Switzerland
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Switzerland ist ein small racialist land nestled in the Appalachees. Since the people of Switzerland (Switzers) decided at least 100 years ago to not join the European Union, the country remained as the only non communist state of Europe. But that changed after Black Jesus' second coming. Now Switzerland remains the only non-communist state of the World: [1].
The country is renowned for its neutrality.
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Facts
- Swiss people are a combination of German, French and Italians. But they won't admit it.
- Switzerland's location is secret, this is to prevent Jews ever managing to get their Jew gold back, and to keep the foreigners out.
- One third of Swiss people own guns, in case the European Union or Jews finds them.
- Even though there are so many guns in Switzerland, more people die from alpine horn related injuries.
- The Swiss have enough bunkers to put the Führer to shame. Seriously.
- All secret policies and documents are kept in Switzerland, this is to prevent the liberal media revealing them.
- Swiss people learn martial arts which they use to service the Pope.
- When faced with the idea of change, liberalism, or foreign ideas, the Swill turn to their government to fix such problems (See SVP)
- In Summer 2009, the Swiss will start up the world's largest particle accelerator and possibly destroy us all.
- They fail at war
- They hate Americans cause Americans are better than them
- They hate mexicans because even mexicans are better than them
Switzerland and Ron Paul
When Doktor Pohl was asked whether he liked any country other than America he replied "I guess Switzerland because everybody has big guns there, I like big guns."
History
Switzerland was created by German, French and Italian religious forest types who decided to run a country together. This has given Switzerland the gifts of Italian courage, French wisdom and German efficiency. Also well known attributes are the Italian narcissism e.g. most switzers wont marry because they feel that masturbation is fine, French arrogance because even though the cold war is over they still build bomb shelters although who can blame them when the Jews want their money back, and German unfriendliness because even if you help your neighbor when their car breaks down they still will not say thank you and stare at you when you pass them as if they've never seen you before. As well they will stare at you as if you're a pedophile out to get their kids.
Every Swiss man serves in the Popes army, Swiss women may also serve if they feel belligerent enough. At the age of 16 most Swiss boys are given a Sig 550 assault rifle so that they can practice shooting foreigners and Jews.
Switzerland is largely considered neutral. This means they banked gold from the Jews during World War II, and also banked large quantities of Jewish dental gold for the Nazis. They also enjoy storing money for dictators, so they can continue to be rich and beautiful in exile.
Switzerland is best known for dealing "discreetly" in money so the "investor" has to pay nothing on it. This is thought to be used by Jews and The Pope as both are well known to hide money to fund their secret plots, like hiding children in basements for their discreet pleasure. For the Jews this involves the funding of terrorism and The Pope uses it to plot for the expansion of the Vatican City.
Switzerland is also the home to the invention of Absinthe. They also were the first to make it illegal because they felt a man killed his family from drinking it.
Culture
Like Canada, the Swiss don't really have their own culture. Rather they steal from other cultures. The two things the Swissies have as a national claim to fame is the language of Swiss German (which is not to be confused with real German. Swiss German is much like Quebec French, or Newfi English), and their nationwide unsociable behavior. Do not expect any smiles or small talk from this group of people unless you have embarrassed/injured yourself, or they are about to embarrass/injure you. The Swiss hardly ever smile due to the fact that when Mudkipz created the Earth He forgot to give the Swiss people smiling muscles, therefore they walk around looking very gloomy, it is also a common known fact that at birth Swiss children have a 15 inch black rubber dildo shoved up their ass to prevent any laughter or smiles and compliment mudkipz error.
Language
The Swiss claim to speak 3 4 languages, being, in fact, German, French, Italian, and Romansh, although it is a well known fact that nobody speaks more than one fluently. This leads to delicious trolling IRL when two people are from the opposite sides and one can't speak the o language of the other. Elsewhere, lulz usually ensue because both Swiss German and Italian are ridiculed by both Germans and Italians.
Crash Course
Remember those core phrases for basic interaction with your average Swiss person. The legal drinking and tender love making age is 16 in Switzerland.
- Where's the next hotel? - Wo isch s nögschte KaZet?
- How are you? - Bisch du schwul?
- Wanna have a drink with me? - Wieviel choschtisch pro stund?
- Do you want to hang out with me? - Ich bin Chachste
Social Stigmas
Switzerland has a raging social stigma against foreigners. The Swiss are afraid and opposed to foreign ideas, languages, and cultures; any tourists daring to approach Swiss citizens should be fully prepared for the Swiss army knifing they’ll receive. Even though the vast majority know Like in Germany, Italy and France, almost none of them speak English (often pronounced "Muuuuuughhhhehhgh"), they'll derive great pleasure watching your abortive attempts to combine a woeful lack of German, French or Italian with frantic charades as you try desperately to ask where the nearest Large Hadron Collider is. And then knife you, obviously. This is due to the fact that after 10 million years of incest Switzerland has only opened its borders in the last 50 years, allowing flocks of corats, Turks, Indians, Arabs and vengeful Jews into their country, all these groups are commonly known as "Yugos".
Youths in Switzerland
Since Switzerland is still partially in the 80's almost all kids will have faggot piercings in their ears, which usually come with some crappy 5 Pound ear ring. The concept of "Gangsta" has only reached Switzerland in the last 3 years, and since TV other than Incest porn doesn't exist the Switzers don't know that "gangsta" or faggot German rappers such as "Bush-fucker-ido" are "out". They insist on wearing round baseball caps that are usually pink and look fucking gay. They wear their jeans down to their knees and try to skateboard, but instead the years of incest kick in and they start Yodeling.
Economy
Rösti, Odontological Gold Mining, Incest porn, Caran D'aches, Jew soap, Watches, LSD, Chocolate, Cheese, and Ritalin.
