Tasmania
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Tasmania is semi-mythical island located near the hindquarters of the Australian continent, a kind of fairytale kingdom where the normal laws of society fail to apply. Presided over by a coalition of Tolkien characters and backwoods survivalists, it is the only place on earth where the birth of a two-headed child is celebrated as an auspicious sign. It is common knowledge that 99% of the Tasmanian population are inbred. The lucky other one percent are apeshit insane. Tasmania's state-wide pastime is, of course, buttsecks (an activity which the Tasmanian government only recently declared legal).
It is also fact that if the mythical landbridge was to ever arise again to connect Tasmania and the Australia mainland the Australian government would set up a border patrol to block out the Tasmanians. Of course, the ROE (Rules Of Engagement) "Fire At Will" would be used.
[edit] A Brief History
Tasmania broke away from mainland Australia when it overflowed as a gathering ground for the country's AIDS. The result ended in the formation of a small island to the south containing some of the worlds dumbest "colored folk". Word has it they didn't even use fire and rubbed mutton oil on themselves to keep warm, giving them the sweet aroma of a sweaty cock. The native women detested the stench, so along with this, the inbreeding and the AIDS, the native inhabitants died off all too quickly. Eventually the Dutch landed on the Tasmanian shores, only to create a new cycle of white powered cock stench, inbreeding, AIDS and genocide. Somewhere along the way, the mighty British joined the party and Tasmania's future was forever doomed.
[edit] International News
Tasmania has had two brief encounters with international fame in it's history of slavery, genocide and AIDS. Firstly there was the Port Arthur Massacre Conspiracy where a bogan with a machine gun had his way with a coffee shop. The second is the story of the Beaconsfield Miners. This was a mining accident which left three upstanding citizens trapped down a mine. One unfortunately died, relieving the Earth of one less inbred and highly uneducated Tasmanian, but the other two escaped relatively unharmed only to find themselves instant media whores and generated millions of dollars from the international prostitution of their escape. Both Kerry and James Packer were instantly down on hands and knees to guarantee the exclusivity of their story. When interviewed after their escape, the first interviewer asked them "What were you thinking when you were trapped down there?" of which they both replied "Oh not much. We were busy listening to the Foo Fighters new album on our new iPods." "CHA-CHING $$$" was the response heard from both their wallets and rescuers corporate sponsors.
[edit] Population
Tasmania was created because Adelaide needed a city to say "At least we're not in Tasmania". It is also a known genetic dumping ground, being home to many of the seediest paedophiles in existence, and praising them. Also amongst this shining example of humanity is the scrubbiest of women who usually end up marrying their dog, thanks to the fact that Tasmanian Tigers (Thylacinus cynocephalus) are now extinct from STD'S.
[edit] Ecology
Tasmania has a dank, cold environment worse than a basement-dweller's inner sanctum. Lashed by Antarctic winds eleven months of the year, conditions are so miserable that nothing less than a Deep Impact event could possibly improve the climate.
Paradoxically, Tasmania is also home to some of the most beautiful landscapes on the face of the planet, all of which have been devastated by logging, mining, waste-dumping and Australian rules football (easily the vilest form of eco-terrorism known to humanity). The Tasmanian Government has justified its policy of cataclysmic destruction by pointing out that its methods are effecting only the most undesirable forms of vermin inhabiting the underbrush (mostly hippies, tree-huggers, environmentalists and "all those other commie pinko Greenpeace faggots").
Tasmania is frequently described as a biological wonderland, with its virgin rainforests sheltering some of the rarest species known to science—all of which are now extinct for the third time this century. In an attempt to redress this universal tragedy, Professor Michael Archer of the University of Tasmania is presently attempting to clone the Tasmanian Tiger (Thylacinus cynocephalus), making him perhaps the biggest fucktard in the international scientific community.
[edit] Trade, tourism and export
Tasmania's chief export is mutant children so horrifyingly deformed that an Act of Parliament was required to expel them from the island's pristine shores. These kids are so hideously major batshit ugly that rabid Tasmanian devils run shrieking in terror from the sight of them. These unfortunate victims of state-sanctioned eugenics experiments are routinely rounded up during the annual Sheep Tupping Festival and shipped off to New Zealand, where their presence raises the standards of both countries. They also export cock into the country commonly known as "there mothers"... Such a vibrant culture.
[edit] Armed forces
Following the best traditions of all former British colonies, Tasmania's armed forces are conducting an ongoing war against teh ghey, ruthlessly exterminating the useless twelve percent of the population not currently engaged in wife-beating, shepherding, inbreeding and similar forms of state-approved procreation. These periodic culls are known to stabilize the economy and leave the local aristocracy free to sleep with their cousins, nieces and daughters. This may make Tasmanian gays feel pwned, but for the rest of the population, this generates many lulz out of the sheer silliness of the sound of the phrase "Tasmanian gay".
[edit] See Also
- Australia
- Adelaide
- Brisbane
- Canberra
- Melbourne
- Perth
- Port Arthur
- Toowoomba
- Inbreeding
- Thylacine Appreciation Society
