Tim Russert
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Tim Russert is was a fat old media troll who got his jollies by picking on political fucks during his hour long show called "Meet the Press" "EET THE TWINKIES". He is best known on the intertubes for his untimely IRL ban for repeat fatassing. As a Child, Tim was molested by his Catholic father. He later wrote two award-winning books, mostly about himself and his dad having buttsecks.
Mr. Russert died of an aparent Twinkie overdose at 1:30pm Eastern Time on Friday the 13th, June 2008. His death rocked the Old Media hugbox, as many other newscasters are addicted to twinkies.
Tim Russert is now the Peter Jennings of obesity.
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[edit] Before his death
Months before his IRL permiban, Tim Russert contracted the dreaded DIA-BEETUS! (RLY)
Some Argue the actual cause of death was the strain on his heart from buttsecks with Wolf Blitzer.
Others say he died of Coronary artery disease, brought on by years of Twinkies.
An Autopsy revealed that he weighed over 9000lbs at the time of his death. Tim Russert is now blamed for Old Media's money problems, he drove them into bankruptcy by IRL raiding their salad bar one to many times.
[edit] Timeline of Events
12:24pm: Russert finishes taping "EET THE TWINKIES"
12:43pm: Russert is seen in his dressing room having buttsecks with Wolf Blitzer
12:57pm: Russert begins taping the OM NOM NOM NOM voiceover for "EET THE TWINKIES"
1:02pm: Russert takes a twinkie break. Atleast 100 of Old Media's Twinkies are now missing.
1:17pm: God says "Thou hast ate meh Twinkies enough, let ye feel thy wrath of DIABEETUS"
1:22pm: Russert says "Damn, those new triple frosted Twinkies are so gooHNNNNNNGGGGG"
1:34pm: Paramedics use a flatbed truck to take Russert to the nearest hospital where he pronounced "IRL PERMIBANNED FOR RAIDING THE SALAD BAR ONE TOO MANY TIMES".
2:21pm: Wolf Blitzer does it with Timmy's fat corpse, one last time.
[edit] 2008 Presidential Race Trolling
Everyone knows that before his IRL permiban, ol' Timmy Interviewed The Nigger, The Bitch, The Geezer, and der Fuhrer. He loved buttsecks trolling the presidential fuckers, and much lulz ensued when he PWNT them as a master debater.
Tim enjoyed the lulz created by asking Mitt Romney about his family life. He also asked Rudy Fagiani about his stint on SNL as Hillary Clinton.
[edit] Fresh Newszombie of Twinkair
Now this is a story all about how my
Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the Fresh Newszombie of Twinkair.
In salad bars and twinkies I was born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, munchin', relaxin', all cool
And all gobblin' ma dad's balls outside o' ma school
When a couple of twinkies were up to no good
Started makin' fat in my enormous ass
I got one little stroke and my doc got scared
And said, "You might become a Fresh Newszombie of Twinkair!"
I whistled for a hearse and when it came near
The license plate said TWINKIES and it had a coffin in the rear
If anything I could say that this hearse wasn't rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo homes to Twinkair!"
I pulled up to the morgue about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the TV, "Yo NBC smell ya later!"
I looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Fresh Newszombie of Twinkair.
[edit] OMG AUTOPSY PHOTO!
[edit] Gallery
 Russert, clearly in on the joke |
 Finally, a reason to watch television |
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Damn DIABEETUS! |
Lol god hates fats. |
