From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Twitter Shitter is a boring Web 2.0 website that relies on updates from mobile devices and on the homepage. Anyone stupid enough to sign up to this website is bombarded by meaningless updates that don't actually say anything or hold any value. Entries are limited to 140 letters and are generally uploaded via txt and IM. Anyone you add has their entries posted on your homepage, so there's no chance of avoiding them. tl;dr: LiveJournal on crack. The Twitter equivalent of the blogosphere is known as the Twitterverse.
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[edit] Programs
For being such a boring, useless website, Twitter has over 9,000 apps to waste space on your harddrive. For some reason, these are really popular, as there's one entry for ever five that says some stupid name that generally has the word "Friend" or some variation of "Twitter" in the name.
- twhirl - Stupid looking waste of space.
- netvibes - Don't expect to know what this website even does.
- twitterific - Hmmm...post on the website for free, or buy a program to do the same shit for $15US?
- twitterfox - A firefox plugin. If Firefox is even open, it should take a few seconds to update with or without the plugin.
- twit - Named after those who download it. Only for weeaboos.
- twitterfeed - Basically Twitter.
- tinytwitter - Boring.
There are, obviously, millions of other apps.
[edit] Entries
Since Twitter is basically a retarded LiveJournal, updates might range between 1 to 2 letters. Generally, an entry may be about what music someone's listening to, when they're going somewhere, a response to someone else, what they just clicked on, what they just thought, what letter they just thought about, what punctuation they just thought about, or beautiful poetry.
[edit] No Troll Hypothesis
In 2007, many fanbois and retarded bitches persistently claimed that trolling does not occur on Twitter. News of this Troll Free Zone - unheard of in the history of the internets - spread far and wide, and caused a massive explosion of late to the party lusers to sign up.
[edit] Drama! Twitter Refuses To Uphold Terms of Service! Oh Noes!
Unfortunate Ariel Waldman unfortunately works for Twitters unfortunate competitor Pownce:
| —Ariel does the Right Thing |
| —Ariel can't take it anymore |
| —Twitter doesn't give a fuck about your lame drama |
Instead of using the rather obvious block feature to ignore the offsensive user, Ariel began to harass the Twitter admins with complaint messages, only to be ignored. Butthurt and embarassed, Ariel embarked on a large scale publicity whoring campaign to let the world at large know that Twitter refuses to uphold their terms of service' including lawyers and all.
The whole event caused a great deal of worry and concern for Twitters loyal followers, as it provided a simple and obvious proof to invalidate the No Troll Hypothesis, and raepd them of any perceptions of their "specialness" as an "online community".
[edit] Scalability Is Serious Fucking Business (My Cock is Bigger Than Yours)
The instability of the Twitterverse and obsessive posting habits of many lusers means that daily use of Twitter has the network profile of a DDoS, frequently choking the site and blocking updates. This forces the lusers back to their usual faggotry where they whine and complain or post fawning sycophantic comments on the fail blog, a colossal feedback loop of narcissism leading to a dripping clusterfuck of triviality.
[edit] Transcript of a Typical Tweeting Episode
- Tweet / LuSer: eating a bagel! om nom nom (10:41am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is down! waiting for it to come back (10:43am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is still down :( (10:51am)
- Tweet / LuSer: is this working? (10:58am)
- Tweet / LuSer: seems to be working (10:59am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is back again! (10:59am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is down (11:01am)
From the outside, this typical behavior could easily be construed as vapid inanity. But engineers know that Twitter is Serious Fucking Business, making every Twitter failure a grand opportunity to compare penis size in blog posts that use the magic word Scalability. Technical experts kno that Twitter is a Distributed Messaging Service, which means that only engineers with massive cocks can understand the significance. Nothing could be more important than typical LuSer losing her ability to tell her retarded followers what she had for lunch. Of course, engineers know that they have bigger dicks than you and the Twitter developers, which is why they're obliged to mutually masturbate over every instance of Twitter fail, an activity which they call scalability advice from the trenches. This continues to happen, despite the fact that none of them have ever managed a successful high traffic website, nor do they have any fucking idea what the Twitter architecture actually looks like. The tubes are alive with the sound of fap fap fapping.
[edit] Technical expert reasons why Twitter architecture epitomizes Fail
- It is built with Ruby on Rails
- The Series of tubes is not gay enough to handle distributed asynchronous push style messaging
- TL;DR
[edit] Actual reason why Twitter architecture epitomizes Fail
- Twitter is a joke business that generates no money but plenty of lulz for its developers, who are attention whores addicted to the shit storm that occurs every time their service goes down
[edit] See Also
Web 2.0
Livejournal
MySpays
Boring
TS;DR
[edit] Links
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