User:DavidFailkips

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

David Failkips is a huge faggot and failtroll who occasionally manages to produce lulz (citætion needed), although it is always unclear as to whether they are intentional or not. He mostly restricts his Emma and Juliary to shitty YouTube videos that take 9001 hours to render each frame in MS Paint before assembling in Windows Media Player, although he has dabbled in IRL trolling OF THE MOTHER FUCKING POLICE GOD DAMN.

A Wild Failkips Appears!

David Failkips can easily be identified or impersonated on the internets due to aspie-like obsessive-compulsive repetitions of the same themes. These often include:

Making fun of (usually British) 13 year olds who have hung/hanged themselves.
Alternately pretending to be Lindsay Lohan IRL or mentioning his ultimate sex fantasy: to do lines of cocaine off of various parts of Lindsay Lohan's anatomy, during or as a prelude to CONSENSUAL SEX IN THE MISSIONARY POSITION. Usually on 4chan's /tv/ board.
Claiming that he would be willing to slaughter varying numbers of newborns or orphans in exchange for sex with whichever slut the OP posted a picture of on /tv/
Schizophrenic shifting between LOL I TROL U and BAWWWW personalities, among others, in order to create a ninja-like smokescreen of confusion. (Or so he'd like to think)

A History Of Failure

PROTIP: David Failkips has never really accomplished much, IRL or as a troll. Here are some of his greatest accomplishments:

How Did Dalty Die?

David Failkips convinced mommy to let him have the internet in 1997. After two years of hoovering up porn like it was cocaine, he discovered a memorial page to some 15 year old kid who died while jerking off in 1999. Guestbook trollings happened, but because this was like a million Internet eras ago, no evidence has survived. So he probably sat next to someone and lol'd while they did the real trolling. What a fag.

LOL DEAD KID

In 2008, some British 13 year old hanged/hung himself. Failkips made a shitty LOLRANDUMXD video in response to some interesting grammar, which attracted a bizarre amount of attention/hæt, including a faggy newspaper article.

The video received rave reviews from British film critics, before being wtfb& by JewTube due to repeated flaggings. Some choice quotes:

“	Your A Tight Prick Fairplay, Deserve Your Teeth Smashed Down Your Throat And Head Bounced Off A Curb...	„
—Wastemanz200grimey, on YouTube

“	you actually disgust me. you deserve to die yourself. i don't even know sam but you've just pissed me off so much you are a pathetic, low life evil bastard and need to get a life, some morals and it's people like you who make this sort of things happen.	„
—carrrlamariepoynter on YouTube

“	All of you have no fucking respect Its scumbag pricks like you that drive people to doing things like this. Sam was my friend you fucking cunt. watch your back. ur guna get a knife in it . WASTE	„
—iwantameercat, on YouTube

“

If I find out who the fuck you are, your going to be the one committing suicide.

You obviously have no life at all; creating something like this. And to all these people that call him a coward for killing himself because he got bullied; You obviously haven't been bullied before. Your a FAG. You should catch aids and die the slowest way possible.

I hope you choke. And die. You sick twisted minded son of a wanker.

„

—sammyandyooh, another YouTuber.

“

Hi, i am and officer with the Fedreal Bureau of Investigation , just to inform you, we are currently receiving complaints and we are spliting the bypass of this IP Address.

FBI Comapny Policy

Mike Cannon

„

—boony1992 on YouTube. lolwut

Hopped up on adderall, absinthe, and with a severe case of wangst over some ugly ginger with big tits, David wrote an absurdly faggy tl;dr reply to the ~~blog~~ newspaper. It was full of unwarranted self importance, and immediately turned into an ED article to serve as a to-be-unheeded "note to self: don't be such a faggot".

At the same time, he attempted to turn the locals into a personal army and backraid the ~~blog~~ newspaper for the lulz, but nothing really happened, so he came out of it looking like an emo, aspie moralfag.

Fuck Tha Police, Comin' Straight From The Underground

DO IT FAGGOT

The next Failkips adventure involved a recurring theme: big tits. Some cow he knew IRL was projecting her ass-burgers on him, and he wasn't helping things by listening to Advice Dog and treating IRL like it was /b/. This led to her calling the cops at least three times on him because she was too stupid to realize she was being troll'd hard IRL. The last time, Failkips had been drunk enough to realize what a useless sack of shit she was, and had left a voice mail telling her to GTFO his life. So she did the logical thing and called the cops, accusing him of harassment/stalking/whatever.

This led to some hilarious conversations with the police. Unfortunately we do not have recordings, but if you heard them, you would be all "This man truly does not give a fuck." Basically, he told a detective who had said "you're going to be held responsible for your actions. I'm going to charge you with stalking and harassment, and I'm going to seek felony charges and possibly federal charges", or something to that effect. David Failkips' response was basically DO IT FAGGOT, before he ran like a scared little bitch to his own police department to have them bail him out of the mess on the taxpayers' dime. Way to go, dude.

LOLsuit

On 11/11/09, either a pretty decent troll or someone representing the company that publishes the "For Retards" series of books (not the actual title, but David Failkips is forbidden from saying the real title, ever, or else he will be sued SO FUCKING HARD contacted him over his mirror of that video where Oprah is reading the pedo how-to guide. Apparently the publishers are butthurt that he used the title of their book series in the title of his mirror, and made three demands:

1: Remove our trademark from the title of the video NAO!!!!!1111
2: Remove the video, even though it's Oprah's copyright, not ours, so we don't actually have the right to complain about any copyright infringement here.
3: GIVE US YOUR FUCKING DOX

Like the humongous pussy he is, Failkips did the first one, but LOL'd off the second two, which means that somewhere in California, lawyers are preparing to sue the shit out of him.

LOL.