Tetris

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Let's play some Tetris, motherfucker!

Tetris is a simple game developed by communists in which the player arranges blocks with the goal of scoring points. Unlike similar IRL games played by infants, it is absolutely pointless.

In Soviet Russia, Tetris plays you!!!!!

Why does Tetris own?

You might as well ask "Why do people love Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apples?" They just do.

How to play

At least he has an excuse.

Spin the blocks to form horizontal lines, dumbass.

Also, in some of the newer versions, keep spinning the block forever so it will never touch down. Execute this maneuver effectively to spend your entire life playing this stupid game.

Tetris as a threat to your capitalist society

As you may or may not have noticed, Tetris is Russian. Furthermore, we all know that Russians are all actually communists trying to take over the world. Tetris was clearly part of the commie Russian plot to screw the minds of decadent westerners.

Versions

Another Soviet Challenge, along with the Cuban Missle Crisis.

Tetris for Computer

The one that started it all. It was crapped out over a session of Twinkies and meth by Russian supernerd Alexei Pajitnov. Russia didn't recognize the Berne Copyright Convention at the time, so Kapitalist Korporations quickly seized upon its addictive quality, stole it and marketed it to dumbfucks as a kind of "brain game".

Tetris has been gangraped by more publishers on more systems than any game in history . Here are some of the more notable violations:

Ræp

Atari Tetris

Atari was the first Kapitalist Korporation to recognize the potential of stealing Tetris and stuck it in arcades all over the world. Atari Tetris was followed by Tetris for every 8-bit machine.

Tetris for Unix/X-Windows

A generation of CS 101 PhD candidates wasted enough energy on the Unix version to power Jew York City for at least a year.

Tetris for Nintendo Famicon

This was published by Nintendo and sucked balls. More interesting than the game itself was the drama IRL between Nintendo and Tengen, which determined who would get the chance to piss all over the stolen Tetris franchise. Tengen released their own version, but copies are rare and costs seventyleven kabillion dollars.

Tetris for Nintendo Game Boy

Not even Tetris can resist Rule 34.

Tetris for Game Boy was all that and a pack of smokes. It made Game Boy a household name on the level of shower curtain mildew and Magic Johnson's AIDS. However, it only sold a few copies worldwide.

Tetris Attack

Once upon a time, Nintendo made a variant puzzle game that had no chance of selling on its own merits, so they crammed Yoshi into it and called it Tetris. Totally uncool, Nintendo. This became more obvious when they later re-released the game as Pokemon Puzzle League, crammed to the gills with Mudkips. Like the only good episode of the TV show, this game can cause multiple seizures.

Tetris the Grand Master

A screenshot of the unreleased Tetris Extreme.

The latest iterations at arcades, insanely fast to drive the serious gamer into serious road rage. Play at your own risk. The publishers had the gall to stop independent versions after all the royalty-free millions made off Tetris. If you have a DS, you might still be able to track one down.

GTFO