User:Chunkmunky/Jesus Tortilla

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

The original Jesus tortilla

Last Wednesday, some batshit lady from New Mexico was making breakfast for her 12 children when Jesus himself decided to send her a message. Instead of talking to her, or performing a kind act, he instead felt that the only way to get through to her was to appear right before her very eyes...on a tortilla! And even though noone really knows what Jesus looks like, and people will believe in ANYTHING, it was truly a genuine honest-to-god miracle of epic proportions, which meant it was high time to shell out come cash, and start praying to a piece of flat bread. Truly, our God is an awesome God. Ever since then, people everywhere have been finding Jesus on various food items, in windows, and anywhere else that someone in need of your money happens to be.

Some may ask - why tortillas? Well, as bitches don't know, Jesus claimed during the last supper that the bread was his body. And, like suckers, people believed him. It should also come as no surprise that being a Jew, Jesus was toasted over and over again.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Jesus potato chip	Jesus fish stick	Jesus frying pan	Jesus oil stain
Jesus toast	moar Jesus toast	toast Jesus	Jesus window
Jesus pancake	Jesus woodgrain	Jesus MRI	Jesus oyster shell
Jesus shrimp	Jesus Jesus	yet another Jesus tortilla	Steamer pan Jesus
A virgin birth? Not fucking likely.

Selling Religion on eBay for Fun and Prophet

Of course it's the Virgin Mary. If it's not Jesus then there's only one other thing it could be, logically speaking.

In America (where else?) a piece of toast depicting an image of the virgin Mary has sold for $28,000 on eBay. Not only is this toast a decade (yes, 10 YEARS) old but as you can see someone has taken a bite out of it. This leads us to conclude:

Americans are a breed of fanatics who see religion everywhere
Americans are retards who will throw money at this religious fanaticism
Americans not only see something that is clearly not valuable as being worth alot of money, they are so fucking greedy they will still eat it. That bite probably knocked $10,000 off the selling price.

Read the news article here

DIY Jesus Toast!

make your own miracle!

Tired of waiting for the Almighty to bless your breakfast? Well no matter because now you can make your very own Jesus toast! Methods include:

Cutting butter into the shape of the almighty and putting it under the grill. Results suck.
Using a laser to burn in the details. Unless you find some poor bastard to sell the toast to, the laser will simply cost too much.
Buying a Jesus or Mary-shaped stencil.
????
PROFIT*

*Note: there isn't a prophet joke here because neither Jesus nor Mary were prophets. If you should get the image of a real prophet on your bread, then tough shit. Nobody cares about them.

Other Religious Apparitions

The Virgin Mary appears in a George Foreman grill tray	Virgin Mary turtle	Virgin Mary wood paneling	Chocolate Virgin Mary
Jesus and Mary pancake. There were two faces so the other one has to be Mary. it's the law.	I'm sure he'd love your cookies	It's not Jesus but it'll do	Sadly it was beef, not pork
Jesus toast (with a bite) sold for approx. £15,000. The Allah fish sold for only £10.	The trees say "there is no God but Allah" in moonspeak	This one has "God's servant" on its belly "Muhammad" near its head, and "His Messenger" on its tail. Word has it that it was also delicious.	With a translation for the non-believers
The image of Satan during 9/11. Even more irrefutable proof that Jews did WTC	This monstrosity is worshiped as a Goddess by Hindus. Probably wouldn't sell for much on eBay though.	Flying Spaghetti Monster pie	Atheist toast

Video

External Links

Chunkmunky/Jesus Tortilla is a part of a series on Foods.

Delicious Foods	Alcohol • Bacon and Eggs • BREADCRAB • Chikins • Cock • Dancing Sandwich • Delicious Cake • Ham • Honey Bunches of Oats • Hypnocake • Jesus Tortilla • Kool-Aid • Liver • Milk • Meat • Pizza and Beer • Pocky • Pork • Ramen • Sammich • Sea Kittens • Watermelonz • Whiskey
Less delicious	Food Pyramid • Gordon the Pringles Giraffe • Jizztini • McDonalds