Darkfall
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| PAID BETA
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Darkfall is a MMORPG that has been in development since 2001, and unlike typical MMORPGs such as EverQuest and World of Warcraft, it is not level and item-based. The development team, Aventurine, has been promising beta signups over and over as time went on, but has always failed to deliver...until August 29. Supposedly, on November 10, Darkfall devs would let a lot of people into beta. Guess what? They lied!
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Vaporware No More?
Telling us that it will be out before Christmas, Aventurine finally made applications for beta available, causing an epic chorus of "NO WAY." across the Internet. Could it be? Could the game really be true? Why, yes it was, since the developers created a YouTube channel for hosting trailers of the game. Too bad the game's graphics are, well...
Also, they did this RIGHT before Warhammer's release! Lulz.
After the following videos were released, the developers claimed the game would release by Christmas 2008, and then changed it to January 22 because the game was nowhere near finished. Open beta was scheduled to begin January 25.
However, that didn't last, because on January 15, the release date was delayed again, and open beta would begin on January 22. Despite the fact that many were touting it as "open beta," one had to be invited to get in, making it another closed beta. Then, the entire site had the shit DDOSed out of it. Also, pre-orders are available mid-February. Something tells us that things are going to go horribly, horribly, wrong... But alas, all it not lost! For on July 7th, the American Servers will be launched. The lack of faith still stands, however.
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What Darkfall Boasts
Aventurine gloats that their game has a ton of innovative features, and thorough testing is being done to make sure the game is polished and ready before it was released. These boasts are typically waved around by the fans at people who make even small criticisms of the game. However, they are easily countered with facts.
For example, Aventurine claims Darkfall is a "Real-time MMORPG in a Fantasy setting with RPG, strategy, and action elements," which is basically every MMORPG ever made. They also claim that Darkfall has "Full physics, fun-oriented, fast paced real-time combat system where player skill also matters," but by watching the videos, the characters are pretty much poorly-animated slowpokes.
Darkfall also features the playable Mahirim race; a delight to furfags, and an additional delight to anyone who'd like to maim said furfags. This adds a whole new layer of hate to be incorporated against the constant struggle over the furred.
Along with the above hype, Aventurine has been known to delay their game for over six years and kept mentioning that beta was only a few months away. This alone caused the game to be a laughing stock, and many doubted that the game will be released before 2012. Even Blizzard and SOE are better with releasing things when they say so. Due to this, some argue this game is Duke Nukem Forever: The MMO.
Classes
Fuck you, faggot. Darkfall is too hardcore for classes. Did you think it was pussy shit made for babbies like WoW?
Races
- Alfar - The dark elves. They were spawned from pure hatred and are the evil cousins of the Mirdain (the high elves.) Of course this is completely original and everything. When around everyone else, they throw a fit.
- Dwarves - The mountain men who are always srs-looking. They are all fanboys/fangirls of Ymir, a dwarf who taught them all CSIII, and wrote a huge book on how to not fail, which the dwarves read every day. If only it existed IRL.
- Humans - The humans have to put up with the separation of church and state. They also hate the furfags and like every other game, are well-rounded.
- Mirdain - Pompous asshole high elves who'd rather use huge vocabulary and politics than fight. Even though they're peaceful, they are playable in a game that's about ripping the shit out of other people.
- Mahirim - The furfag wolf dudes who recently evolved from dogs. They run really fast and the only race that doesn't want them to all kill themselves are the orks. Too bad, because...
- Orks - ... the orks believe that the ork god will rise from the volcano and murder all non-orks someday. They also have enslaved the goblins and make them do all their work.
The Fans
While those above videos give us the gist of what the game's overall theme is, with blood and head-chopping and other shit like that, it does not show us actual gameplay. All we got is some medium-quality videos of the game jerking itself off. Adding to the fact that the damn game has been in development for more than half a decade, most people would have turned away from this game. Now for the fanboys, it's a totally different story.
Just a look at the YouTube comments give us an idea of Darkfall's fanbase.
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 Typical fanboys |
 The developers and some other guys. |
 Typical basement dwellers on the Darkfall forums |
 Trolled. |
Basically, the fans are so delusional that even one ounce of logic sends them into a fit of "GO BACK TO YOUR CAREBEAR WoW/EQ1 or EQ2/WAR!" Even if said critics aren't even MMO players, they're told to go back to some other MMO.
How to Troll Darkfall Fans
Darkfall fans are part of the easiest fandom to troll since Twilight. Even if none of this makes any sense to you, they are all effective in pissing the fanboys off.
- Tell them it looks like WoW. Granted, this will piss off every other MMORPG fan.
- Say that Warhammer: Age of Reckoning will be better.
- Mention how awesome EverQuest is and you hope that the game has tons of quests for players to do.
- Praise Age of Conan.
- Logic. Use it.
- Make comparisons to Duke Nukem Forever.
- Hitler accounts for all of the problems with Darkfall in a 5 video series.
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- This technique is a bit time-consuming, but rewarding in the end:
- Prima: Post this pic with this copypasta:
- Darkfall is the only MMORPG accessible to the handicapped.
- You can play as human with down syndrome, elf with Down's syndrome, ork with Down syndrome, EVIL elf with AUTISM, dwarf with Down syndrome, or furry scum.
- Secunda: How nice.
- Prima: Post this pic and reply:
- It's true, look for yourself.
- Then you can banter about the lack of a proper bridle in the first picture, etc.
- It's true, look for yourself.
After Release
So, the game was released. What happened? The servers both ingame and the ones used for the forum were brought down due to heavy traffic. Credit card numbers were being turned down, or people got charged over and over. Account management was also wrecked.
According to the faggots at MMORPG.com, the game is unpolished, plagued by macros and hacking, and the developers even make fun of their own fans. The animations are also terrible (apparently people chop down trees vertically) and the sound effects sound like they were done by middle schoolers.
Then, on April 9, Aventurine decided that, if they do not like your character's name, they will permaban you. No name changes like EQ2 does. Nope. So within two days of April 9, all "characters with names made in an effort to confuse GMs and other players, for example adding a string of lower cap L’s and upper case I’s (IlIlIIIl) in their names will start getting their host accounts permanently banned." Sorry, trolls. On one hand, it's their game, their rules, and if they don't want retarded names, then it's up to them. On the other, lol.
Tasos Flambouras vs. Eurogamer.net
In early May 2009, Eurogamer tried Darkfall and rated it a 2/10. This set Tasos Flambouras, the lead developer, into RAGE mode. He said that Ed Zitron, the reviewer, played the game for only two hours and just didn't "get it."
| —Tasos, on time; |
Obviously he isn't the first or last butthurt game developer when it comes to poor reviews, but as of now, nothing to the magnitude of Jeff Gerstmann happened so far. And Darkfall is by far the only game that you have to play a long time to "get" it...
The fans, however, backed Tasos up.
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See Also
- Duke Nukem Forever
- Fanboy
- Insane
- Unwarranted self-importance
- Unrealistic expectations
- Twilight
- MMORPG
- RAGE
External Links
- Official YouTube channel of Darkfall
- Official website.
- Darkfall thread on Something Awful
- Darkfall thread on EQ2Flames
- Darkfall on MMORPG.com
- Darkfall wins Most Anticipated Game of 2008.
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Darkfall is part of a series on Gaming |
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Darkfall is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
