User:Forevergrey/war of the furries
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
JOURNALIST: At Byfleet we came upon a livejournal community, but it was deserted.
ARTILLERYMAN: Is everybody dead?
JOURNALIST: Not everybody. Look! Six cannons with /b/tards standing by.
ARTILLERYMAN: Bows and arrows against the lightning. They haven't seen the Flame Ray yet.
JOURNALIST: We hurried along the road to Weybridge. Suddenly, there was a heavy explosion. The ground heaved, windows shattered and gusts of smoke erupted into the air.
ARTILLERYMAN: Look! There they are! What did I tell you?
JOURNALIST: Quickly, one after the other, four of the Furry Machines appeared. Monstrous tripods, higher than the tallest steeple, striding over the pine trees and smashing them. Walking fursuits of glittering metal. Each carried a huge funnel and I realized with horror that I'd seen this awful thing before.
A fifth Furry appeared on the far bank. It raised itself to full height, flourished the funnel high in the air - and the ghostly, terrible Flame Ray struck the livejournal.
JOURNALIST: As it struck, all five Furry Machines exulted, emitting deafening howls which roared like thunder.
FURRIES: Yiff! Yiff!
JOURNALIST: The six /b/tards we had seen now fired simultaneously, decapitating a Furry Machine. The Furry inside the Fursuit was slain, splashed to the four winds, and the costume, nothing now but an intricate device of metal, went whirling to destruction. As the other Furries advanced, people ran away blindly, the Artilleryman among them, but I jumped into the water and hid until forced up to breathe. Now the /b/tards spoke again, but this time the Furry Ray sent them to oblivion.
FURRIES: Yiff!
JOURNALIST: With a white flash, the Flame Ray swept across the river. Scalded, half- blinded and agonized, I staggered through leaping, hissing water towards the shore. I fell helplessly, in full sight of the Furries, expecting nothing but rape. The foot of a Furry Machine came down close to my head, then lifted again, as the four furries Yiffed away at the debris of their fallen comrade... and I realized that by a miracle , I had escaped.
FURRIES: Yiff! Yiff! Yiff!
JOURNALIST: As I hastened through LJ Drama, /b/, and the SA Forums,
more and more people joined the painful exodus. Sad, weary women, their children
stumbling and streaked with tears, their men bitter and angry, the rich rubbing shoulders
with beggars and outcasts. Dogs snarled and whined, the horses' bits were covered with
foam... and here and there were wounded /b/tards, as helpless as the rest.
We saw Fursuits wading up the Thames, cutting through bridges as though they were paper - GBS Bridge, Anonymous Bridge... One appeared above Big Lowtax.
FURRIES: YIFF!
JOURNALIST: Never before in the history of the world had such a mass of human beings moved and suffered together. This was no disciplined march - it was a stampede - without order and without a goal, six million people unarmed and unprovisioned, driving headlong. It was the beginning of the rout of civilization, of the massacre of mankind.
JOURNALIST: The server began to move slowly away - but on the landward horizon
appeared the silhouette of a Furry Machine. Another came, and another, striding over
hills and trees, plunging far out to sea and blocking the exit of the steamer. Between
them lay the silent, grey Ironclad 'FYAD RIDE'. Slowly it moved towards shore; then,
with a deafening roar and whoosh of spray, it swung about and drove at full speed
towards the waiting Furries.
PEOPLE: There were internets of shapes and sizes
Scattered out along the bay
And I thought I heard her calling
As the server pulled away
The Invadefurs must have seen them
As across the coast they filed
Standing firm between them
There lay FYAD RIDE
Moving swiftly through the waters
Cannons blazing as she came
Brought a mighty Furry War-Lord
Crashing down in sheets of flame
Sensing victory was nearing
Thinking fortune must have smiled
People started cheering
'Come on FYAD RIDE'
'Come on FYAD RIDE'
JOURNALIST: The Furries released their Fursecution Complex, but the ship sped on, cutting down one of the furry figures. Instantly, the others raised their Flame Rays and melted the FYAD RIDES's valiant heart.
PEOPLE: Lashing ropes and smashing timbers
Flashing Flame Rays pierced the deck
Dashing hopes for our deliverance
As we watched the sinking wreck
With the smoke of battle clearing
Over graves in waves defiled
Slowly disappearing
Farewell FYAD RIDE!
Slowly disappearing
Farewell FYAD RIDE!
Farewell FYAD RIDE!
Farewell FYAD RIDE!
JOURNALIST: When the smoke cleared, the little server had reached the misty horizon, and Something Awful was safe. But the FYAD RIDE had vanished forever, taking with her man's last hope of victory. The leaden sky was lit by green flashes, Fanart following Fanart, and no one and nothing was left now to fight them. The Earth belonged to the Furries.
FURRIES: Yiff!
