User:Replicant10000/Wawa

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Convenience store in the Northeast US with almost 600 locations. Contrary to popular belief among drag queens, it was not named for Barbara Walters. Nor was it named, as Wawa's corporate offices will claim, by Indians ecstatic for our helping them to complete the "God Weapon Shattered Skull" vision quest. It was, however, named for the sound a deaf man makes when orgasming in incest porn.

Wawa's selling point, second only to the chance for storegoers to engage in beastiality with Wally the goose, is its coffee: available in five different varieties and so good you will invariably bend over to suck Helen Thomas' wrinkled/cheese soaked dick for a 12 ounce cup. You can ask for these in English which means, to the delight of bad mouthed squirrels everywhere, you don't have to look like a knob gobbling hippie visiting his local Starbucks.

Billy Mays, before his untimely passing, was even rumored to have referred to Wawa Dark Roast as "the sepia jizz of a black archangel; unfit for mouths that have not heard the word of he who is risen at 5:30 AM to traverse the Via Asfalto." No morning pot of Wawa coffee lasts longer than 30 minutes, which would make your local store a hotbed of AIDS in the nigh unwashed hands - and cock - of a disgruntled employee.

You won't find better coffee unless it's shit straight out of a civet!

SWEET BABY JESUS IN HEAVEN, ITS A WAWA PUMPKIN DONUT!

It is full of win and awesomeness and also sells a lot of food, from donuts and sandwiches to cold cuts. And the best part is, its all priced so cheaply that a spic on food stamps can afford it - four to five dollars, otherwise known as the price at which Lindsay Lohan will flash a curtain of her own cold cuts for waiting cameras.

If you hate Wawa, you're a dirty raghead who masturbates his wife with an open boxcutter.