Toowoomba
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Toowoomba (or Poowoomba) is an old and disowned outer suburb of Brisbane in Queensland, Australia. It is ruled by the cruel dictator Queen Dianne Thorley and all residents are ritually forced to lick her anus in a pagan ritual each Thursday. There is absolutely nothing good about Toowoomba unless you're an old decrepit white supremacist. If Hitler were alive he would live there, 'nuff said.
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[edit] History
Once upon a time at least 100 years ago there was a Brisbane suburb that began to attract the likes of white supremacists, rednecks and nazis. These pack of freaks began to scare all the yuppies, so they picked up the entire suburb and hid it in a hole in a mountain. They didn't notice the move took place, for they were still asleep due to their ridiculous 10pm curfew that no-one enforces except the Nazis themselves.
Unfortunately this move turned out to be more costly as every convict and his dog is in denial about no longer being a part of Brisbane. So now they are required to constantly supply more highways linking the suburb to Brisbane seeing as each redneck has 3 cars for every testicle they lack.
The name Toowoomba means 'swamp'. Unfortunately the irony of this is lost on most of its citizens.
[edit] Residents
Toowoomba is populated by old conservatives who have the retarded notion that life is serious business and anyone different from them deserves to die. This is rather well illustrated by the existence of the E.S. Nigger Brown Stand located prominently in town, despite the fact that the United Nations has asked for it to be renamed. They are famous for voting "No" to giving women and nigra aboriginals suffrage, "No" to federation, and SURPRISE OH WOW, "No" to recycling their own shit.
[edit] White Straight Inbred Christians
The only people welcome stupid enough to live in this shithole, everyone else can GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.
[edit] Women
While women are welcome in Toowoomba, only to curb buggery, they are strongly advised to keep in line or face having the shit beaten out of them on camera and having that uploaded to YouTube.
[edit] Black People
GET THE FUCK OUT, 'aint no work 'round here for you boy. Toowoomba has an increasing number of black people due to the war in Sudan and accordingly an increase in white supremacy. Shitloads of letters have been dropped into mail boxes declaring white people an endangered species which even made the front page of the local newspaper, the Chronicle, not that it's a difficult thing to do. It is a well known fact that there are no niggers in Toowoomba, just electrician apprentices.
Last Thursday a group of IRL Trolls from the now deleted website fightback.org.au "The Voice of the White Pride Coalition of Australia" started an epic campaign to destroy the undesirables resulting in The Man shutting down their internets and sending them to inevitable prison rape by a large black man.
[edit] Homos
Despite Toowoomba being the home of gardens, flowers, and all things faggotry, fags are ADVZD to gb2planet-they-came-from. Homos are not dang well welcome 'round these parts. At the city's TAFEversity (the University of Southern Queersland), the Gay/Straight alliance constantly has to replace vandalized and completely destroyed posters advertising their group. Universities are supposed to be liberal places, but not one where being able to hold a pencil secures entry. All homosexuals are advised to become an hero before you are beaten to death.
[edit] Events
[edit] The Carnival of Flowers
Despite the city having no water (NOTE: it's a desert fucking wasteland), the carnival of flowers has managed to live on long past it's used-by-date. Although it seems absolutely fucking insane to have this carnival with the current water crisis, it is the only reason anyone would ever have travel to Toowoomba. At least 100 years ago, the Carnival was a shitty festival for Toowoomba citizens to proudly display their skills with orchids, roses and carnations. Now, in the middle of a drought, the Carnival of Flowers aims to get as many tourists as possible into Toowoomba to consume the remainders of the town's measly supply of water. Though this fucktarded shit still exists, it probably won't for long. Last year's parade proved to be an unworthy pile of shit and it appears the festival is set for a doomed, bleak future.
[edit] The Australian Gospel Music Festival
The AGMF is an enormous EXTREMELY LOUD multi-million dollar festival of Christian rock held RIGHT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF TOWN. During the horrifying weekend this festival is on the town is overrun with even more conservatives than usual, making leaving the house a VERY BAD IDEA for anyone of a minority group. PLZ be ADVZD that these people do not want to save you; they want to kill you. It's also technically illegal, it doesn't help the economy, and shit heads prance around town acting as if you have no right to be in your home town, since you are a hateful homo. They're Christian, so they can basically kneecap you in the streets.
[edit] Things to do in Toowoomba
- Spit off the top of Grand Central carpark and try score yourself an emo in the hair
- Buy ice cream cones, put them on the railroad tracks, and wait for the train to SPLAZMO it all over itself
- Become an hero buy falling off the center plaza in Grand Central onto the hard, marble floor. BULLY!
- Dress up in Hogwarts robes and walk through Christian Outreach College preaching Witchcraft and Satan worship to all
- gb2/brisbane/
[edit] See Also
- Australia
- Adelaide
- Brisbane
- Canberra
- Melbourne
- Perth
- Port Arthur
- Tasmania
- Dianne Thorley
- Harristown High
- E.S. Nigger Brown Stand
