User:Chunkmunky/Stinkrats

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

REAL MEN HATE WEASELS

Stinkrats, also called "weasels", or "ferrets", are the gayest possible pet that anyone could own. It combines the lameness of a cat and the outright flaming faggyness of a one of those yappy toy dogs that Hollywood whores keep in their purses, AND it reeks of shit and axel greese to boot. Given how crappy a ferret is, it takes a special kind of excentrist to even consider owning one of these pieces of crap.

Why Stinkrats Suck

Spiders make much better pets than stinkrats

They fucking smell like ass and embalming fluid, hence their common name. Many stinkrat owners remark how cuddly these overgrown rodents are, but Jesus Christ almighty, who the fuck wants to get anywhere near that shit?

It's closest relative is the common sewer rat, and they seem to know that they are inherently fail, as they like to an hero on you if you sneeze on them or look at them cross eyed. However, others think something other than their inferior genetic makeup could be to blame. Some zoologist speculate that ferrets simply dont live long because they would rather just die than be the pet of such a failure of a human being.

Whatever the reason, ferrets typically have a short lifespan, have chronically poor heath, and require all kinds of fake medicines, and special ferret food just to keep them alive (which is basically the dog and cat food that fell on the floor at the factory, only it costs as much as a tank of gas Every. Fucking. Week. This is why you beat youre girlfreind when she make this kind of stupid shity desision..

Holy Shit, Ferret Owners are Completely Batshit Insane

Stinkrat owners, as you would expect, are completely certifiable mental case fucktards. Think about how stupid you would have to be to want one of these, and combine that with someone who has an intense craving for the p3nor, typically make poor choices in life, and has the tendency to not SHUT THE FUCK UP long after you've flamed them into oblivion. Got all of that? It's much. much, worse:

Trolling Ferret Owners

>Fuck you my ferret is better than you

Trolling these stupid faggots is really easy, as they are, again, clearly diminished in mental capacity. They will go on endlessly about how great these little shits are, mostly as a facade, to hide the fact that they are secretly ashamed of their failure of a pet. Knowing that is half the battle. Some common ways of trolling these idiots are:

Saying pretty much anything remotely negative.
Posting cats in their faggy Ferret Friday threads on /an/ (IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!)
Tell them that a cat or a dog, or even a fucking goldfish, is >9000 times better than a shitty ferret, any day of the week.
Also, posting pictures of dead stinkrats. For some reason these are really easy to come by.

Gallery of Shame

There is no god.	/facepalm	Some stinkrat owners are into BDSM.	OH GOD MAKE IT STOP
That's right, Paris Hilton owns a stinkrat. I think that pretty much says it all. BTW, the life expectancy for this one has just diminished significantly.	Oh, like you didn't see this coming	A pathetic cover up by an ashamed stinkrat owner.