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Texas
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Known as the Big Dick of the United States. Legally a part of the United States, Texas is considered by many of its inhabitants to be better than the whole U.S. Many Americans from other states often wish this were the case, rather than mere belligerent posturing. Texas was once the largest state in the union, but the addition of Alaska in 1959 has given Texans an inferiority complex that can only be combated with careless gun ownership, lynchings and executions. Texas also suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder due to being sex'd by six different nations.
Some argue that Texas is the number one killer of retarded people, but we all know better than that.
The only good things to come out of Texas have been ZZ Top, Red Vs. Blue, iD Software, steers and queers. Everything else is forgettable. Texas is responsible for the penultimate shit band that is Pantera.
Not to be confused with "taxes", which are just as bad.
Contents |
[edit] How To Troll a Texan
- Call them a Liberal, as all Texans believe that being a liberal is the most contemptible thing on the planet, besides being a nigger.
- Tell them that Alaska is bigger, and California has more people, so they are forced to accept that they will always be only 2nd best at everything.
- Fifty Mexican Post.
- Tell them that Texas is a "Gay Friendly" state, most Texans will think you are calling them gay.
- WARNING: If you Troll a Texan IRL, make sure you have a Kevlar vest, because Texans have guns and don't hesitate to shoot the shit out of people they percieve to be smarter than them.
[edit] Great Moments in Texas history
March 6, 1836: A few hundred Texans at the Alamo pwn the shit out of 1500 Messicans, however were defeated when hordes of 4500 more Messicans attacked them like hobos on a hamburger. "Remember The Alamo" remains a Texan slogan and is often yelled out during the state's periodic anti-Mexican pogroms.
May 14, 1856: The Texas Camel Experiment.
February 1, 1893: Lynching of Henry Smith, the first blatantly public lynching of a black man.
April 16, 1947: Worst industrial accident in US history. Cargo ships carrying thousands of tons of ammonium nitrate fertilizer catch fire and explode, killing ~600 and destroying a third of the structures in Texas City.
November 22, 1963: During a visit to Dallas, the drug-addled President John F. Kennedy is killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, who was clearly acting in self-defense.
June, 1971: Texas gives birth to the first low-cost and lulzy airline, Southwest Airlines. Now Texans can fly in the state, and hit on flight attendants in hot pants. Yeehaw!
March, 1982: Ozzy Osbourne pisses on the Alamo while drunk. The act saw him banned from Texas for 10 years- not that his career suffered as he does not sing the sister-fucking country that Texans love.
January 21, 1993: George Bush I officially declared that, "Only steers and queers come from Texas." Perhaps not coincidentally, the Bush Family likes Ozzy Osbourne's music(see above)
February 28, - April 19th, 1993: The Waco Siege. US Attorney General Janet Reno stages a raid of EPIC proportions on the Waco Habbo Hotel. Flame warfare and pool closing ensues in what becomes the larget government sponsored BBQ in US history.
February 16, 2007: Police in Lubbock arrest an entire group of Chippendale dancers for daring to thrust their hips in the general vicinity of female audience members in Jake's Sports Cafe - after all, hip thrusting is not permitted in the buckle of the Bible Belt.
March 29, 2008: Texas becomes win for revoking Scientology's status as a religion.
[edit] State Facts
State Abbreviation - TX
State Capital - Austin
Largest City - Houston
Other Cities - "Dallas", San Antonio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Fort Worth, Galveston, Laredo
Area - 268,601 square miles
Population - 20,851,820
Major Industries - oil, livestock, big hair, immigration, real estate, paralysing fear of the outside world, air travel, big hats, executions/euthanasia
Origin of the Name Texas - The Caddo Indians of eastern Texas called the incoming settlers the "Tejas," meaning "Friend" (hoping the settlers wouldn't kill them, and then fuck the shit out of their women, children and animals).
State Nickname - The Lone Star State
State Song - "Texas, Our Texas."
State Gesture - "Hook 'em Horns"
State Mammal - Armadillo
State Flying Mammal - Free-tailed Bat
State Reptile - Tom Delay
State faggots - Alex-jon; Hal Turner; Ron Paul
Texas Presidents - Dwight D. Eisenhower and Lyndon B. Johnson were both born in Texas. Although George Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut, he has a long association with Texas, having successfully run several Texas energy companies into bankruptcy before seaking positions where he could do more damage.
[edit] Residents
- Lovelylina
- Digifant
- BellaBella
- Me
[edit] Links
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