User:Assmustard

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Assmustard on an especially good day.

Facemustard, not to be confused with assmustard.

1 Origin
2 CALL ME!!!
3 Survival
4 I was there

[edit] Origin

Assmustard began life as 1 part bottle of tequila, 2 parts bottled santorum. Due to an attempted abortion, assmustard's twin brother facemustard was born.

Now free to wander the internets via its personal wireless asslink connection, assmustard is more your mom than ever. Assmustard currently resides in the bowels of azns everywhere waiting to be released at a moments notice.

[edit] CALL ME!!!

You can reach Assmustard at (410)978-8824.

[edit] Survival

The following are necessary conditions for assmustard to exist:

~~cigarettes~~
pizza and beer
alcohol
hookers and blow
not visiting the unbirthing article, which is offensive
Lol cows

Assmustard's suck puppets.

Assmustard has no life, as evidenced by the single remaining heart at the upper left part of the screen. Assmustard needs more hearts.
Assmustard has no livejournal, myspace, or any online journal. Assmustard is e-dead.
Assmustard is a mustard.
In assmustard's culture, babies are food.

[edit] I was there

The sky is falling!

Needed a cigarette after the "WERE IZ TEH FUNNEE??" attack of Febuary 2006.
Ate a cheezeburger after the delete fucking everything of March 4, 2006.
Watched helplessly during the mass vandalism of March 16, 2006
Started the 3000th Article, which will hopefully provide the basis for many e-lawyer jokes.