Tucker Max
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
His name is Tucker Max and he is an asshole.
Tucker Max is a drunkard, a Maddox fanboy, and most importantly, a huge pedophile. He runs a site that looks like it hasn't had a face lift since 2001 on which he spins his wheels on subjects such as anal rape, "sushi pants", charity auctions and things that generally end poorly, thanks to his aspie-fueled antics.
On the site, you can also browse through images of his ex-girlfriends
Alongside a notorious ass pirate and some dude nobody ever heard of, Tucker Max auditioned for the Sirius radio extravaganza tentatively called The Ass Pirate, The Notorious Nobody and The Whiny Bitch That Just Can't Shut Up. The pilot was not picked, which puts Sirius radio in the untenable position of having one shitty freak act that they don't relay. Regardless, Tucker Max has an exceptional radio voice, filling the gap between a banshee's wail and Avril Lavigne. He maintains this rare quality by gargling a bucket of fresh horse sperm every morning.
Few people know that Tucker Max has in fact stolen 72.85% of his content (99.76% if you only count content that doesn't completely suck) from celebrated Internet celebrity Mack Tight, who is terminally retarded and lives in a can of worms that was accidentally opened during The Sinking of Something Awful and could never be closed again.
Tucker Max is constantly being sued by idiots. This happens because he never interacts with them, and they are jealous. In fact, none of the 2 people that sued him ever met him in their life. This is because Tucker Max is far from associating with vapid skanks and slow eyed heir dimwits, let alone hang out with them and stuff.
An accomplished author, Tucker Max has recently released a third book. Unlike the previous two, this last one doesn't suck, as proven by the fact that this one isn't self published. It's vanity press. Therefore, it blows.
According to Tucker Max, he lives off selling ads and giving speeches, which makes him a politician. Being a politician, Tucker Max spends a lot of time polishing teh knob. But he doesn't mind, because he's doing it all for the fanz. Which is like lulz except unfunny
Tucker Max is very tall and athletic, reports conflict but we know he must be in between 3'2 and 3'5, weighing in at 479 grams and a feather. Occasionally he appears taller but it's because he's standing on the transparent prosthetic penis he uses, since he lost his own in a logging accident (don't ask).
[edit] Keep a look out, kiddies
Tucker isn't just about fucking psychotic sluts any more. No, in fact, he has opened up his very own official company, Rudius Media. He has big ideas, ones that will revolutionize the entertainment industry. He is going to change the world with...blogs? Shitty ones at that. Current projects include:
- TV show based on aforementioned third book (Canceled faster than a white trash family's credit cards)
- INDEPENDENTLY produced movie, based around the third book
- TV show based on one of his blogger-slave's sites. (Possibly The Jamie Kennedy Anal Sex Experiment?)
[edit] See Also
