From Encyclopedia Dramatica

King of the (emo) j00s

IF Einstein said so, it MUST be twue...

T'anus, or as he prefers to be known, Tanos, (or, as others prefer to know him, big-nosed, short-arsed zionist fur-fag) is the owner of the UK's leading BDSM website, Informed Consent. Internet home to 99.7% of all the UK's furries, rapists and paedophiles, IC is the essence of faggotry and fail boiled down into one tedious cumsplash of a site, where men in their late forties can happily seek out young children to pwn with "aslplz?" messages. All this is considered fine on IC. What is not fine, however, is claiming that the Jews are anything other than God's chosen people, or that Israel is not entirely correct in their pwning of the Muslims. This is because Tanos is a hooknose. He is widely considered to have been the true mastermind between 9/11, paying for it with his jew gold, and about the only think he hasn't claimed to have invented is Zyklon B.

Opinion is divided as to whether T'anus is "the head of a master/slave household and the owner of ssili and pLopi" (as claimed by himself), or "an emu j00 nerd with forum software and Zionistic zeal" (as claimed by everyone who's ever 'met' him).

Early Life

T'anus hatched from his j00-egg sometime during 1972. At his bris he was given his full name – Joshua ben Shmendrick Goldbergfinklestein. Tragically, during this procedure a simple slip of the knife was to have dire consequences, cutting off all but three centimetres of his penis. Even more tragically it has not grown since. Then to add further insult to injury, they threw the wrong bit away.

Most of his early school days were spent wearing thick glasses and short trousers, establishing him as an early target for teh lulz and pwnage. It was at his Bar Mitzva that he chose 'T'anus' as his name of manhood (T'anus being Hebrew for "short arse with ginger pubes").

By some bizarre quirk of fate (irony?!), T'anus discovered that he loved teh slavery. Pity he wasn't born in Egypt over 9000 years ago then, amirite? Instead of sowing his oats like a normal man, he fap-fap-faps over buks (tl;dr) until 1997 when he starts Informed Cunts-said. T'anus is at this time also running the local All-You-Can-Eat Munchy - this he continues up until one evening in 2000 when someone calls him a newfag, and he runs home to cry into his tallit.

Example of something that T'anus would not find funny and would ban-doze you for

Ic-rael

Until 1997 there was no BDSM and no internets. Like his Zionist ancestors, T'anus realised that the only way to avoid get repeatedly butt-hurt is to make your own roolz, so after a little more fap-fap-fapping over nerd buks (tl;dr), he invents BDSM and creates his very own playground - the Free State of IC-rael - where he can play to his heart's content. Like its IRL counterpart, IC-rael makes heavy use of the ban-dozer to crush anyone who isn't Doing It Right. Or who makes nazi/foreskin/Hitler jokes, no matter how lulzy they are. You can still kvetch about everything from the weather to the shape of your navel, though. Just don't mention Teh Germanz. Evar.

21st Century Boy

SSili posing for the dustjacket of T'anus' upcoming buk, "Zionism - A d/S Relationship"

In 2000 T'anus' parents – Rabbi Mazel Tov and Brood-mother Ruth XVII – shuffled off to that great big oven in the sky (alev ha-sholem!). This allowed him to move from the basement into the rest of the Late-Victorian leaky industrial shite-pile. Missing the ear-bending from his mother, T'anus quickly moved in Sily, a crazy old bitch with a passion for both weapons and, of course, bending his ear. It was at this time he also started TSR also known as "The Slave Register" - a website dedicated to the registration of your slave(s), providing you with a certificate of ownership which gives each slave a unique 9-digit code, which many choose to have tattoo'd on themselves, usually in bar-code form. 95,000 fuckwitted Americans signed up with-in the first week of TSR's existence. Surprisingly, it's not caught on quite so dramatically in the UK, mostly due to the fact that Britfags are less likely to have spent their formative years playing solo games of Dungeons and Dragons and fap-fap-fapping over that scene from Return of the Jedi where Princess Leia is chained to the giant slug, Jabba the Hut, and so are not as obsessed with owning slave girls and getting fat enough to have their own airstrip.

By 2006, having failed terrible to dominate and subjugate SSili and being forced to perform humiliating sex acts for her with his three centimetre cock and a dildo the size of a bodybuilder's forearm, T'anus begged her for permission to recruit another slave for her harem. After much bootlicking and forced bi buttsecks from big Muslim men, she agreed to his request though her tearful laughter. His plan was to be the senior slave, due to his having served for longer. However this proved a pipedream when the new slave, pLopi, arrived on the scene and, at the request of SSili, fisted Tanos like the least popular guest at a Michael Barrymore pool party. Whilst he has claimed to have been humilated by this experience, others have suggested that he faps like a motherfucker to this memory at least once per day.

YKIK

By early 2008 the returning Lost Tribes of Ic-rael had begun to realise that BDSM was riddled with Ass-hats. Much lulz ensued, mostly at the expense of retards who went fap-fap-fap over some shitty sci-fi buk and now think that they are some cross between Peter Stringfellow and a Klingon. To combat his butt-chums being pwned in epic fashion, SAdmin (T'anus' alter-ego, with the uber-ironic "it's only a website" tag) brought in YKIK. YKIK (Your Kink Is Kosher) means that everyone must respect whatever seedy little wank-fantasy gets you off – unless it happens to involves Nazis, j00s, or any other pervisty that hasn't been approved by the Twue BDSM IC-rael Splinter Faction.

You're Doing It Wrong!

"No NO NO! You are all doing it WRONG!" - a typical T'anus sulk

Much as T'anus likes to trade upon being both a Poor Persecuted Yid and #1 supporter of the Chutney Ferrets, he is frequently in violation of several of the 613 Holy Laws of The Sacred Foreskin (no, srsly!), e.g.:

• 20 – not to take revenge
• 21 – not to hold a grudge
• 70 – men must not wear women's clothing
• 71 – women must not wear men's clothing
• 123 – not to have sexual relations with women not thus married (Epic Fail!)
• 157 – not to have homosexual relations
• 185 – not to eat non-kosher maggots
• 290 – to blow the shofar ( not Pink Oboe) on the tenth of Tishrei to free the slaves (irony much?!)
• 516 – not to wrong a slave who has come to Israel (irl) for refuge
• 610 – not to retreat or panic during battle (Ban-dozerrrrrr!)
• 612 – not to sell her into slavery
• 613 – not to retain her for servitude after having sexual relations with her

Special Tree in teh forest of fail

The Future

Taking his cue from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion (tl;dr), T'anus has embarked upon the following masterplan:

• Buy Forest
• ?????
• PROFIT

T'anus the Intellectual

T'anus is an ersatz intellectual, and will quote any old shite from The Bible to Battlestar Galactica (or something) for any old reason, as long as it mentions slavery in some form. It has been rumoured that he sees the famous pwn-meister Socrates as an role-model. T'anus mimicked Socrates' cunning move into further education as a way to corrupt the young, only Socrates lectured on virtue at the Athenian Acropolis, not Physics at the Spunkbridge Metropolitan University (formally Spunkbridge Technical and Hairdressing College). Socrates also had the good grace to become An Hero.

T'anus famously pinched his model of rhetoric from a rare copy of Plato's Euthyphro, known as 'The Banned Euthyphro' due to a typographical error in paragraph 11c:

Famously Banned

• The Marquis de Sade – T'anus had a large hissy-fit when de Sade dared to suggest that BDSM actually existed before 1997, that he had written more about it, and that really he should get to decide what constitutes a kink. The Marquis meets the ban-dozerrrrr. BDSM is subsequently renamed TANUS.
• Mel Brooks – This famous anti-semite snuck in to IC-rael under the assumed name of 'Herr_Dr_Mengele'. After his harmless medical-play fantasies turned into satires of Nazis and the Jewish Identity he was swiftly perma-banned.
• Talos – The bronze man of Crete made a brief appearance on IC-rael last Tuesday, but was banned for having a name that might be mistaken for T'anus. Oh, and a much bigger cock.