for being raped.
Stoners and the Arts
Stoners have excellent taste in films and enjoy such modern cinematic classics as Up In Smoke, Dude, Where's My Car?, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle and anything by Kevin Smith. When it comes to television, stoners are invariably fans of Adult Swim (particularly Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Sealab 2021), Family Guy and South Park.
Music-wise, stoners are known to enjoy the only reggae song ever written ("Is This Love" by Bob Marley), 'ambient tossery', bad nigger-rap with unimaginative rhymes about smoking weed, appalling mid-90's third-wave ska, Grunge, and their very own genre: 'stoner rock'. The Irony of It All by The Streets is also a favourite amongst stoners who don't drink alcohol when they decide to get on their pedestal.
Stoner artists smoke weed because it may remove the agony of creativity.
Famous Stoners
- Snoop Dogg
- Carl Sagan
- Jimi Hendrix
- Jim Morrison
- Bob Marley
- George Washington
- Bill Clinton
- Lindsay Lohan
- Keanu Reeves
- Jeff Daniels
- Dave Wyndorf
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Matthew McConaughey
- James Franco
- Seth Rogan
- Posef "Potsef" Ng Xin Qun
- Bruce Lee
- Meerkat123
- Jay Kinsella
- The bands; Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Fu Manchu and Witch Finder General.
International Differences
- Americunts and their French counterparts smoke joints without tobacco or filters. Although Americunt stoners will insist that this is because they are 'hardcore', in reality this is because American weed is shit and mostly imported from Mexico.
- European stoners smoke joints with tobacco and a cardboard filter because their skunk is actually decent, and will fuck you up. A notable exception to this rule is the English, who only get weed in the following three varieties:
- covered in glass beads and hairspray from scummy-as-fuck Chav dealers.
- sopping wet and uncured.
- plain shit, at the equivalent of $20 a gram.
- Smoking marijuana in backwards-ass places like China, Singapore and Thailand will get you swiftly and severely pwned IRL.
- This section was written by a britfag who knows what he's talking about
Crises facing stoners today
- Never having any papers, filters or lighters, despite these items being cheaply available from any shop.
- Getting real thirsty and 'accidentally' drinking the bong water.
- A drought of marijuana due to Jews withholding stock in order to obtain more Jew-golds.
- Eye-tokes, hot-rock burns.
- Dealer's cell phone turned off or is too high on 10 different drugs to get you your shit.
- Sneaking into garage without entire party following
- Running out of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
- Imaginary police
- Real police
- Going to work
See Also
