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Sweden
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article is entirely factual. Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings. |
Sweden is a cold wasteland somewhere in Europe, God hates it for its evil incestuous ways and laws against preaching hatred against fags. In Freddy Phelph's words "THANK GOD FOR ALL DEAD SWEDES!!!"
Sweden is the only country where girls don't look like your mother. That is, until they pass 30. Then, they will inevitably turn into raisins due to the fact that they eat masses of contraceptives - it fucks them up real good. The average Swede starts drinking when they are 14, and the girls start taking contraceptives on a regular basis when they have turned 15 or 16. Swedes of both sexes are born whores, and they remain notorious drinkers for the duration of their lives. Since booze is really expensive in Sweden, this proud people keeps the old Viking tradition of traveling to other countries and pwning them by being loud, annoying drunkards. In fact, a Swede will only talk or have sex when drunk.
Swedes do not know about proper English grammar. This is because all living Swedes are actually failed abortions or pure accidents, and as a result they do not have properly functioning brains, which makes it impossible for them to hold a thought or doing anything at all without looking like mongoloid people. Some argue that the reason might be that English is not their first language, but those who say so are obviously gay.
Contents |
[edit] History
Swedes hate Americans, and thus they only have 78 7-11 stores in the entire country. They also have no Taco Bell so they invented Swedish meatballs which are really fattening. "Och om jag ändå vore bög..." (if I only were gay) is the national anthem of Sweden.
Their extensive drinking habits go back a long, long time. In fact, in the early 20th century drinking was becoming a national problem so big that no one got anything done. Because of this, booze is now monopolized by Systembolaget, which sadly has the same capacity and efficiency as McDonalds. Some Swedes however, with an IQ rising over the one of your average nigger, have beaten this system and simply go to Germany to buy alcohol instead.
Some famous people from Sweden include Schindler, Björn Borg and Ingrid Bergman. In Sweden everyone is welcome except for Christians, George Bush, fags/emos (due to the already existing overpopulation of them) and "blattar". Of course, no one will admit to the last one, since no Swede will admit to racism of any kind. 'Article: The Word Foreigner Banned In Sweden'
Sweden, Denmark and Norway share a language called Scandinavian, originally spoken by ancient Atlantians before they switched to a language that sounds less gay. When spoken by an alcoholic, Scandinavian is known as Finnish.
Sweden's only exports are Vikings, Swedish Massage, snus, ABBA, disgusting food, Volvos, an ugly language, hot girls, IKEA furniture, Elfwood, shitty death metal bands, lame 70s pr0n and the Erlang programming language. In other words, exclusively toys, destruction, fags and death. Don't forget, Sweden also absolutely hates capitalism even though they win at it all the time. Most of the inhabitants are fucking commies as well.
Swedes think Nazis are unfunny. This is because of troll's remorse from when they helped Hitler kill Jews. Nazis don't think Swedes are funny. This is because Swedes aren't funny.
[edit] Pwning Swedes
The Internets are infested with Swedes. Research clearly shows that there are more Swedes on the Internets than in Sweden. In fact, you've likely met one, even though you probably thought he was either Azn or homosexual. If you noticed him at all. Most Swedes can be shooed away simply by displaying emotion in their presence. And if you ever meet a swede IRL, what is not likely, the only thing you have to do is to show that you like your own country. The extremely self-hating swede will then run away in a massive display of teh butthurt. Lulz ensure.
Another way of creating massive lulz is by giving a Swede booze, which will unfailingly have very interesting results. In fact, the government keeps the population in check by allowing the use of dangerous fireworks every New Year's Eve - the modern way of practicing selective breeding. Guns will not work, since no Swede has any idea how to handle one.
[edit] Swedish People
All Swedes are eeevil. This is why you can never get exact change in Sweden when you come there with your superior money. The result is that you end up either getting shortchanged or having to accept ghey Swedish money in your hands. This is the same as being anally violated by a gorilla.
[edit] Men
All Swedish men are closet fags. They are very feminine, because they want to attract other men for hot man-sex. Usually they will not brag about that they have Viking ancestors (not until they're drunk). The Vikings would probably turn in their huge, cultural-marked graves if they could see what incredible faggotry that is now Sweden.
It is proven by scientists that Swedes have cocks with an average length of just 15 centimeters. And that's the average length for ADULT Swedes, not for thirteen year old boys.
[edit] Women
All women in Sweden are mentally deranged sluts. They dress up like hookers when the chilly climate allows it, which sadly is not often. Touching a Swedish woman will inevitably lead to a charge of sexual harassment, and they will put you in jail where you will get some sweet love from the other faggots who are there. This might not be too bad, since Swedish prisons are both quite nice and easy to escape from.
The only swedes not losing their virginity when they're 14 are, interestingly, the children of immigrants. These will, to the contempt of other Swedes, cling desperately to their virginity until marriage, which is an unknown term in Sweden. Most Swedes can't keep together more than a couple of years, tops, and since women have salaries as high as the men and children are generally left to their own, nothing can make a Swedish woman stick with you for longer than it takes to spread all the STDs known to mankind.
[edit] Economy
The main base for Swedish economy is foreign trade. Basis of this foundation is the company IKEA (Ingvar Kamprad Eats Ass), founded by the Nazi Ingvar Kamprad. Together with Illuminati and his Nazi connections, Kamprad have been able to expand his company from a tiny shack in one of the Swedish forests to a global corporation. In many parts of the world IKEA furniture is the only available option, unless you want to live in a cardboard box. This has made Ingvar Kamprad filthy rich, but even so, he still is more parsimonious than any average Jew. Kamprad has built his fortune by letting children produce all his products in in third-world countries. That makes Kamprad a pedophile. Still today there are no confirmed IKEA stores in Israel.
Even bigger is the Swedish weapon industry. However, the communist Swedish government usually prevents the manufacturers from selling anything. This is due to the fact that killing people isn't very nice. To pay for the booze, they also keep their army pathetically small, trusting the fact that no one would want to invade them, not even for the lulz. Swedes must also perform a term of military service, presumably to supply the senior officers with a continuous supply of fresh meat.
Another large source of income in Sweden is trees. Since the whole country is covered by trees, these may be chopped and sold over the world, and the remaining forests will work as a bait for Germans. Sweden is the most popular place for vacation among this charming people. During summer these tourists wander the deep forests to collect elk poop and blueberries. Sometimes, Swedes do the work for them and sell varnished versions at ridiculously high prices. The Germans will also buy shitloads of lousy white power music, meatballs made by elk (and sometimes cat) carcasses and bad 70's pr0n.
[edit] Sex
Sweden became famous in the 1960-1970's for their bad pr0n. The social democratic government outlawed shaving of pubic hair for the good of mankind. To further encourage sex the government funded pr0n movie productions with state subsidies, which all Swedes approved heartily of. This phenomena became known as "The Swedish Sin".
In 1986 the socialist Prime Minister Olof Palme was murdered by a conspiracy, involving a secret Nazi police group called the Baseball Mob, the Jewish capitalist organization SAF and the Vatican. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Social Democratic Party was infiltrated by neo-liberals and conservative cunts, waging war against all pr0n, lolis and teh Intarnet. This was the final death of "The Swedish Sin", forcing the Swedes to each take personal responsibility for ensuring Sweden remains a place of spontaneous drunk sex. Lack of success with this will inevitably lead to the male population's retreat to soccer hooliganism, Nazi sectarianism and developing fag software like Skype.
[edit] Swedish National Television
Yes, it IS common to see roman showers in non-sexual Swedish television.
[edit] Pedophilia in Sweden
Pedophiles are widely accepted in Sweden as long as they don't brag. On almost all Swedish community sites, there are pedos who are hooking it up with the jailbait there. It's AWWWRIGHT for them, because it will at least make things a bit less boring. The legal age for sex is 15 in this sick country.
Sweden is one of the few countries where you won't get your ass lynched for being a child molesting sick fuck. If you have the bad luck of being one of the pedos that actually get convicted, stay calm. The longest time someone was in jail in Sweden was 43 years, and that guy really was hardcore. You'll hardly notice time passing.
Due to these circumstances, Sweden is known in Europe as the place to be for pedos. They flock in groups to get some delicious cake. This is the hidden reason behind German tourism.
[edit] Royal family
Sweden is a royal kingdom, ruled by king Carl "Knugen" XVI Gustaf. The king is dyslectic and the source of many epic lulz in Sweden, thus making him the countries most popular character. The king is married to the daughter of a German Nazi, a fact which the the royal court desperately tries to cover up. In fact, the royal family has made a deal with the press: they give interviews, and nothing bad is ever written about them. Thus, everything bad you hear about the Swedish Royal family has been spread the hard way.
The knig (Carl XVI Gustaf's own spelling) has three children. The crown princess is ex-ana with a huge chin and the prince is a bratty closet faggot. The youngest princess, Madeleine, is considered quite fuckable. Thus a lot of conspiracy theories suggest her to be an illegitimate child.
The children of the royal family are regularly seen attending fancy parties Stockholm, the capital city. They are, surprisingly, forced to attend normal schools, and the Prince was even made to join the army for some time.
[edit] Immigrants
Since the socialist government opened the swedish border in the 80's, there has been a constant flow of "new swedes" to Sweden. From Vietnamese to Iraqis, you can find 'em all in Sweden. This, however, created many tensions between the oldfag nazi swedes and the "new swedes". The oldfag swedes with their strict NO NIGGERS policy didn't fit together with the immigrants, so much drama ensued. As the swedes put the immigrants in ghettos, they got pissed because they couldn't rape any white wimminz anymore, so they started rioting. Now there was no turning back.
As stupid as the "new swedes" were, they rioted mostly in their own ghettos, effectively destroying anything of worth what was left there. Afterwards they went to trashbins and set them on fire, too. When the stench wasn't bearable anymore, the immigrants went to the white parts of town. But that was a fatal mistake, because the white parts are filled with The Man. Long story short, The Man got enough of the fuckery that was going on and perma& all the niggers for life.
Afterwards, it felt like Sweden became again as boring as it always was, but with 10,000+ immigrants coming in annually from the worlds warzones, this newly-won tradition keeps getting repeated all the time.
[edit] UPDATE
In the news: Kosovo has been granted independence from its master, Serbia. If we lived in a perfect world, this would mean now that all Kosovo-Albanians in Sweden are going to GTFO now. But as Kosovo still is the same AIDS-ridden shithole like under Serbian rule, this is -tragically- not very likely.
[edit] Typical Swedish Dinner
- Sötlimpa (sugary bread)
- Surströmming (rotten fish, i shit you not)
- Meatballs
And that is already all. Y'see, swedes are a very poor people.
[edit] The other parts of Scandinavia:
[edit] External Links
- The Jokal, Sweden's News in 'Foolish' Lulz spoof news blog, that laughs long and hard at Swedish 'news'.
- There is no Swedish Conspiracy
- Fyrchan.se A
currently defunctDISREGARD THAT IT WORKS PERFECTLY swedish failcopy of 4chan.
-BTW, it's /f/ board has been flooded with CP for 2 days straight now. It's just a matter of time until this sick little site gets v& forever.- Oh wait they got V&, and the site is now redirecting to 4chan.
