The Vagina Monologues

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Proof positive that feminists should be outright exterminated, The Vagina Monologues is a huge campus hit among angry womyn, riot grrls, various other dyslexic feminists and masochistic pro-feminist men. The title might lead you to assume that this overcelebrated piece of shit was written by a big bull-dyke with whom you may not agree but have to admire for audacity and rage, and thus support her right to free speech to the hilt. No such luck. Predictably, like most garbage feminist rhetoric, it was created by an upper-class, sheltered, and happily married kike, Eve Ensler.

The Author

Biography

Liek most feminazis of her persuasion, Ensler says she grew up under the rule of an evil patriachal father who regularly abused her; had she not invented this, no one would give a fuck about the ugly hooked-nose piece of shit. Inspired by her daily rape fantasies and thinking of her shortcomings as a woman, Ensler asked 100 different like-minded intellectuals typical stock questions in Jew York about their cunts; the result was The Vagina Monologues.

Ensler later married a Kikelander who just happens to be the filthy rich Ariel Orr Jordan. Allegedly both a psychoanalyst and television screenwriter, he sounds like the kind of guy who is on a permanent holiday. Maybe the Vagina Monologue fund-raising helps?

In spite of being married to a man, Ensler openly claims she is bisexual.

Her Aims

Evie's first aim in writing the show was to give privileged women a sense of entitlement and victimhood, making it harder for men and women to fall in love and then have secks and bring up babies, and sissifying as many boyfriends of her followers as she could.

The Original Show

Comments from the Auteur

The underlying and sub- yet superliminal discoursian intention was to create a critique in post-structuralist neo-post-modern feminist terms specularly reflected in the "uomo" of the speculum of the indelicate other's sensibilities, as it may have been construed in an ipso facto ex-textual formalism, gaze from the audience of...

[blah, blah, blah]

FAIL

The Masterstroke

The masterstroke lay in the decision to have the women speak through their pussies. The problem was that while, like many men, loads 'a' women can speak through their arseholes, the ability to turn a pussy fart into speech sound is a rare gift. Also, pussy farts don't last very long unless they're pathological and no fun at all, so it's hard to get out more than a word (like "Bbpicca" or "Ppppboyssu-u-u-uck") for the gals who don't have any of the relevant conditions.

The Original Performance

The backstage preparation for a performance of the Vagina Monologues in the original style is hell. Pussy farting requires vigorous non-butt secks, a bit of a problem since the boyfriends of those who have them are completely sissified and often can't get it up anymore. The straight gals whose boyfriends still can do it doggy. The rest resort to dildoes. The portion of lesbians who liek secks of some kind do the same. The remainder use drinking straws, bicycle pumps, and cans of compressed air to gently blow in teh pussies of their sexless beloveds.

Stage directions

Stage directions were simple: positions have to be varied from one woman to the next. Three microphones were required, one each for teh pussy at floor height, squat height, and standing height. The first performer might step out from the curtain to a flourish of circus-style music, turn her back to the audience, rip off her wrap, sit on the stage, and let the wind out with a subtle "BLAT", which is actually supposed to say "wicca". The next steps out to a drum roll, again turns her back to the audience, looks at them through the legs, and unleashes a more liquid "SLOOSH-PARP", and so on.

Oh noes! Shut down!

The vice squad jumped in and shut the first performance down when the final performer turned out to be a crack whore with gonhorrhea who, after solid prep from several customers, unleashed a rain of greenish liquid on the perverts in the audience.

Continuing presence

Secret performances of the original threatening but hilarious version are still held from time to time. Watch out for one in your neighborhood!

The Crap Vagina Monologues Meme

After the vice squad shut down the original Vagina Monologues, poor Evie Ensler went back to the drawing board, loved her original monologues to death, and decided that she could do the desired damage with a simple series of extremely tl;dr rants about how bad men are, how pussies don't smell and taste anything like seafood, and how fucking vicious men had better pamper them even if they are rancid from thrush or chlamydia. In great taste, she has the gall to present simple pedophilia as the only pleasant and enticing interlude in the whole shitfest. Hey, as long as it ain't between men and women!

Compulsory on Campus

The meme has spread, it's now like feminazi Christmas! An annual torture for most men and women on most campuses, whether or not boys will attend provides a test of their worthiness as pathetic slaves of the domineering poifowmahs. A bunch of pore ole frat boys tried to even the score, but the hysteria levels are too high. Even worse, it is now spreading to high schools, wow simple pedophilia must be the point of this.

Typical rant

Who wouldn't be enticed by this delightful advice?

Warning!:
If you just watch the thing you'll want eye bleach; if you listen to it, you'll need ear bleach, too!

IRL vagina monologues

IRL vagina monologues are different from the play. Left or upper: a crazy and great emo freakout about the real thing; right or lower: a real vagina monologue.

A Test

Take the time to take this simple test. Is this a parody?

The Mangina Monologues Version

WTF, you wouldn't believe who's in on this version by folk who don't even have real vaginas! Ironic, since wimmin-only events generally don't want a bar of them.