User:TTR-sucks
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Sonic the Hedgehog is the flamboyant mascot of Sega Corporation inspired by Mickey Mouse. He is also a noted pioneer of the furry subculture, and the preferred fap material for DeviantART fags.
[edit] Gameplay
The object of the "Sonic the Hedgehog" video game is to hold the D-PAD right for 15 minutes straight. Subsequent games in the series would add various novelties, such as jumping. This involves venturing through eight surreal worlds with eerie dream-like levels inhabited by testicle-robots.
In 1998, the series exploded into 3D, daring players to "change the orientation," 3D Sonic rendered holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary upward D-PAD holding.
As Sonic's star faded, an alter-ego, Shadow, was introduced... along with a gun and a motorcycle. Here, a particularly deft brand of skill is required, as the player must reconcile the concepts of holding up on the D-pad, jumping, shooting, and cutting yourself AT THE SAME TIME.
And after not too many years later, after fans got bored of fapping to Shadow, they came out with OMG SILVER!!!! He is capable of flying and orgasming at the same fucking time!!
[edit] History
Hailing from a rare species of blue bipedal hedgehog, Sonic was mocked and ostracized as a youth. Like many exceptional people, however, he exploited his abundant free time, developing a unique running ability as well as his trademark 'tude.
In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head to head against Super Mario. Unfortunately, both were supplanted by Tomb Raider Lara Croft after she unleashed her secret weapon.
Then, after the failures of the Sega Master System, the Sega Game Gear, the Sega CD, the Sega CDX, the Sega 32X, the Sega Pico, the Sega Nomad, the Sega Saturn, the Sega Neptune, the Sega Dreamcast, and multiple other Sega ventures, Sonic was left without a home console. Humbled and defeated, he drifted onto skid row, eager to work the bulge of whatever lame ass console that came his way in order to earn some money for more chili dogs to eat. But then Sonic Team got their shit together and put out a game for the Wii that was actually almost not shit, possibly saving Sonic's dwindling fandom from becoming a cesspool of furry and retard... Oh, wait.
Nowadays, Sega produces Sonic games for the type of customers who enjoy cool games with few glitches, simple controls and awesome camera angles. As of 2007, Sonic is officially a Nintendo character, since he will both be in a Mario Sports game involving the Special Olympics and Super Mario World 6.
FUNFACT: He was anal-raped by Davey Havok of AFI.
[edit] The Games
[edit] Sonic The Hedgehog
The game that started it all. Sonic must obtain the Chaos Emeralds from Dr. Eggman in order to cyber them with his animal friends. If you don't collect the Chaos Emeralds however, you get a screen of Dr. Eggman molesting Macaulay Culkin.
[edit] Sonic The Hedgehog 2
The game that introduced Sonic's bitch buddy Tails who was always trying to annoy the fuck out of you. The Death Egg was also introduced in this game which caused some controversy between Sega and George Lucas. It was also the first game where Sonic could use the Chaos Emeralds to increase his power level to over 9000. The transformation to Super Sayajin includes golden, spikier hair; invincibility and increased speed.
[edit] Sonic CD
Sonic travels through time somehow to hunt down Dr. Eggman in order to molest Amy Rose, who wears a green tutu and a yellow shirt. This game was revolutionary in that it introduced the first female character, allowing Sonic fans to pretend they weren't faggots.
[edit] Sonic The Hedgehog 3
The third game in the series which introduces Knuckles who could even put Chuck Norris to shame in the number of dicks he blows. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson wrote some of the music for the game.
[edit] Sonic & Knuckles
A Continuation of Sonic 3, also allows you to lock on Sonic 2&3, if you lock on Sonic 1, you get a computer error. Considered by many Sonic fantards to be the last good Sonic game. They forget, though, that Sonic was NEVER good.
[edit] Knuckles Chaotix
Unfortunately, nobody remembers this game because no one ever owned a Sega 32X. It is rumored to have featured a lazy wigger crocodile and several other cliche furries.
[edit] Sonic R
Sonic Racing game where everyone but Amy and Robotnik run around a grand total of 5 different tracks while the most boring singer in the world sings songs where every pair of lines rhyme. You can unlock other characters but they're just a robot version of one of the starters. About as interesting as it sounds, and if this sounds exciting, you're probably on medication for ADD
[edit] Sonic Adventure
Sega's answer to Nintendo's Mario 64. In the first level, a giant killer whale chases after Sonic for trying to molest one of its babies. The game also had introduced the lovable Chao.
[edit] Sonic Adventure 2
You can play as two hedgehogs in this game; Sonic or Shadow. You also get to play as Knuckles, Rouge, Tails and Dr. Eggman, but no one likes their levels. There's also a rumor that Dr. Eggman payed a homage to 9/11. This is the first game most Sonic fantards have played.
[edit] Sonic Heroes
Sonic and his friends gain superpowers, nuff said. Has some of the lulziest dialogue in any Sonic game.
[edit] Sonic Rush
The game that introduced Blaze The Cat, a whore from the future. Considered by many fantards to be a major break from the shitty 3D Sonic games.
[edit] Shadow The Hedgehog
Shadow goes on a wild goose chase to gun down millions of innocent civilians in order to find out about his past. In one mission, Shadow is ordered to destroy the Internet. Lulz.
[edit] Sonic Riders
Because Sonic R just wasn't extreme enough, Sonic and Co. are given some hoverboards that rip off the ones from Back to the Future and compete in EXTREME races with three birds, created when Sega got their hands on the "make your own Sonic Character" flash, who all have EXTREME names like Jet.
[edit] Sonic The Hedgehog 2006
Sonic must save a princess from Dr. Eggman, sound familiar? The game also introduced glitchy camera angles and controls which pissed off many fanboys and fangirls. The object in many levels was to hold the D-PAD on the controller down for 15 minutes to watch Sonic speed through the levels and crash into all sorts of shit. Also there were at least 1000 loading screens in the game.
[edit] Sonic & The Secret Rings
Sonic gets trapped in an Arabian Nights book and must collect some rings. It sucked as well. A lulzy quote by Sonic in the beginning: "...so who's this Genie who wants to destroy reality again?" Often following this dialog is the owner either:
- A) Shitting all over the game and it's box, then returning it to GameStop for a full refund;
- B) Enjoying the game, acknowledging themselves to be an 13-year-old furfag.
[edit] Sonic Rush Adventure
A sequel to Sonic Rush. Sonic gets stuck on an island after his plane crashes because he was busy fucking Tails to actually fucking navigate the damn thing. It introduced Marine, a lesbian raccoon with annoying aussie dialogue, who basically orders Sonic to do everything for her including daily cock stroking. The main differences about this game and Sonic Rush is that you can actually move around one small room and talk to all the koala pedophiles in it until it's time to rape Marine.
[edit] Sonic RPG
Little is known about this game so far, but I'm sure it will be utter crap, even though BioWare, who can shit out Games of the Year faster than CP gets deleted on /b/, is developing it.
[edit] The TV Shows
[edit] Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
Some argue that this is the best Sonic show, but they're all retrofags. Basically Sonic and Tails run around (when they're not having buttsecks) while Eggman (called Robotnik) and his two moronic sex slaves Scratch and Grounder (Tom Servo and Crow only retarded) try to catch Sonic. It is notable because at the end of every episode, Sonic gets preachy, especially about pedophilia and booze. These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. It is also notable that Steve Urkel does Sonic's voice, and the owner of Robotnik's voice is some old British musician who has a pirate name.
[edit] SATAM
This show is darker and more sinister than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. In this show, Sonic, Tails and a bunch of other furries are hiding in a forest from Robotnik, who is now a HUEG fatass, his midget Jew nephew Snively, and his army of robots. Anonymous would have taken at least 100 episodes less to defeat them. The vile Archie Comics spawned from this show.
[edit] Sonic Underground
This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two minor edits, Sonia and Manic, looking for their mother in between incestuous threesomes. Other than that, it's the same as SATAM, except even more fail. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, and has the faggiest voice this side of 4Kids, which were all preformed by Urkel!
[edit] Sonic X
This show is the one at least 100 percent of Sonic weeaboos watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named Chris Thorndyke, whom everyone hates, and is over 9000 times moar emo than the rest. Thanks to 4Kids, it was utter crap and it didn't help that they picked shitty voice actors. Thus, this one fails the hardest. Like the others, it is over.
[edit] Character Evolution
At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of crabs and other tentacle monsters, which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-PAD as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik, grandson (or clone?) of William H. Taft. Even until this day, each of the eight times Eggman appears per game (as he is the only person stupid enough to try to fight someone who has killed him at least 100 times), an epic battle is waged, consisting of pushing the A button (or 1 button for all you Hip Cats on Sega Genesis) an astounding six times! By the end of just the first game, your already weary right hand will be screaming to stop! But that's just the first game! And you thought the excitement was over?
Scrambling for a new gimmick, Sega decided to bring a new character into the mix. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! And with all the creative prowess of a group of eight year old boys playing Power Rangers, Sega decided to make him have all of Sonic's powers, but BETTAR! Not being able to settle for just a retarded Cat/Fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" (How creative) Sega, being the creative geniuses they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old voice. Not only would this appeal the the furry community, but also to pedophiles.
Not content with a spandex wearing fatass, a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further! With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue faggot what's up. Sega decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their furry fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the white gloves that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" (Isn't Sega's originality just amazing? You never would have guessed that they pulled this name out of their ass). These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token nigger of the series.
[edit] Other characters
Through a unique arrangement, Sonic spends most of his time locked in vague hostilities with his mortal enemy, William H. Taft, Part time scientist, full time fatass.
Sonic features a variety of characters, all equally targeted by furry faggots:
- Tails - Sonic's bitch butt buddy. Nuff said. Has two tails shooting out of his ass. Tails is a faggot, but Sonic doesn't mind. A little known fact is that tails is not really a fox this is a common misconception. In reality tails is a turkey. Sonic enjoys splurging up tails fat turkey ass. well other people seem to tihnk Tails has one tail and has an abnormally large penis stuck up his ass.
- Knuckles - Sonic's gangsta-ghetto playa. A running gag is the racism that Sonic has against Knuckles. A little known fact is that Knuckles was in charge of the Habbo raids. Knuckles spends his time guarding a huge emerald that he likes to cyber with when nobody is around. It is currently unknown as to what the hell knuckles is supposed to be. Some have theorized that he is some species of mutated chicken this has been proven to be false since it can be heard from his voice that he is a nigger. On a side note knuckles entire race was destroyed from eating too much chicken, they all got fat and died from diabeetus.
- Amy - Stupid bitch who badly wants Sonic to get in her panties. She is more humble and sweet than a Mary Sue. Many fantards also engage in shipping wars, each claiming that either Sonic/Amy, or Shadow/Amy, or Tails/Amy, or whatever pointless coupling is the most kawaii. She is also the subject of much Sonic-related Rule 34.
- Cosmo - A character from the show "Fairly Oddparents" who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of Sonic X. He and Tails have a relationship until he kills him to save the universe, but he is brought back to life as a tree, making Tails into a literal tree-hugging hippy before he gets bored and goes back to having sex with Sonic. The first sentence is mostly bullshit but it will be enough to send any Cosmo fan into nerd rage.
- Cream - Everyone loves Cream (Except for these and furry-fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. WTF???) Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her Cream was a very, very bad idea and to put her in Sonic 2 instead of Tails.
- Shadow - A hedgehog that you want to be and who has a, "dark past lol". Frequently targeted by cooler-than-you-fan-characters, who are great artists. For some reason Shadow can never stop thinking of white women he frequently has flashbacks of some white bitch who fingered his pussy while rubbing her dick. His signature ability is Chaos Control, which is basically Za Warudo, only far less awesome.
- Rouge - A prostitute bat with tits that would make your mom cry. Sega claims she's 16, but her voice makes her seem like a 50-year-old whore. Fangirls war over whether she belongs with Knuckles or with Shadow. But who cares? She's probably slept with every character anyway.
- Silver - Whiny drama whore from the future. Wants to kill Sonic for posting him on ED. Powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggoty as Tails' voice. An interesting fact is that Silver is really the aborted fetus of sonic and shadow who are secretly having daily sex romps in SEGA's closet.and, others seem to know that Silver fucks 5 men at a time with those dicks growing out of his head.
- Chao - They have stopped appearing in games because Sonic kept shoving them up his anus. Their disappearance has led to a number of furfag suicides, who curled up with their last copy of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle after they learned these little confectionery balls of gold|shit were nevar to return.
- Blaze - Probably the only character in the series who isn't a retard. On the other hand, she is a princess from the future that uses pyrokinesis.
- Marine - Loli newcomer that already has atleast 100 hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She is killed in the end because she bit Sonic and gave him rabies. It's for the best, since she talks in such a thick Australian accent that even Steve Irwin would tell her to shut the fuck up. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "Strewth" anymore?
- Mephiles the Dark - A recolor of Shadow that spent too much time stuck in the freezer. Spends his afternoons wanting to have buttsecks with Shadow, but he has to settle for Silver's five dicks most of the time.
- Chaos - An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of Livejournal and a power level of over 9000, assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's Sonic tentacle porn, this thing is involved.
- Tikal - An echidna who became an hero in order to keep Chaos from ruining shit. She is current getting tentacle raped in the ass by Chaos, while furfags everywhere fap to it, although some demand that Knuckles be the one to rape Tikal. Too bad she's dead, dumbfucks.
- Eggman Nega - An Eggman recolor from another dimension, who h8s Blaze and wants to get all the Sol Emeralds. Like Blaze, he's actually not all that retarded.
- Nazo - A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the Sonic X pilot. 13 year old Sonic fans and HedgeJew went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of the fandom than Sega or 4Kids. He is frequently portrayed as a guy who blows up shit for the lulz, like villains from another show we know.
- Dark Oak - Main villain of Sonic X and shameless ripoff of Freiza from that other show. After destroying all the women on his home planet to make it a gay utopia, he comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show. In the end everyone created specifically for said plot dies in a massive sex orgy consisting of himself, three similar-looking fags, and Cosmo when Sonic and Shadow go into their
Super Sayiansuper forms and jam it in. Shadow also died so that's one good thing going for Sonic X, but knowing them they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season so they can do a plot based off of Shadow the Hedgehog.
- Everyone Only In Sonic Riders - None of them should ever be dignified with their own individual section here. All of them are blatant ripoffs of the kids from Rocket Power, and THEY TOTALLY GOT BEEFED UP THE GRIND, DUDE, which is extreme slang for being raped and killed by Sonic.
[edit] Scrapped Characters
SEGA has a history of using their characters a few times, and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. Retrofags hate them for this, and with good reason. The older characters almost didn't suck compared the current shitty set of recolors. Among these trashed characters include a Jew weasel with guns, an armadillo, and robot versions of Knuckles and Tails, among others. Fantards constantly call for their return. Reasonable people want these people to STFU and/or become an hero.
[edit] Super Forms
After gathering all seven dragonballs Chaos Emeralds, Sonic, Shadow and Silver can transform into their super saiyan super forms in which they become shitty recolors of themselves and gain the ability to do all the stuff they did before but this time with a power level of over 9000.
[edit] See Also
,,,
[edit] Evolution
Over time, the series has evolved. First starting out as nothing more than a light-hearted tale about a blue too-hip-for-this-room sack of shit party animal fighting some bald asshole for turning animals into robots, it has since become incredibly lame angst-ridden stories of tragic heroes as they take part in the ultimate battle between good and evil.
These new developments are mostly the fault of that cunt Shadow, and that Silver the Hedgehog (how fucking original). Now Dr. Roosevelt is disturbingly realistic looking and Sonic is hanging out with some emo bitch Princess Elise and cunting around with some bullshit called the "iblus trigger" (or some shit) and the "Flames of Disaster".
Most of this is going to take place in the upcoming piece of shit Sonic the Hedgehog game for the pieces of shit systems Xbox 360 and PS3. Wee doesn't get this game, and instead is going to get some other Sonic game which probably sucks the shit out of midget's asses called "Sonic and the Secret Rings".
[edit] Anti-Pedophilia
Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against sexual predators. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible.
This is also ironic since Sonic and Michael Jackson are actually BFF [1].
[edit] The Fanbase
The Sonic fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry,which is split into 2 distinctive parts. Furry smut from the "old" part of the fandom usually consists of Princess Sally from "SatAM" being fucked. Those that are in this part of the fandom that don't jack off to Sonic porn are bitter retrofags who refuse to play anything after Sonic 1 because "the original is best" (For instance, all of Sonic CulT).
The second part of the fandom is the 13-15 year-olds who played Sonic Adventure 2 and watched Sonic X and probably don't know what a Sega Genesis is. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which, having taken their cues directly from Sega's character creation process, are quite arguably the least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. Most are recolored Sonic clones wearing trenchcoats and those stupid huge goth boots that have swords and can go Super at any time, and are evil.. This part also produces the worst of the Sonic porn, due to it being drawn by people who don't know what a vagina actually looks like, or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in some bushes. The fandom is also filled with drama, the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "new" and "old" Sonic fans bitching about the latest Sonic game. Their favorite band, 99.9999999% of the time, is Crush 40, and they sing along to the songs in their rooms while fapping to Sonic's ass.
Some Sonic fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by science, to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the IRL world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or power levels of over 9000. They then procede to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, then proceed to sexually abuse it, like the furries they are.
[edit] External link
- His site
- His message-board
- The Official Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon show.
- Sonic Passion: A case study on idiots. Batshit insane fans within.
- [2] Sonic saves you from sexual deviant strangers.
- [3] He also protects you from sexual harassment. It's NO GOOD!
- Sonic hentai comics For the lulz, hopefully, and not sick fucks.
- Sonic: Search for Love Fanfic written by some 13-year-old boy narrated for the lulz.
- Sonic: Search for Love (Chapter 1-2) The sequel. Surprise! Tails is gay!
[edit] Related articles
- Furry
- 13-year-old boy
- DeviantArt
- Youtube Poop
- Sonic (EFnet)
- ALIX HENRIOL
[edit] Gallery
 Fat Sonic is faaat |
 EVEN FATTER! |
 Now he's skinny |
 Sonic and amy doing what they do best. |
 am i doin it rite? |
 Sonic's new look in current games! |
 Most people who look up sonic on google images want to see this |
 This is also high ranked on searches for "sonic" |
 Delicious Cock, I MUST EAT IT |
 Amy Rose,the sexual predator stalks Tails home so she can molest him. |
 PROOF |
 PROOF |
 Possibly the gayest ending ever to this gay assed comic |
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 OH DEAR GOD NO... |
 The plot of every SatAm episode starts off like this,it is later edited out and has the entire script replaced with creative writing from a second graders class. |
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 Typical sonic game for the gba. |
 Oh, thy angst! |
 Standard furfaggot reaction to a Sonic character. |
 The Japanese cartoonists who made this admired goatse. |
 His name is ROBOTNIK? |
 Typical Sonic fanboys. |
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 4Kids verison of Sonic. |
 Are all furries gay for Amy? |
 It's exploitable. |
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TTR-sucks is part of a series on Gaming. |
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