User:R. E. Fox
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning! (LOL furries) |  | This contributor is a fat fucking fantasist filthy Furry Faggot Fuck™.
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Yes, I am an Encyclopedia Dramatica editor. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my EDiot soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who has written at least 100 articles!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the wiki and I am pretty slim and good looking.
But thanks anyway asshole. Go and read your stupid Wikipedia shit while I go EDIT some articles.
[edit] Furry Page
[edit] Customer Testimonials
<LucidFox> Rossyfox, with your intolerance, you're an embarassment for the entire furry fandom
- OH SHI- FOX WARS RETURN OF THE FAGGOTRY Leam 19:42, 5 January 2007 (UTC)
"I hope your cock sucking is on a higher skill level than your reading abilities you vile little troll." - alvero
[edit] ONE OF THE MANY THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (from Chundermaw)
Fucking furries. Fucking goddamned, worthless, piece of shit furries.
What, you morons back again? Fine, just stop poking me with that fucking stick and I'll tell you a story.
So, my little chickadees, by this point in your existances, you'd better be familiar with what furries are. If you're not, turn off your computer and cancel your internet subscription right now. Trust me, that sort of blissful ignorance is too good to ruin.
Anyway, when they let me out of this strait jacket for some of my 'rehab work', they have me working on the help desk of some college's residential LAN, or some stupid shit like that. I don't pay attention too much. I've been doing it off and on for a while now, so after the first few 'outbursts' and associated trips to the hospital, I've learned to put up with a pretty good amount of bullshit.
Today, though, this fucker took the cake. To start out, the warden keeps telling me that I can't go kicking anyone out of the office people bring their computers to--the same one I work in. So you might be able to imagine the horrible, agonizing pain that ripped through my skull when this greasy, creepy fucker with horrible acne to the point where his face was almost one gigantic zit with hair locks randomly teased either bleach blonde or goth black and shades he refused to take off wandered in and said "I am having SO much trouble with this antivirus GARBAGE you FORCED on my computer!!!"
For the record, what my employers 'force' the each of our 4000-odd clients to do to gain access to our network is to update their Windows installations with critical security updates, install Spybot Search & Destroy, uninstall any tertiary antivirus programs (Norton, McAfee, etc), and use Trend Micro OfficeScan, quite possibly one of the best antivirus programs currently in existance.
One look at the computer revealed to me that this guy had picked up some greyware that OfficeScan had deemed a security threat. The real-time scan was returning the offending .dll every time it tried to phone home, which was every couple of seconds. It was about this time that I started moving toward the Spybot S&D. He spent the time it took to set the laptop down and plug in the USB mouse telling me how he didn't want to reformat because he "didn't want to lose his Yahoo messenger and his Internet favorites." I was instantly suspicious that he was talking about something else, and that was shortly confirmed.
It was after I minimized the realtime scan that I was treated to an abomination. Feel glad that I don't fucking have the damn thing on hand, you pussywillow whores, so you can deal with only the description. Up pops this revolting-looking fox-human furry with painfully large breasts, licking a candy cane stuck up through her cleavage and covered only by Christmas present ribbons. Then, the caption. Oh god, the caption: "Merry XXX-mas. May you unwrap a present that unwraps you."
- I point my finger and laugh at your miserably small e-penis. YOU ALSO GOT THE QUOTE WRONG. Nevertheless you got most of it right, and bothered to memorize the quote, making you a closet furry like at least 100 ED users --KJK::Hyperion 19:58, 4 January 2007 (UTC)
- It's less about actual offense, I think, and more about keeping things where they belong. I'd rather not look at vixen furries whoring themselves out either, but if someone else wants to do that then fine. Setting it as your desktop though is just needlessly inflicting it on people who don't want to see it. I mean, seriously, why does anyone need a desktop like that? -- R. E. Fox 00:42, 7 January 2007 (UTC)
Unfortunately for me, nothing was explicitly pornographic about it--all the various sensitive parts were covered, so I had to swallow the bile and vomit trying to force its way up my throat and continue on like I hadn't noticed it. I noticed that he'd failed to immunize his system with Spybot--a 15 second process we explicitly asked him to do, as it vaccinates a system against roughly twelve thousand bad products. However, we've no way of specifically checking. This further reinforced my theory that this guy was a complete and total idiot.
After explaining that he had spyware and starting the Spybot S&D scan, I tried to hustle him out of the office, saying that Spybot would take care of the rest. He staunchly refused to leave, however, so I was forced to sit and watch this automated scan tick away while this THING tried to speak to me.
Things got off on the wrong foot immediately when he pointed out his wallpaper, again threatening to send my stomach acid surging up in a bid for freedom. He proceeded to say, in this god-awful, nasally voice: "It's good I didn't put the other one up here, which is this same vixen"--this moment here stretched on into eternity for me.
I hate furries. I loathe furries. Their bastardization of the human form is offensive, their fetishes are fucking revolting, and their pretentiousness and culture of victimhood is insufferable. If you get offended by that, boat you. Find something less sexually deviant and less morally deplorable to do. If you're saying "BUT IM NOT A DEVIANT," you're either delusional or you're not an actual furry. Find something else to call yourself or just kill yourself.
Up until this point, I had been desperately trying to rationalize that this person wasn't really a full-fledged furry, and that he was instead just someone who had an interest in the artwork, or something like that. However, when that word 'vixen' rolled off his tongue, I couldn't deny it anymore. My nostrils flared, my eyes sharpened, and I got a tic in my temple that beat menacingly. The scent of FURRY was in the air, and I was denied of my opportunity to go hunting. I cannot express how much my fingers tingled, aching to wrap around his scrawny throat and tighten until I no longer felt a pulse.
But, like I mentioned, the warden did a good job of getting me to go to my happy place. I desperately tried to zone out as this assfucker kept talking. "this same vixen with a glass of milk between her breasts and some cookies in her lap, with the caption, 'does santa want some nook--cookies?'"
The snort I uttered was so spiteful that it could've easily manifested itself as flame, but the oblivious jackass missed that, and my other outward signs of loathing. I then decided to retaliate by pointing out to him that his windows installation was on its last legs, which it was. His careless, idiotic management of his computer had manifested itself in the form of multiple basic driver ideosynchrocies--just one of which was the mouse nub on the laptop completely malfunctioning, even though it was not quantitatively damaged. I told him he will need a Windows XP install disk, and he made a crestfallen noise like I'd just shit all over his dreams, and asked me how much it would cost him. I told him the truth; if he could use a student discount, it would set him back 75 USD. He immediately stood and started storming around my office, whining, "That's 75 dollars I don't have! I'm so tired of life spitting on me at every turn!!!"
Remember the whole society of victimhood note I made about furries? Yeah, good example right here. No, it's not because you grossly mismanaged your computer, it's because life's spitting on you. Great job, dumbass. It was about this time I saw him freaking out and thought, "become an hero." For those of you that don't haunt 4chan, that is a none-too-kind request for him to commit suicide. At this point, my homicidal urges were fairly well under control, what with the entertaining show going on in front of me.
I proceeded to 'helpfully' suggest that he get a job if he was so hard-up on money. He claimed that he had been applying to places since last spring, and was still unemployed. Considering that the job I'm at, I had applied, interviewed, and been hired within 24 hours, I was understandably skeptical about his work ethic here. Sure, the warden had to threaten a few dozen people to get me hired. Who the boat cares? I knew of a half-dozen places within walking distance that needed people badly, and I rattled them off to him. Unsurprisingly, he opted not to take notes or ask me any details about these places.
He then moved on to bitching about how his laptop sucked anyway, and told me some specs. He told me how it made it hard for him to play Morrowind, which I mentioned I'd played. I hoped to engage him in a conversation about the game itself, and get even further away from his furry bullshit.
Oh god, how wrong I was.
I realized I'd made a mistake when he admitted that Morrowind was 'too hard' for him. He described in detail how he'd cheated liberally to raise his statistics and skills to unheard-of levels. Whereas the maximum natural rating for any one statistic in Morrowind is 100, this faggot was reporting natural statistics of 10,000. He claimed to have been murdered by rats outside the first city of Seyda Neen. This is by far the shittiest of all shittiness I have heard in my life. After my desperate attempts to keep the conversation on the glitches and bugs of Morrowind failed completely, he started talking at length about his "Female Khajit warrior". Those who haven't played morrowind can read this as "female furry".
At about this time, the scan finally finished. Thanking every diety that existed, I went to remove the 5 different spyware programs (including the ever-infamous CoolWWWSearch), with a total of roughly 25 problems. Then I see that ONE of said problems was in memory at the time and has failed to get removed, mandating another scan at startup. My soul threatened to slip out of my pained and cold body at this point.
After another attempt and failure to hustle him out of my office, he started talking about his pathetic little dreams. The first one was creating a 'counter-virus', as he named it. He claimed that he was going to write a program that would launch a viral counterattack on any site that attempted to transmit a virus to your computer. I took great pleasure in informing him that this was a federal offense. He made that delightful crestfallen noise once again and wildly accused the American government of 'protecting hackers'.
I'll let you all stew on this shit for a little while, boys and girls. Your time is up, so I'm calling the guard to get you out of my fucking cell. Rest assured, though, I'll give the lot of you more nightmares the next time you come in here.
Love Chundermaw
- Nobody should have a sexually suggestive desktop of any kind if anyone else is going to see their computer. It's just common decency. I wish I could apologise on behalf of furry for the lack of tact you were exposed to, sir. Unfortunately I am not furry's spokesman. R. E. Fox 05:46, 9 December 2006 (UTC)
- HOMPH HOMPH DICKS. --ThunderClaw 05:49, 9 December 2006 (UTC)
