Suicide Girls
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Do you like goths? Do you like porn? Then what could be better than goth porn? That's right, the Suicide Girls are ready to flash their pasty tits and heavily-pierced cunts just for you (and the other 50 million people of the Internets, of course).
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[edit] Members
Suicide Girls sends out the message that you don't have to be hot or have big tits for guys to pay $4 a month to jack off to your pictures.
The Girls are usually women who used to be fat, and lost the weight, but not the fat mentality. They are still attention whores, and they still use internet disease photos. Most of them have little or no boobiez, and the few that actually do have old lady sags. They also buy into that new age hippie bullshit that "everyone is beautiful, I'm just alternative." Let's face it: you didn't lose enough weight, your tattoos are ugly, blood is not sexy, and you're a stupid cow who needs to learn to fucking wax before a photo shoot, or at least put on a facial expression that doesn't scream "Fine, Daddy! I don't need your love!"
At some point, a female friend of yours may decide that she is going to send some pics to Suicide Girls. This is code for "I'm unhappy right now and I'm desperate for someone to tell me I'm pretty, even if it means threatening to show off my cunt to an internet audience." To make her feel better, tell her you think it's great to see alternative cultures in society finding a niche in the glamour market, finally helping everyone, no matter what their interest, to join in with an industry that before pandered solely to the mainstream. It just goes to show that some things are universal, across subcultures: no matter how many pieces of metal you've got clogging up your septum, getting your shaved-date out and having it photographed and put up on a public forum still makes you a DIPSHIT FUCKING HARLOT!!!
[edit] I'm so alternative!1!!!!1one!
The Suicide Girls and their believing audience really are a misguided bunch of twats to think that they are opposed to the mainstream, but now piercings and tattoos are about as mediocre and banal as you can get. Most models can't manage more than a navel ring or a butterfly tramp-stamp, prompting belief that these 'alternative' models really aren't much different from their mainstream counterparts. That they've submitted photos of their vaginas, under the impression the authors of SG appreciate their commitment to solid punk-art, demands lulz and lots of them. It's porn disguised as artistic protest, and the fact that the Suicide Girls are obviously clueless only makes the site more tantalizing.
The photography is also pre-school and uninspired. Because the models been wearing thick pancake makeup ever since they became goths at 13, they all have zits and blackheads the size of your fingernail, and the only solution is for the photographers to edit out their skin with Photoshop. Recently, in order to seem more 'diverse', they have been adding models who are non-white but are not part of any recognizable subculture. Their photography has also gotten even blander than before.
[edit] We're not porn!!
Despite providing jack-off material to the masses, the site touts itself as "art." If you want to piss off a Suicide Girl, tell her she's posing on a porn site. She'll get all prissy and defensive and try to spin it as some kind of liberating feminist experience that's changed the way society looks at women -- never mind that "doing hot-ass porn" is way more edgy and alternative than "empowering women."
[edit] Internet Police
Sean Suhl, Missy Suicide and their harem of cock-sucking whores are the Illuminati of porn. Whenever anyone mentions SG, they are there, scoping out the scene and trying to sue people for defamation. They are so paranoid about being badmouthed and copied that they have taken other modeling sites and previous staff photographers, like Lithium Picnic, to court for merely existing. Since they've run the site for so long, they've become convinced that they own the copyright to tattooed knockers, so they'll sue anyone who dares take pictures of naked women.
The same e-cops have made it clear that you aren't allowed to express any form of opinion on the website or in the forums about the models, other than "OMG, ur so hawt can i cum on u??" Stating your opinion, whether just a general remark or a critique is an open invitation for site administration to pwn your ass. Even though you are paying them $4 a month for their shitty small titted emporium, they think they have a right to tell you what to think and say. Unsurprising, considering Mussolini fapped to fatgirl tits and BME rejects during TEH WAR
[edit] RAPE BLOSSOM
Recently, a suicide girl who calls herself RAPE BLOSSOM made a set of pictures in which she wore an SS Totenkopf pin, causing enough drama to have the set removed from the site. Nana also enjoys dressing up like a small girl so that she can be drugged and surprise sexed.
Nazi pr0n/Fake CP on media cruiser
Nana's archival gave a quick and easy solution to girls requesting archive. When Sean would hesitate to archive more famous models so he can make extra sales by posting them as active members, the models would simply slap pro-Nazi images all over their page. INSTANT BANHAMMER.
[edit] Summer Camp DVD
In a proud tradition of liberating women, SG decided to honor suggestions and contributions from their models for an upcoming second DVD with a promise of consideration for one of the casting options which led to hundreds of money making ideas and free content in the form of photos and videos. Meanwhile, the DVD was already being filmed with the pre-chosen models who later returned to claim "OMG I AM LIKE SO (DRAMA)TIZED FROM THAT TRIP!" This marketing gimmick backfired on site owner and founder Sean Suhl when he failed to realize that his models are retarded fuckups who can't understand linear time. Their premature ad campaign debuted before announcements had been made on who would be included in the video. The divatastic bitches of SG collectively cried out, "BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL CASTING?!?!"
Lots of exciting drama took place and many lulz were had. LiveJournal was full of images from a secret group called, "beige lion" which is an anagram for "ONE BIG LIE." Beige lion screencaps include the true adventures of saggy-tit faux-punks hiking in the forest and no mentions of bear maulings (much to my dispointment). Fractal even took the time to promote the new DVD with a fake heartfelt plea for sympathy sent to an anti-SG community. Poor baby was hacked and exposed before the message was even read. sob sob sob
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Moral: If you want everyone to buy your new DVD but don't mind losing 40 staff members then pretend you were raped by a forest animal and hit in the head with your friend's severed leg.
[edit] Random Fun
- Models are threatened by the free content provided by hopeful future models (in the HOPEFULS section.)
| HOPEFULS OF SG | ||
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- The Myspaz profile is viewable to users under the age of 18. Get'em brainwashed while they're young and fresh!
- The circle jerk is stronger than LiveJournal could ever offer.
- Suicide Girls is the right place to be if you
- hate yourself and want to have people compliment you
- love yourself and want to have people compliment you
- chronically masturbate to Myspace photos of girls with star tattoos (this is the quality you will receive at SG)
- Suicide Girls is the right place to be if you
- Suicide Girls will appear "alternative" to you if
- you're retarded
- you're from the midwest (see above)
- you work at Hot Topic
- you have a brain tumor
- Suicide Girls will appear "alternative" to you if
- Suicide Girls is not for you if
- you like porn
- you know how to read
- you have eyeballs
- Suicide Girls is not for you if
- Has-been brainlesswonder frequently trolls LJ group SGirls as user:conceptualpete and nobody cares this time. Bwaaahhhhh wah!!!
