Unrealistic Expectations
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| OH NOES!! Have fun going to an expensive, prestigious university. Have fun entering the workforce in debt. Have fun with the realization that it never really mattered what school you went to. Have fun with the fact that the douchebag that date-raped that girl from college that you totally wanted to sleep with is now your boss.!!#! |
Unrealistic expectations, the notion that great things will magically happen to you, are quite common in this, the pre-apocalyptic grim-yet-lulzy days of the internet.
While unrealistic expectations have always been problematic for some, with the death of proper corporal punishment in so-called "civilized society" and the discovery of the Internets, things have gone from that which one's eyes could ignore to the present, unbearable state where one is forced to constantly confront the deluded self-aggrandizing hopes of a multitude of friends, bloggers, website owners, web community users -- and the eventual froth of disappointment and depression when the stark reality of life finally begins to sink in.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations of Bloggers
Unfortunately, they all neglect the fact that all blogs say the same thing. It isn't exactly innovative when there are over 9000 blogs all writing about how Bill Clinton secretly rapes underaged choir boys or that Barack Obama is the omg Christchild.
Sure, you may make five dollars on google advertising or your Cafepress bumper stickers, but in the end, you still fail. See here (gone) and here for two examples of failure.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations of Meme Forcers
Congrats, DAfag. you have discovered 4chan. And with it, you have realized that the entire internet comes from this place, which gives you one stunning conclusion: This is the place to become internet famous.
So you spend all day using proxies and Rape.sh to force some shitty phrase or picture into being the next Chocklit Reign, only it won't. You are a faggot. I know it. They know it. Maybe even you know it.
Become an hero and die already.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations in MySpace or Facebook
The main unrealistic expectation is obvious; the belief that your friends list is really a list of your friends. Other unrealistic expectations include:
- Believing that internet disease pic is accurate.
- Falling for "chain letter" bulletins.
- Thinking you'll actually ever see the $100 laptop you just won.
- That there is a such thing as a "Myspace tracker".
- Delusion that just because you're a scene kid and you shave your eyebrows off, have bright coloured hair, act like a pretentious asshole, make shitty electronic music and wear clown-level amounts of makeup that you're going to be gay enough to be the next Gay God, Jeffree Star or Kiki Kannibal
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations of DevianTartlets
Wow. You've just spent the last week not working or doing your school work so you can finish that MS paint picture of Sonic the Hedgehog fucking Harry Potter while eating out Hermoine's pussy. You win the prize.
DevianTartlets you believe that by posting their half-assed untalented myspace camera flare shots, they'll be OMG discovered and get lots of hookers and blow. But none of them have. DeviantArtlets also believe by having five thousands comments of "OMG UR ART IS SO KAWAIIii ^________^ DESU NE", that they have become accomplished artists and one day might move to Japan and become a famous manga artist.
People like Snapesnogger and Ryoukitten have found out the hard way that drawing mpreg nagas doesn't necessarily translate into great art, while other people like Crystal-For-Ever continue to live an existence where because they have over 9000 blind, eyeless fans, they honestly believe they are the shit, when in fact, they are nothing BUT shit. This also leads people such as her to believe that they will somehow mass-produce a comic that will sell at least 100 copies and become rich and famous and ride into the fucking sunset. pretty much sums up 95% of tartlet's unrealistic expectations
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations in Online Relationships
Teh intarwebs can be great for dating, but you fail at it if you really think you're dating Naruto/Harry Potter/Sonic the Hedgehog. What makes matters worse is when you start to fall in love with the person playing a specific child's cartoon character.
The sad reality is that although you may be talking with a voluptuous vixen with size EEE boobs and a vagina that just won't quit, you're more than likely talking to either Chris Hansen or Brian Peppers. Srsly.
And for the gays, remember that they call them AOL inches for a reason.
Other unrealistic expectations involve the unholy lol of terror, the infamous, much-feared long-distance online relationship. Common amongst young gays, furries and the Renaissance Fair set, this involves unhealthy over-ideation on the part of both parties, and only ends with amazingly predictable heartache, tears, and dozens of e-friends signing off in the middle of an emo breakdown conversation.
In no case has a long-distance online relationship led to happiness, yet in spite of these impossible odds, many continue to pad onward to their certain doom, likely due to the emotional abyss which leads to certain basement dwelling death.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations on YouTube
DO NOT EXPECT:
- to find videos that are even remotely worthy of your time and attention.
- to find more than two low-quality porn videos amongst the other crap on the Todays Most Recent videos pages.
- to find anything but pageview-spammed adverts and TV clips on the Todays Most Viewed videos pages.
- to find anything but whiney vloggers and their whiney comment-spamming friends on the Todays Most Discussed Videos pages.
- anyone to give a shit about what is on the other "Most" pages.
- to be able to make videos that will be even remotely worthy of someone else's time and attention.
- to be able to reach the Top 100 most subscribed user list without being put there by a YouTube Staff member.
- to be able to obtain the help of a YouTube Staff member (eg. to get featured or placed on the signup_invite page) without sucking the cock of someone else who has already got their teeth on the teat of a YouTube Staff member.
- to be made a non paying YouTube Partner unless;
- the YouTube Staff have already placed you in the Top 100 most subscribed user list,
- you are a "favorite" of a YouTube Staff member,
- you are advertising some sort of business from your YouTube account (and will therefore behave)
- you have threatened at least once to leave YouTube forever
- you have the home phone number of a YouTube Staff member (and have threatened at least once to give it out).
- to win a video making contest on YouTube. They are all rigged. No exceptions. All of them.
- a contest where you have to subscribe to enter to be anything other than a scam.
- any bet that you win to be honored.
- anyone to be telling the truth, especially not YouTube Partners.
- the private stripper video you made for your boyfriend to remain private for very long.
- anyone to give a damn about your naked ass being copyright.
- YouTube to care when someone edits your video to make it look like you raped your grandmother (it will probably be the most popular video you ever appear in, so just go with it).
- the "Community Advocate" to say anything other than
- "We are looking into it"
- "You should contact support"
- "It is really not my job"
- "We have just...{claims credit for something he was not part of}"
- "Keep smilin sucker"
- that deleting the video of an alcohol-fueled rant you made about your ex-wife will stop it being reposted on YouTube for your daughter to see.
- that you can get a little bit of attention by causing a little bit of drama without getting your ass handed to you by a thousand no-life losers trying to ease their own pain by tearing your fuckin' life apart.
- anyone to care when you leave YouTube.
- anyone to remember you when you come back.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations on TOW
Wikipedia is notable for being full of unrealistic expectations; due to bias, misinformation and social engineering. It's unclear who to blame, nevertheless most point the finger at Jimbo Wales. While "keeping it unreal"; most Wikipedos enjoy developing articles on YouTube celebrities, and deleting unlicensed pictures FTW (ie Ichormosquito [1]). This process is recycled daily with the idea that some day the contributor (or user) will become an admin or ultimately an all powerful wiki-revisionist.
- Believing that no one will care that you're trying to get in the pants of a 16 year old
- Believing that TOW's internal systems are in any way shape or form fair and impartial or anything other than systemised exclusion.
[edit] High School
Dating is difficult in high school, especially if you have not discovered proactiv and/or smell like sewage. Lower your expectations and shoot for someone younger than you. Better yet, try to get a girl like Helen Keller.
In a few years, statutory rape will not matter.
In high school you seriously believe you are the shit, and that taking any kind of drug whether it be nutmeg, DXM, bananadine, Jenkem, or Raid bugspray makes you hardcore. Being idealistic and self-righteous like any teenager they preach tolerance, fairness, feminism, liberalism and equal rights, only to find out once they graduate that in the real world all of their beliefs are total bullshit, since stereotypes exist for a reason: They are all true.
Although some take the smarter road. You study for hours and pay hundreds of dollars to get a high score on the SATs, only to notice that you have wasted your time on an easy ass standardized test. But that was just a footnote. Wait until you get to college...
[edit] College
The unfortunate reality for them is that neither will happen. In fact, most are likely to get an assistant manager position at McDonald's. The result of this reality creates three options for new college graduates: either accept the fact that you will be stuck in a dead end job for years despite having moar than $50,000 in college loans to pay off, and hopefully get a decent job after working as an overworked secretary at a rundown cash loans office, drop a few hundred thousand dollars to go to some sort of post graduate school, or become an hero.
An internets example is ragnarok20, seen exhibiting his percieved smartness here. What he fails to realize however, is that arguing on the internet FOR UR RITE TO PARTAY and studying philosophy in between 12 hour power sessions of Halo leads to the graveyard shift at McDonalds.
However, many quite naively believed that there is a magical job market for people with liberal arts degrees to do whatever they did in the process to get their liberal arts degrees -- this form of unrealistic expectations results from sheer laziness, and often leads to bitterly believing that Mexicans are stealing the job you so rightfully deserve.
[edit] Graduate School
Graduate school contains two types of people: people who think that getting a graduate degree automatically qualifies them for an amazing job, or people who have been in the workforce for a while and need the degree in order for a raise/better job. This section focuses on the first group.
People who failed in college, by wasting their parents money on numerous associate's degrees in philosophy think that by getting a MASTERS in philosophy, they'll somehow be better off. And sure, they enjoy being in school so they can talk about the political ramifications that Machiavelli has on the post-modernist theories of neoconservatism for $40,000 a year. However, after they graduate and they're finally away from the sacred halls of "academics", they realize that the past 2-4 years have all been a waste, and that their time should have been better spent at medical school.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations on ED
| This article needs moar screenshots of people getting banned for their faggotry.. You can help by adding moar screenshots of people getting banned for their faggotry.. |
- Believing that your article is any good.
- Believing that vanity is good.
- Believing that vandalism isn't pointless.
- Believing that we aren't secretly laughing at you.
- Believing that noone will evar notice that you blanked a page.
- Believing that the internets are serious business.
- Believing that your first article won't be tagged as {{internets}}, {{links}}, {{shit}}, {{baleetplz}}, then finally deleted.
- Believing you won't get B& for your faggotry.
[edit] Unrealistic Expectations in Popular Culture
Getting your new car on the RIGHT DAY:
