Video games

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Many companies have produced consoles in the hopes of gathering many gold coins from dedicated gamers. Most games have originated in Japan because their graphic design skillz are the only reason we keep the sick fucks on the planet after the Americunts failed to perma-ban them IRL in WWII.

Japanese consoles: Playstations 1, 2, and 3 had moar fail added with each new system. Nintendo, SNES, GaemJEWb and Wii have been known to exploit furfag tendencies and games with Devdan in their fandom.

The American company Microsoft retaliated with a sneak attack by releasing the HUEG ASS XBORX. The XBox was enormous and didn't fit in most working-class homes, but its magnificent graphics created many submissive zombies. It also had a tendency to burst into flames, producing much lulz. The XBox 360 was later introduced to prevent a widening of the video game gap. Consoles wars are heavily focused between PEE-ESS-TREE and EXBAWKS because they are both so insanely expensive, gamers parents don't allot them enough allowance to buy both. Thus flame wars ensue over which console is superior, in attempts to justify their purchase to everyone else.

History

In the Beginning

The first video game was written and designed by Bill Gates, which was Halo. Before this were countless better games on the PC, but the sheltered hobofag lifestyles of console kidz lef them shock n awed with what was essentially a rehash of mediocrity. While Halo might be considered the first great game, it was just that, a game. On the PC, that fuckin shit is a lifestyle.

Shortly after the beginning, but Pre-Halo

This epoch was dominated by games like Battletoads, Bad Dudes, Super Mario Brothers and Sonic the Hedgehog, where the user would save the world in form of a stereotype or furry. These games were ok but the graphics, for their time, sucked, and not until the advent of Final Fantasy VII would the teeming millions of graphic whores be satisfied. Earthworm Jim, however, was a great game. Unused bomb-shelters from the Cold War were beginning to be transformed into game rooms, where gamers could play in solitude. Eventually, MMORPGs and Halo came around and the basement-dwellers, who previously only came up for air every three months, now had the option to sell inflated game accounts on eBay, which made it possible to remain underground forever. They would later evolve into the Morlocks. Contrary to what some might tell you, Halo actually invented the FPS genre (Yeah, no). And the RPG genre. Actually, Halo invented games. And life on Earth. And inventing things.

Pac Man fever became the first widely spread electronically transmitted disease.

Halo

Halo was a cool game because it was the first first person shooter, or FFPS, EVAR! It's story was very inventive, you're a genetically-altered soldier in the year 2552 who has to fight aliens on some planet you crash land on with some cybernetic bitch constantly screaming in your ear. You fight many aliens, swamp monsters, robots, volcanoes, and of course tubgirl. Anyone who does like this game is obviously an emo faggot or a communist.

Halo 2

Sequel to Halo. Now Fags can cause butthurt while wielding two guns at once and are also able to link to other losers 'round the world. Gamers eagerly await Halo 3 so they can finally use their penis in combat, while they scream about how fucked up they are over their headset. Halo 2's new features include texture pop-in (most prevalent in cutscenes), terrible network coding, a convoluted plot, no story progression, and much more tentacles.

Halo 3

Sequel to Halo 2 where Master Chief returns after an annoying cliff hanger to join forces with the arbiter to they can get to saving the universe While many Fanboys thought Halo 2 was ruined compared to Halo, anyone who has even played Halo 2 will immediately realize that Halo 3's multiplayer has been severely beaten by adding the Mauler which makes the user of this weapon instantaneously gay.

Future

Games are now mainstreamed for streamlined accessibility.

Types of Video Games

Fighting Games

A very hard and rather intelligent gaming genre which requires the player to ball their hand into a fist and smash as many buttons as possible until somebody dies. An example of most fighting games can be found here.

Them's fighting pics.

They don't make games like this anymore.

Hmm... Where have I seen these persons before?

Think of it as boob- and nosejobs for /b/.

Hmm... Where have I seen this guy before?	And remember, kids: Martial arts is...	..all about self-improvement.
	Survivor finally...	...got interesting.	Tut-tut!
Any similarities to what happens when girls go on the internet is totally coincidental.	The forgotten art of making interesting photographs for the cover.	The forgotten art of making sharpie drawings for the cover.	Back in the days, the backsides of the boxes was so much more informative.

First-Person Shooters

A Typical WW2 Game Scenario

In First-Person Shooters or more commonly FPS, the player's objective is to move the joystick around until they find an enemy and then attempt to aim at them and pull the controller's trigger. This is often deemed impossible by FPS gamers, the common alternative is to just throw frags and hope you don't kill yourself.

Music-related Games

This is when you pretend you have had any musical experience in your life and try to look experienced whether it be dancing like an azn, hitting buttons on a fake guitar, or making an annoying, crackling puberty shriek into a microphone and referring to it as singing.

Third-Person Shooter

Almost exactly the same as FPSs, but now the camera fucks up on you and instead of having the aim that comes with the FPS view, you now blindly shoot around from the position of a puppet master stalker behind your character.

Role Playing Games

Does anyone remember the original RPGs where you sat in a basement covered in acne, wearing a wizard hat, and pretending you had a life? Well, these are pretty much the same except now you can leave the basement while still remaining in its safety, and further enhances the no life experience by removing the need to be in the same room as your fellow socially retarded friends. The player can now design their character to be free of acne and actually able to talk to people. Hell, if they have enough game money they may even be able to get their Holy Grail, not IRL of course.

Real Time Strategy

Fun Fun.

You play as person who actually gets respect(big surprise for you, I know) and has the ability to command vast armies for whatever retarded purpose they could desire. Seriously, these are cool but usually they revolve around making tanks, sending them some where, and then harvesting crystals of some sort for money so you can make more tanks. These games are played by pushovers who want to feel intelligent.

Massively Multiplayer Online Games

These are ironically the games that are inhabited by the most socially inept fucking lusers to ever roam the interbutts. Usually they're obsessed with leveling which makes their E-Penis bigger, getting virtual Jew Golds, and meeting more people they can poorly interact with. Often at times, people on MMOs will form guilds (vast circlejerks of lusers) so they can pretend they have really close friends. MMO players almost never leave their compy (or a console, lulz) unless it's to go clean their grandmother's toilets or mow lawns so they can get their monthly subscription paid. Popular MMOs are World of Warcraft, Runescape, EverQuest, EverQuest II, Final Fantasy XI, EVE Online, and Darkfall. Some games are mistaken for MMORPGs, when in reality, they're not massive (whatever that means!) Some of these games are Diablo II, Phantasy Star Online, Phantasy Star Universe, and Guild Wars. Even fewer games of the this genre get shut down because of how terrible they are, like Tabula Rasa.

Sports Games

Final Fellatio X-2

Most games are used to remove people from their crap reality, these are just for people who suck at sports.

Sex Games

Although there have been a few of these games for consoles, most of these games exist only on the Internet. Taking anywhere from 2 minutes to 12 hours to complete, the grand reward being poorly drawn fanporn or horribly animated flashsex. These games are usually comical in their inaccurate descriptions of fucking. Furries and pedophiles rejoice in the variety available to them.

You might be a Gamer if...

Power-up boxes in real life

You spent half of your worthless life playing the vidya game long enough to memorize which Japanese word on the menu screen is for yes, no, save, load, options, stereo, and monaural (mono).
You are constantly looking for hidden power-up boxes when walking through your IRL neighborhood.
you can beat everyone at Tekken (A shitty video game series that complete weeaboos, emos, 13-year-old boys, 16-year old girls, fur fags, fucktards, internet tough guys, faggots, and fantards praise for great faggotry) games, but you're still afraid of the singing puppets.
You know the difference between pressing a button and pushing a button.
You're obsessed with online co-op.
You have an extremely short temper.
You expect all plumbers to be Italian, wear overalls, and have mustaches.
You expect to respawn when you enact Self Pwn.
You masturbate to Sonic scat porn.

Vidyo Gaemes, ya hear?

...awell the tiem and eevrydai. ya herdd? unh.

Rules of t3h Vidyo Gaemes

those tempted enough to enter the world of the video games [the matrix] should be careful and follow these rules

1. Link comes before Mario, ALWAYS

2. The only reason why xbox isn't the perfect system is because we have to pay for online.

3. Never know too much about anything in the video game world.

 a. exception is knowing through ____pedia, you'll still sound like a nerd in real life, but the choice is up to you

4.If you're planning to have a life, multiplayer games should be played with people you can see in real life on a daily basis, and single player games are the last resort for boredom, (as in, they do not come before your Wapanese girlfriend, the emos you hang out with, or WORK.)

5.The rules of the internet still apply in halo.

6."Check your corners"

7.The Nintendo Wii has no good third party games, the guitar hero games are murphed.

8.If you beat a physically fit Asian at DDR, you might as well be a prophet.

9.With great rankings comes great responsibility, you can call them annoying, but saying "you suck" can make you look like a douche bag, how is that bad? try playing with people better than you, yeah being a hypocrite is fun isn't it?

10."CHECK THOSE CORNERS"

11.PCs are the best system ever.