Theferrett

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Theferrett is one of killhamster's sock puppets.

Contents

[edit] Sexual Habits

The sexual habits of Theferrett abound in the rumour mill of gossip. He is noted for screaming his uncle Ginny's name in ecstacy while making love to his wife Gini. This habit becomes all the more peculiar whenever uncle Ginny sleeps next door.

Theferrett's family is blessed with an operatic production at every dinner, as he and one of his numerous paramours will inevitably slip away from the dinner table and make the ceiling shake with moans while the rest of the gang is still consuming edible matter from cookpots.

[edit] The Untold Story

There are many secret societies, subcultures, and cults on LiveJournal – Gamers, Satanists, Magic Card Fanatics, Punks, Furries, Scenesters, White Supremacists, Wiccans, Horse Thieves, Reefer Addicts, Black Supremacists, Leather Fetishists, Queers, Live Action Roleplayers, Fake Vomit Afficionados, Shut-ins, Comic Book Geeks, Texas Neocons, Invertebrates, Communists, Otaku, Britaku, Welfares/Disability Defrauders, Anarchists, Plausible Deniability Fans, Emo kids, Veterans of the Bay of Pigs Invasion, Scientologists – you know, the scum of the Internet. They come in different colors, sizes, and flavors, but they all have one thing in common.

Theferrett IS THEIR UNDISPUTED LEADER. King Geek they call him, Praise Be His Mighty Name! From his glittering silver throne atop the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas, NV, Theferrett dispenses justice and peace with the help of invisible nerd rays which emanate from all of his various holes. There he is sexually serviced by wave after wave of Elfquest fanatics, blubbery 30 year old women who surrender their naked, open-sore-covered bodies to sate the lust of their inhuman master. It is said that no Furry, male or female, can look upon him without spontaneously blowing a load of man-jam or spraying milk out of painfully erect nipples.

[edit] History

Theferrett inhabits the body of some guy from Ohio that used to work for StarCityGames.Com or something like that. I dunno. He had some kind of geek dream job. He also wrote some book about LAN parties, and in his spare time he wrote a big essay on how to be a complete and total Livejournal whore with an incredibly loose internet man-pussy. His life story can be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here(he's a big fucking pussy about weed), here, and here, but its largely irrelevant since the virus made him its prime host.

The Virus, a genetically engineered pathogeon designed by a secret cadre of Hollywood Liberals and Jewish Intellectuals, entered his body as a result of a sexual mishap involving two live salmon. While the Virus was originally intended to go into the rotting anus of Marlon Brando, the 12 year-old Vietnamese girl who was holding the salad tongs had a sudden LSD flashback, and ended up slipping in a pool of Jameth's vomit. Accounts of this event are sketchy, at best. The Virus now uses this poor fool's slowly bloating body to disrupt the chi flow of the Internet by filling Livejournal with such LJ blasphemies as good spelling, proper paragraph formatting, and posts with more than two sentences, and while his innocent victims are wasting their pathetically short lives reading about why Firefly shouldn't have been cancelled or how to talk to your sixteen year-old daughter about the proper lubricants to use for anal fisting, his spinach-flavored minions swoop down on entire unsuspecting communities, raping, pillaging, and setting fire to any and all tampon factories in their path.

[edit] Social Activism

Revealing that his low-tide forehead ensconces a mighty brain of dubious workings, TheFerrett recently came up with the "Open-Source Boob Project," a masterfully advanced way to get the attention-starved girls in his immediate orbit to permit him to grope them, all in the name of making sex less shameful and degrading (someone should tell him that only sex with HIM is shameful/degrading). Typical of his personality-fapping ways, this groundbreaking concept was reframed as some kind of OMG SOCIAL REVOLUTION!!!!1! though it is just same shit different day misogyny--in a Sailor Moon corset. Of his masterwork of public groping (the need for which which has certainly been a gaping hole in our society for decades because it's not like he could go to a strip bar or anything), TheFerrett said "Touch the magic, my friends. Touch the magic." He then claimed that thousands of women have been touched by his blessed hands; most of these poor souls can be found at the free clinic nearest the ComiCon.

[edit] See Also

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