Stormfront
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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At first glance, Stormfront seems like a typical vBulletin forum, yet, behind the fugly and dated design of this website lies barely contained, whiskey fueled, pure redneck hatred. The story of Stormfront is a lulz-filled romp through ruined political dreams, the olden history of the internet, a failed invasion of Dominica, rough prison sodomy, and - god help us - Ron Paul. Lurking Stormfront is like studying a science: the more you observe the more questions you have. For instance, the logical questions of "what is this website?" and "how racist are the people on it?" devolve quickly into "how did these dumbshits learn how to use a computer?", "is everyone here related?", or "how is it that ED can be racist and hilarious while this place is racist and unfunny?" So gentlemen, step right up and let us tour the freak show that is Stormfront.
Contents |
The Lonesome Ballad of Don Black
It's at this point at which we meet our hero of this story, Don Black, the future webmaster of Stormfront. Don Black was the second in command of the KKK, right below David Duke. So, one day Duke decides to run for a Senate seat. Duke found that being the active Grand Wizard of the nation's largest white power organization could put a slight crimp in his ability to win a pubic office so, in 1978, Black took over national control of the Klan. Sadly for Black, his tenure as Grand Wizard was put in jeopardy by his conviction of attempting to overthrow the legitimate government of a small Caribbean island, a portion of Black's life so lulzy it needs its own section.
The Invasion of Margaritaville
See, it turns out that Don Black had more lofty goals then just running a large pro-white organization. He wanted his own country. In a half-assed scheme, he somehow got the idea to invade the country of Dominica. He would bring together a Nordic army of genetically superior troops and use them to reinstate the former Prime Minister. When the FBI finally caught wind of the plot, it swept in and arrested the conspirators, sentencing them to various short terms in prison before the "invasion fleet" could get their boats in the water.
It turns out the plan was critically flawed and doomed to ruin, owing mostly to:
- Duke's trying to invade a country of 70,000 black people with 9 white supremacists armed with handguns and dynamite
- The captain of the boat Black chartered telling the FBI what was going down
- Black continuing the invasion plan even though he knew his "recon team" was already in custody
Black's excuse of "I did it for the lulz" was not, at that time, an accepted legal defense. The invasion plan, dubbed the "Bayou of Pigs" by locals, was dead in the water, and Black was going to jail for three years for breaking the Neutrality Acts.
Prison Life to Stormfront
Now Black had a minor problem. Here he was, going to prison as the Grand Wizard of the KKK. One could imagine how popular he would be for midday rape sessions or mass shankings. When he got to prison he quickly used his title and position to keep him away from his roommate Bubba (Gold Medalist in Endurance Raping, Beijing '08). Black found a home in the computer lab, learning how to administer servers, set up networks, and stop runaway anal bleeding. Black came to the realization that the internet could provide an important role in the future of the white nationalist movement, and he intended to be at its cutting edge. He also came to the realization that if he wasn't the leader of the KKK, he could save himself from permanent health issues, and relinquished the title to the current head of that organization, Jesse Jackson.
When Black got out, he went back to his old friend David Duke, looking for a job and an opportunity to demonstrate his newfound skills. Duke consented and Black became the new webmaster of Duke's forums, named Stormfront after some shit nobody cares about. Black remains the webmaster to this day, running his own server out of Palm Beach, Florida. During that process, Stormfront has emerged as king of the racist websites, something akin to being king of the homeless furries.
Jamie Kelso, Bringing Queer Pride to Stormfront
Don Black's #1 butt-boy is a closeted gay ex-scientologist Ayn Rand fanboy. His name is Jamie Kelso and he goes under the SN "Charles A Lindbergh" on the Stormfront boards and has the pathetic position of Sr. Moderator - meaning he voluntarily spends all his waking hours on a message board trying to wade through the posts by his functionally illiterate board members.
Jamie's early years were featured in a book called, "What Really Happened to the Class of 65?" Kelso just could not join enough fruitcake cults once he got out of high school.
He then predicted his future involvement with the simps at stormfront with the following [1]
| —Jamie Kelso, when still lusting after Hubbard cock, in "What Really Happened to the Class of 1965? |
After his stint playing a sailor in Hubbard's pretend Navy& sucking scifag cock, Jamie fled to Kansas where he became a member of the "John Birch Society" and discovered Ayn Rand. Not surprisingly, he went on to join the white power movement shortly thereafter. It seems Jamie has joined one crazy-ass cult after another in order to cure him of teh gay. He has met with nothing but fail and an ass full of AIDS. What is curious is how all these homophobic racist rednecks can reconcile having Kelso, a raging fag lusting for white cock, running their forums. We are sure Don Black has the answer - and a dick covered in AIDS sores to show for it.
The fans
And now this brings us to the point in the story of “who the hell follows these retards?” We find that it is that sick group of outcasts who use sexual fetishes to deal with their Victim complex. Unlike weaboo’s and furries who keep their sick fetishes in their own communities, Stormfronters believe that everyone who is qualified (white, lower class, retarded) should fetishize Germany like they do, and they form groups to convince everyone that German fetish is normal and good for you.
Stormfront Dramas
Joining the REVOLUTION!
Just when you thought that the white supremacist community at large had decided to go back to contently fucking their cousins and drinking moonshine, they decided to get involved with presidential politics. And, if you're a white supremacist, then there was only one obvious choice for Supreme Dictator of America - the wizened old fucker known as Ron Paul So...why did Stormfront, the National Alliance, Hal Turner, Alex Jones and a bunch of other similarly minded white folks decide to endorse Mr. Paul?
- Ron Paul is old enough to remember what it was like to whip a slave, and it's liberating.
- Ron Paul endorsed Hitler in '33.
- Ron Paul is glad that they shot that annoying black preacher guy.
- Ron Paul didn't get his ass handed to him in the Louisiana primary because he appealed to the same dumbshits who voted for David Duke.
- Ron Paul hates immigrants.
- Ron Paul was so fucking broke he'd take donations from NAMBLA.
- Ron Paul doesn't believe in evolution. Fucking trust him, he was there when it all started.
The Obama Effect
It turns out that white people are so fucking terrified of having a black muslim terrorist sandnigger pinko commie leftist elitist effeminate terrorist anti-American pro-Iranian socialist clueless underexperienced uppity nigger as president that when it became apparent that such an unspeakable thing was actually going to happen, thousands of confused southern Republicans flocked to their last remaining line of defense, Stormfront.org. The result was a spike in traffic and new accounts that caused the server to crash. This is funny just because one can only imagine the look on Don Black's face as he had to simultaneously process that the first black president after 42 consecutive white American presidents had just been elected and the subsequent implosion of his server.
Europe Hates Stormfront
For some odd, arcane reason, France and Germany have strict anti-white supremacy laws. Both countries decided to have Google take Stormfront off of its index for ISPs operating within their borders. The law was overturned in Germany because it violated the right to free speech, though it remains blacklisted in France, much to the disappointment of both members of the French Nazi party.
The Trolling of Bill O'Reilly
In 2003, a school in Georgia (Taylor County High School of Butler, GA) decided to have a segregated party at their school. The year beforehand they had finally desegregated the prom at their school and a segment of the student population decided to hold a private, segregated function to continue the tradition before they graduated. Suddenly, from out of the sky, Billo The Clown and the Faux News goon squad descended from the sky to feed off the event like ravenous vultures. In eager anticipation of the coming public crucification of a seemingly defenseless position, Bill put up a poll on his website asking the public if they supported the segregated dance. Unfortunately for bill, someone over at Stormfront heard about it and invited everyone he could get his hands on to raid the poll and throw off the results. That night he refused to show the poll results or acknowledge Stormfront in his newscast. Instead he got his ass handed to him by a pretentious douchebag libertarian.
Assorted Stormfront Trivia
- For some reason, the people at Stormfront are compiling a wiki in their forums instead of compiling it on, say, A WIKI YOU STUPID FUCKS
- Stormfront threads widely blamed The Anti-Defamation League for 9/11
- Ron "Jeremy" Black's wife works for an organization that works for the betterment of Hispanic and African-American youths
- Stormfront frequently publishes white supremacist literature for free for public dissemination. However, because these works aren't in the public domain, Stormfront is denying the creators of the work profit for their work.
- Stormfront is persistantly trolled by Asians.
Links
- Stormfront Home
- Stormfront's Open Boards - Troll away with your guest accounts! Maybe ask why the site is available in Serbian and Afrikaans but not Hebrew or Arabic.
- Stormfront's Queer Mascot, Jamie Kelso, goes totally batshit on the radio because Canadian Neo-Nazi Paul Fromm stole his ass-less leather chaps.
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Stormfront is part of a series on Nazis. |
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