Vampire Freaks
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
[edit] Profiles
Vampire Freaks is primarily a profile site, much like MySpace, except in motifs of purple and black. Most of the Vampire Freaks profiles are over-coded CSS train-wrecks with annoying GIF backgrounds, eye-stabbingly tiny print and manipulated portraits, frequently of MySpace users who look a whole lot better than the owner of the Vampire Freaks account.
The profiles are the primary method of communication in the Vampire Freaks community. Users communicate to each other via profile comments and picture comments, which naturally leads account users to engage in attention-seeking behavior.
[edit] Ratings community
Vampire Freaks has a profile rating system, much like many other profile sites. Users can rate profiles on a scale of one to ten, according to the quality and content of the profile, the appeal of the profile pictures, the user's tastes in music or merely the rater's whim. The rating system has its rewards, namely a moment's recognition on the front page's "top profiles" feature. This recognition lasts usually less than a minute, as the previously top-rated person inevitably will down-rate the new top-rated profile and ask his/her/its e-friends to do so as well. Due to the widely popular "10 and you're in" motto, rating a fellow member with anything less than a perfect 10 will result in massive butthurt and/or drama.
Vampire Freaks also has a daily "featured member" spotlighted on the front page. It is widely believed that the featured member is the user who sends the most noodz to the site admin before midnight.
[edit] Journals
The journals at Vampire Freaks are every bit as inane as those at LiveJournal, but with even more Gothic drama applied to even the smallest event. In other words, Vampire Freaks journals are exactly like DeadJournal. At the time of this writing, some of the site's most recent entries included:
- "This is a sad feeling, sometimes alone isn't a word anymore. I mean I feel so distant from other people, but it seems that even if idressed like everyone else and whatnot I'd still be alone. I don't know how to explain it. I have no idea how anyone else feels though. I feel so alone. I want to move far away and make new friends, since on this side of the net, they are so far gone. I have no idea where some of them are. i am too different from everybody else. I hate it:(" - [2]
- "You guys ever been doing something, been in the same place you are everyday and realized that you really have no friends? It's quite depressing isn't it? To suddenly realize that no one really likes you, but you can't help it because they judged the book by it's cover?" - [3]
- "Rivers of tears, a poem for my broken heart
Black is the river I see, swimming through darkness no light there be. I crawl through the underbrush to the side of a road, I was left behind no hand to hold. I walk naked for people to see, but I am invisible there is nothing to me. How can they see the light in my eyes, the red in my lips, the flight in my thighs. I breathe in each breath with a sigh of regret, I am scared and alone and Oh my God I am spent. Walking and talking to myself, I can't remember me, I am taking the high road to set myself free. My lovers are long gone, a memory left to wither. I stand by myself and I quiver." - [4]
Refresh the most recent entries for endless entertainment.
[edit] Messageboard
[edit] Random Thoughts
The most active forum on Vampire Freaks, this is also the most entertaining forum on the site. However, it is also the most vicious of the forums, where the "old-school" members, forum staff and site elite take great joy in harassing newbs, typically with the tits or gtfo ultimatum or harsh visual memes. In the absence of newbs to harass, the Random Thoughts forum regs will instead post pictures of themselves, lyrics to songs that nobody's ever heard, and polls about what to eat for supper that night or wear to the club.
[edit] the Lounge
The Lounge forum was established as a refugee forum for users who had been banned or kicked from the Chat or flamed out of the Random Thoughts forum. To no surprise, it's full of even more pointless nonsense than Random Thoughts, only without newbs and other losers to flame. They call them 'random thoughts light.'
Correction: The regulars in the Lounge can be just as hard and asshole-ish the random thoughts crowd that they strive to be like and admire. Only they do it by having hard gay sex in each other's assholes.
Correction: The hard gay sex is all oral.
[edit] Advice
In the Advice forum, Vampire Freaks users freely give horrible, impractical advice to teens who are utterly incapable of managing their lives. Typical topics are teen pregnancy, which boy/girl/animal to take as a lover, and ZoMg My parents are so cruel they just grounded me 4 a hole WeEk!!1!1 The Advice forum mods are selected primarily for their maturity, compassion and ability to give sound advice. However, most of them suffer "compassion fatigue" within weeks of joining the Advice forum staff and instead refer the OP to a FAQ nobody will read or give formulaic, cut-and-paste advice from same.
[edit] the Music forums
Fact: All of the cool vampires in Anne Rice novels spend their time talking about whether Green Day could kick System of a Down's ass. Rule: If it's a band nobody has ever heard of, it's the most hardcore band in the world.
[edit] Fashion and Body Mods
These forums are dedicated to the fine art of making ugly Goth people even uglier. People happily discuss what color eyeliner pencil to draw their eyebrows on with, how long their extensions should be (no matter how fake they look), and how many piercings they can get before they set off a metal detector in the airport.
[edit] the Writer's Corner
If you're in the mood for major lulz, direct yourself to the writer's forum. Therein, you will find some writings deemed even more horrible than Vogon poetry. Most poems begin with "my wrists are bleeding black" and ends with "my soul is dead forever."
Here is a sample of the alleged poetry:
"Show me pain
Show me suffer
Show me what love is
Show me what the ring
Tell me why
Tell me how
Tell me who
Tell me something
Daddy, you never loved mummy
Mummy, you're as stupid as he is
And together you represent Hate
And I will be taken away
And it's by my side
That word
My Love sleeps deep inside
That word makes our heart beat
Hate represent our Love
As we are what we hated
And no one will ever break us"
It is widely held by the Poetry mods that most of the so-called poetry is actually generated by the Goth-O-Matic™ Poetry Generator.
[edit] Intelligent Discussion
This was formerly (18+), which was ironically named, considering the fact that 75% of the regulars there were under 18 and probably more intelligent than the adult regs there. Asking for n00dz and spamming links to 2Girls1Cup was common in that forum until Jet finally got off his lazy-ass to change the fucking name. The ugly trollop. Interestingly enough, the new name for the forum is even more ironic than its former tag as it typically includes topics like this: "Ok, I have recently started having problems controling blood lust and I wondered if anybody has an idea on how i can regain control or how I can get the blood without having to cut myself open to get it. please help me out, I don't know how much longer i can control myself."
[edit] Dreams
Dead forum that no one with any sanity ever uses.
[edit] Sports
Due to no one being active, it got wiped out in the VF time paradox created by Jet himself, resulting in 0.00000001% of the messageboard population to be in great agony. And by 0.0000000000000000000000000000% of the population, I really mean no one important.
[edit] Metal
Metal suxxors.
[edit] Chats
#vampirefreaks on irc.webmaster.com combines all the drama, illiteracy and horrific qualities of its parent site into one real-time clusterfuck. Poorly spelled comments are shouted at random, followed by twelve assertions of lol, then finally rounded out with the illiterate flirting of high school sophomores in the brief moments when their dads aren't watching. There's no point to trolling the chat, as the natural state of its users is one of incoherence and agitation. Just sit back and watch the lulz.
Vampire Freaks also has Flash chat with webcam and microphone capacity, much to the pleasure of camwhores and those on the hunt for loli.
[edit] Cults
Within the Vampire Freaks community are user groups known as "cults". Whether being devoted to suicide, ridiculous fashion or Gay/Emo Pride, these "cults" are sure to provide entertainment to the casual observer. Cults are divided into, but are not included to, the following most amusing categories:
- Fashion & beauty: Many beauty cults accept members on an application process and pride themselves on being near impossible to get into, even though the owner is usually fat or ugly.
- Support & help: similar to the "advice" messageboard. Most cults here revolve around cutting or suicide.
- Games: more often than not, not even related to video games. "Cult games" are a really cool way way to achieve high post count, without actually having to interact with other users.
- Literature: Yet another outlet for gothic poetry.
- Locations & languages: "TURKISHFREAKS", niggers, etc. Turkish VF users are notorious for being perverts.
Other categories include Music, Movies & TV, Scenes & culture, HTML & Design, Technology & Computers, Sports & entertainment, Business & shops, Mature & relationships, Arts Food & Health, Philosophy & intellectual, Political & activist, Other
The names of these cults tend to focus on the melancholy nature of the sad fucks who create and subscribe to them. Most cults revolve around 16 year old girls talking about how they love to smoke pot. A lot of the cults on this site are also for the "most 3l33ttttTTt" kids of VF. AKA: The ones with the biggest dreads, most piercings and biggest tits.
[edit] WTF HAX???
From March 14-March 17, 2008 Vampirefreaks underwent a series of epic DDOS attacks that effectively shut the site down completely. Even with the combined efforts of Gnomes and Furries, the site still keeps crashing. Perhaps the webmaster ought to invest in someone that knows wtf they are doing?
UPDATE: From April 10th to April 12th VF seems to be going on another set of DDOS attacks.
[edit] Humor potential
Many other websites with forums occasionally have threads in which they mock the users at Vampire Freaks, usually culling images from the search page, many of which end up in image macros. Sometimes fat or ugly users are rated highly in an effort to make them the highest ranking in searches. In other cases, a basement-dweller will create an obviously fake profile and attempt to pass it off as real, much to the amusement of other normal people. It is not known whether such mockery has ever resulted in suicide.
A successful trolling of any user will result in a long-winded and poorly written rant about those who are different being beautiful human beings. This phenomenon is similar to fursecution in both its tone and the lulz delivered. Recently due to the backlash regarding MySpace, emo refugees have migrated to VF by the thousands to whore their pictures and get other "emo friends" to comment like "u look so hot darling <33 xxx wanna chat on aim x," displacing the formerly dominant Gothic population. Most of the time, the male Top 10 is filled with emo males with a strange resemblance to Captain Caveman. Saying that they have greasy hair is a good way to make them post faux-suicide messages opposed to rants, which brings up massive lulz.
[edit] Noteworthy Vampire Freaks denizens
[edit] Jet
Owner and webmaster. Minor internet celebrity.
[edit] Fatality666
Fatality666, also known as Kimveer Gill IRL, was a Vampire Freak from Montreal, Canadia. He was, however, a freak in a different way than other Vampire Freaks users; he shot people. Liek, with a gun. He prepared for his rampage through the Dawson College by showing off pictures of his various weapons on his Vampire Freaks blog.
He went on his shooting spree through the Montreal college on September 13th, 2006 - Two days after being banned from the Vampire Freaks IRC channel by resident nazi-op Altari. The shooting lasted almost an hour, and only one person was killed. What a pussy. Police fired a bunch of shots at him, and he was hit once in the arm. This made him think that all hope was lost, and so he shot himself in the fucking head. Again, signs of pussiness.
If any mention of fatality666 is put on the site anywhere today, the staff will get butthurt and you'll be b& for life. Obviously none of them has heard of doing it for the lulz.
[edit] Jasmine Richardson
Jasmine Richardson was a Vampire Freak, also from Canadia, who killed her whole fucking family. As with fatality666, there will be much butthurt if you mention her name, usually resulting in being b& and possibly threats of violence by people claiming to have known her.
[edit] Ryle Garamonde
Ryle Garamonde, a former Vampire Freak, was recently outed as a filthy pedophile who bugged girls for noodz and even claimed that he was in love with a minor despite being married with three sons! Deleted the notorious cult LeaveMyKidzAlone (yes Ryle, please do leave our kids alone) before being deleted by site admin.
EDIT: Recently, Ryle has been spotted spamming cults on VF with potentially-virus associated links.
Ryle also has an ED account, goes by "Wafflechoppa". What a fag.
[edit] Matt Crimmins
[edit] Mahl
- A site administrator who came to power by marrying Metalphreak IRL. She spends at least 23 1/2 hours a day logged into VF, which is really quite amazing since she also works a full time job. The other half hour is spent continuously being rammed in the ass by Metalphreak. Noteworthy for owning THE (get your facts straight Ryle) largest cult on the site My_Chemical_Romance. Her profile can be accessed [5] - Here.
[edit] MeTaLpHrEaK
- A 30 year old site administrator (who isn't even 30 yet), allegedly offered up featured member spots and other favors for loli camming. Also noteworthy for IRL marrying some hottie named Mahl and making sure she became a Site Admin, probably by her giving him hot sexings while she was 18.
- Apparently outed Ryle Garamonde as a pedo, even though he never actually said a word about it to anyone, anywhere. Wafflechoppa on ED is Ryle. Why else would "Wafflechoppa" be so interested in even creating a topic for both Mahl and Metalphreak?
[edit] Diabolo
A site administrator notorious for deleting users who down-rate his profile or that of his girlfriend Jenvy. Bear in mind that any rating less than a perfect 10 is considered "down-rating."
In January 2008, Diabolo deleted a forum mod and that mod’s user group (“cult”) because that cult was supposedly “racist,” although the cult’s policy was to discriminate against all races equally.
[edit] Lostxxx
A popular member who is known for starting drama with the minority of the minority: "The Black Goths." She does this because she wants to keep her crown as the only Black Girl on the site.
[edit] See Also
Various knock-off sites. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
Dork Starlings
Vampire Shitty
GoonGothic
VampireRave
