The Cancer That Is Killing /b/

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Damn straight, Arguecat.
Damn straight, Arguecat.
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. 6 Moths ago, /b/ would have been nothing but supportive, and help to keep a low profile over the feds, and possibly provide addresses to nearby surplus stores. Now, with all the newfags, we get THIS. Way to fucking go, 'Internet Hate Machine'.
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. 6 Moths ago, /b/ would have been nothing but supportive, and help to keep a low profile over the feds, and possibly provide addresses to nearby surplus stores. Now, with all the newfags, we get THIS. Way to fucking go, 'Internet Hate Machine'.
Actually, /b/ was originally 14 year olds pretending to be adults acting like 14 year olds.
Actually, /b/ was originally 14 year olds pretending to be adults acting like 14 year olds.

The cancer that is killing /b/ is unknown to many, and has been speculated by some to be various things. Many have speculated the cancer was caused by The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006 but since /b/tards have been whining about n00bs since day one, it is now known that /b/ was born with cancer. Moot has said that raids are the cancer that is killing /b/ [1]. This is due to the proven fact that he is a fag.

To help understand what /b/ is all about, a newfag pretends to be a veteran and writes boring, TL;DR post:


TL; DR: 4chan veteran explains it for the newbies in the hope that it will at least partially help to improve the site.

4chan (4channel)is an image bard based on, and inspired by, 2channel (2chan.net) which is a Japanese image board. It is the largest English speaking image board of its type. It is a website designed for adults only. The culture of 4chan is a deeply complicated one. It is Japanese themed and inspired. The boards were originally organized by letter, a b c and so on. /b/ was and remains the "random" board, which is by far the most visited board on the site, receiving as it does over 100,000 posts a day. However, it is nothing remotely like or related to Gaia. It really is an adult web site. The long running joke that has developed over the past 3 or so years is that everybody on the website, (well, on /b/ anyway) whilst ADULTS, and reasonably intelligent ones at that, engage in moronic activities verging on the utterly stupid. The joke being that everyone acts like the same retarded individual. WHILST KNOWING THAT THEY ARE NOT. The joke is in the delivery.

The humor was fairly unique, and ridiculously complex and almost impossible to follow as a newbie. The problem that has blighted 4chan in recent years (and which really started to kick in about 2 or so years ago) is that newcomers to the site, usually heading to /b/ to see what the fuss is all about, see the retardedness of people acting like 14 year olds, and then start thinking that indeed, the website is a place for 14 years olds to hang out and be retarded. This in turn lead to masses of underage users flooding the site. Recent media attention makes this problem increase. Eventually, so many 14 year olds end up browsing the site that the original adult userbase has been overshadowed by the masses of underage people who have now turned the joke inside out, and the site has now literally become a place for 14 year olds to be retarded.

There are several problems with this. The first is that all the old populace of 4chan start whining about this very fact. The second is that the quality of posting completely degrades. The old rules were that you would have to lurk for ages before posting. And you actually would, because the in-jokes were so obscure and closely knit that lurking was the only way you had of knowing what the hell was going on. People now don't bother, and so many new users means that the original point of the board (an extension of a something awful sub forum celebrating a retarded sense of humor crossed with a love for Japanese animation) has been wiped clean.

This is a direct result of the board achieving widespread popularity and new users from sites like this. So now, rather than massive photoshop contests (similar to Photoshop Friday on SomethingAwful) or well written stories, either humorous, or completely obscene, written by adults, the board is flooded with people posting pictures of themselves, reposting old, long dead memes (memetics; the idea of something catching on to the popular masses, think the stupid "whasssup" Budweiser adverts...idiots shouting it at their friends and so on) that are no longer funny, people taking the idea of anonymous/legion seriously (protip: it's a joke) people reposting threads such as "you raff you ruse" without sometimes even knowing what that means, and generally forgetting that 4chan is an IMAGEBOARD and that posts should be all about interesting/freaky/funny/downright disturbing photo's, drawings and photoshops.

Somehow this really touched moot's heart and moot got rid of forced anonymous, thinking it would cure cancer. Why moot fell for it, nobody knows. It is known that the poster is a newfag who doesn't know that moot founded 4chan in 2003 when he was 14 and most of the original mods like Shii were also that age.

The getting rid of forced anonymous was somehow falsely called the chemo that is curing /b/, but instead of curing cancer, it brought a new cancer because now: type Alt+173 in the name field and put mοοt !Εр8рui8Vw2 ＃# Αdmіn in subject field and you can now impersonate moot.

"The Cancer That Is Killing /b/" (or rather "The Cancer That Is Killing /any board/") has sort of become a catch-all phrase for butthurt faggots who think they are being trolled and "their" board ruined. Calling the offenders newfags also comes with the territory.

Contents

[edit] Main Cancer Culprits

Typical Newfag behavior
Typical Newfag behavior
Typical Encyclopedia Dramatica reader (Caitlin Moran)
Typical Encyclopedia Dramatica reader (Caitlin Moran)
Typical newfags
Typical newfags
YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
YET ANOTHER!!!
YET ANOTHER!!!
OMG! SO FUNNAY!
OMG! SO FUNNAY!
every newfag luvs Emoticons!!!
every newfag luvs Emoticons!!!

Here are some of the worst threats to /b/, as presented by random dipshits who likely have no idea what they're talking about:

[edit] Admins

When mods, and admins just stop giving a shit, their *chans tend to fall into the pit trap of cancerous aids, and eventually null root. This is most notable in 4chan, where the detestable muffpoot's e-penis is directly dependent on the size of his user base. Meaning that to him, furries and gaiafags are A-OK! Most of the time, however, when the admins stop caring they close down their chan, as has been the fate of many a shitty *chan board, and thus, it takes a special breed of faggot to let himself be the cancer of his own chan.

One of the biggest cancers of /b/, even more than any user is when the chan lags and dies. Every day, moot makes /b/ go slower and slower, while making the other boards on 4chan go faster and faster. Moot is also too lazy to implement tiny fixes to solve huge problems in /b/ that have existed for years and he also is too lazy to do anything about how over 50% of /b/'s posts are spam from Anontalk.com. Thus, moot truly is the cancer that is killing /b/.

[edit] Newfags

Newfags are almost non-existent, as most of these supposed "newfags" are actually trolls. However, those who are actual real newfags have the stereotype of having no idea there are rules or a FAQ and just don't know when to stop lurking. 99% of newfags are under 18; (also known as underage B&) who will do all sorts of typical teenage bullshit like giving camwhores attention, trying to use /b/ as their personal army, trying to use anon as a means of spreading justice/goodwill, arguing over Mac vs PC's, wars over circumcision or nations, getting offended by everything, and all other shit nobody cares about. One of the funnier textbook examples is Katy.

[edit] Oldfags

Oldfags are the malignant cells that are killing /b/. They, or rather some of them, were once a creative force for lulz in the universe, posting guro, inventing Caturday, and cyberstalking Cracky-chan. Like anything old they have grown stale and shitty and whine about the younger crop while talking about how great things were back in their day. This is pure bullshit as anyone with a brain knows that /b/ was never good. Also, like the good pedophiles they truly are, they consistently bitch and moan about the decline in the amount of CP on /b/. The only amount of lulz they produce now is the inevitable drama that results from their posts about how they are leaving /b/ forever. About half of all 'cancerous' posts are actually oldfags bitching about the 'cancer'.

[edit] Gaiafags

Although they might know a little more about memes than your average newfag, Gaiafags are considered far worse by many. Coming from one of the biggest concentrations of stupid on the net, Gaiafags seem to ruin everything in /b/ that they touch like a King Midas of FAIL. They ruin memes by yelling them out loud in IRL and giggle about it with their friends at school in a massive orgy of faggotry. Worse still is that they claim to be "true" /b/ tards, even though they are easily identified by their teenage stupidity. Infamous example of this: Trey Burba


Look out for their eco rush. See also: GameFAGs

Fukken win FAILURE
Fukken win FAILURE

[edit] Namefags

Namefags are just newfags who post their names and fail because they are not Anonymous. Occasionally they spend some lulz by failing but for the most part they are yet another contribution to the cancer. In other words, if you post your name on /b/ and make a thread, don't repost in that thread or just delete your name and become an anon, srsly, it's not that hard to prevent fail.

Back in the good old days, camwhores got what they deserved.
Back in the good old days, camwhores got what they deserved.

[edit] Camwhores

Girls and guys alike who post Internet Disease ridden pictures of themselves asking stupid questions like "am I hot?" or "I don't think im pretty..." and other facepalm-inducing cries for attention. Once banned by mods, and dealt with the simple TITS OR GTFO rule, camwhores are getting more common in /b/ due to lonely newfags giving them attention and bumping the thread in their desperate attempts to get E-Laid. Newfags that repost Camwhores should be saged on sight for massive faggotry. Either that, or the mods can start using their banhammers on these fuckers, but go figure the odds on that.

What you'd typically expect from a camwhore on /b/.
What you'd typically expect from a camwhore on /b/.

[edit] Drawhores

Imagine camwhores, only these particular ones are so fucking ugly that they post MSPaint pics of themselves instead of mugshots. These threads are full of even more fail, and are just slight variations of the original pic with them droning on over non-existent problems. Gaiafags are responsible for keeping these threads popular.
IN REMISSION

[edit] Project Chanology

I remember a day long ago. A day much purer than this one. A day with more child porn. Plus there was more protesting by newfags. Chanology once dominated /b/. It once resounded its message throughout the deepest recesses of anon. Now that it has died, there is only a remnant of the cancerous cell remaining in the body of the chans
Here are some examples of these remnants:
Image:COS_EFG_party.gif


[edit] Forced Memes

Once upon a time, memes became memes because they were either a hilarious paring of an image and text, a catchphrase, or an image with hilarious copypasta. Now more than ever newfags are trying to post nonsensical bullshit over and over again in an attempt to be responsible for the next big thing for either attention or to claim E-Fame. Worst offender: WHEN I WAS Touchdown Thurman Thomas THE BEST DICK BUTT EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLIN

[edit] Invasions

According to some, at Otakon's 2007 4chan panel, when asked by a random nigra if an /i/ board would be added, moot responded that they are for faggots who deserve nothing less than Raptor Jesus to shit on them, and that it is the cancer that is killing /b/. He was absolutely right, because these internet tough guys are dragging people in with their fight-club mentality. While most invasions are utter shit that bring in hordes of newfags, it is important to note that a well-planned, well-executed raid (with adherence to rules 1&2) can bring much-needed lulz to our dying dystopia. It doesn't need /i/ in order to do this though, because /i/ is full of retards. Things on /i/ can go one of two ways: Way #1:

Newfag #1: HAY GUISE LOL WUT CHARGIN LAZOR LOLZ SHOOP DA WHOOP THIS KID TOOK MY LUNCH MONEY CALL HIM AND SAY BAD THINGS HERES HIS NUMBER LOLZ 696 696 6969 BUT BECAREFUL HE DOSNT AFRAID OF ANYTHING

/i/ fag: OMG GTFO MY /i/ NOT UR PERSONAL ARMY OMG JESUS CHRIST NEWFAG

Way #2:

Newfag #2: DUDE GUYS. I JUST GOT THE GREATEST IDEA. HOW ABOUT IF WE...READY FOR THIS? HOW ABOUT WE RAID GAIA?! PRETTY CLEVAR AND ORIGINAL, AMIRITE?!

/i/fag: GTFO MY /i/

No successful invasions have been pulled off by /i/ in a long fucking time (even failing at Habbo). They just sorta drag in newfags.

[edit] Encyclopedia Dramatica

For cataloging the secret, sacred memes of the chans, thus allowing anybody to come along and learn about chan culture without lurking. Often exaggerated in its effects by rabid newfags looking for a scapegoat, though. According to the gentlemen of /r9k/, ED presents /b/'s inside jokes out of context, thus sending new people to /b/ with all the wrong thoughts in their heads.

[edit] Spam

Although moot lied to Time Magazine about spammers not bothering on 4chan, any time you go in /b/, every thread will be spammed by the bot for Anontalk.com, often multiple times. Even when /b/ is so laggy that no one can post, the anontalk spambot is still spamming away. The 4chan mods are also part of the cancer for ignoring all reports about this. It is estimated that 50% of /b/'s posts are Anontalk spam.

[edit] In This Article: Bullshit

Now that you've read that massive load of bullshit and other supposed reasons for cancer, you should know that the real reason for cancer is actually just faggots shouting "Forced meme!" at every potential new meme because they're retards. Now /b/ is left with only the old meme's to get lulz from, even though they have been bled dry of their lulz. Hence, there is now nothing but trolls left as the newfags don't know any other way to get a win.

[edit] TL;DR

The board used to be a great place to read/post random bullshit stories, which would often spawn memes. But ever since the faggots with ADHD started flooding in, the entire board has been saged with one-word posts. No one has the attention span to read a lulzy chatlog/confession/story anymore - now they just say "tl;dr" or call OP a troll and go to some other bullshit thread.

It shouldn't matter how long they've been on 4chan, it should be about the quality of the content.

[edit] The Truth

The internet is cancer. Deal with it and STFU.

[edit] How to Spot a Newfag

 
“ 		 
Know thy enemy, know thyself: That is the key to victory.
  		„
 

— Sun-Tzu, Or some shit to that effect


Take special notice, dear viewer, of the butchering of treasured meme: ITTY BITTY BABY ITTY BITTY BOAT.

It's important for all good anons to assault the cancer with whatever chemo you have at your disposal in your surroundings.

A newfag pretending to be an oldfag. Note the high amount of weeaboo subscribers and comments

[edit] Other Threats:

This is why the facepalm was invented.
This is why the facepalm was invented.
Even newfags know Chanology is fail.
Even newfags know Chanology is fail.
Bjweeks
Bjweeks
Fagvertisements
Fagvertisements

Here is a list of other things have been thought to be the cancer that is killing /b/:

THE TRUE THREAT THAT IS KILLING /b/ IS THE SCRIPTED CANCER! JUNE 13, 2008 NEVAR FORGET. /b/ is worse than ever

[edit] Copypasta Cure for the cancer that is killing /b/

Recently a new piece of delicious copypasta has surfaced on /b/ in order to help prevent the cancer from spreading. However, use of this pasta only results in newfags and gaiafags raging, thus increasing the level of their faggotry tenfold.


 
“ 		 
This is a message to all newfags and cancer currently killing /b/, What the fuck do you think this is, some place where you can just waltz in unannounced and be received with arms wide open? WELL FUCK THAT! This is motherfucking /b/, bitch. WE call the shots. WE ALWAYS get shotgun. WE don't give a fuck who you are, because WE are infinitely more important than you. WE are always first in line. WE always fuck the hot chick before she gets acne and settles for you. WE rob banks, charities, and ANYONE else who fucking pisses us off. This place is more than just a place, faggot, it is an IDEOLOGY. And this ideology says you need to GET THE FUCK OUT. No one here will ever like you. WE have already established cliques, slop-worthy-hoes, and prop-worthy-bros, GOT IT? WE are the ideology of elitism, exploitation, and lulz. This isn't a fucking game, kid, so don't try to tag along. You're talking to people who have been around the block AND THEN SOME. WE pioneered class. WE made 'cool' cool. And you? What have you done? Jerked off in the shower? WE INVENTED JERKING OFF IN THE SHOWER, you stupid bitch. There is a clear-cut, defined, infinitely thick WALL between you and us. WE built the wall that keeps you fags OUT. So don't try to act like you know what the fuck is going on, because you don't. You just do NOT. But you really think you can compete with /b/? LOL WOW Don't make me start flaming you. Are you forgetting who we are? WE are the ones who film people like you getting fucking destroyed by us. WE will rip your ASSHOLE out of your fucking rectum, STITCH IT on top of your pitiful dick hole, and then fuck you in the VAGINA we just made for you. SO WE MAKE YOU INTO A BITCH. Do you get it now? This site isn't a game, it isn't a place to 'chill' with your fags, and it isn't some fucking haven where people like you can get acceptance from people like US. IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. JUST GTFO. .
  		„
 

—Anonymous


[edit] Cures for the cancer that is killing /b/

A scientific research has been conducted that shows that the main form of idiocy perpetrated by the mass of tards is the overuse of unfunny memes. To combat this, please inform of them of their fail using the recently created delicious copypasta.

OP doesn't understand what the fuck a meme is and why they are funny. A meme isn't funny just because it's a meme. It's simply something funny in its own right that is brought up in relevant satirical context because it brings back good/funny memories. It's like an inside joke. Labeling any random string of text or any random picture a meme is a one-way ticket to failville that no rational, intelligent person would purchase. Therefore, I can make the assumption that you're an asshat, unfunny, and a retard. Enjoy your fail.

[edit] See Also



The Cancer That Is Killing /b/ is part of a series on the cancer that is killing /b/.

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