Vietnam War
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Vietnam war was started by the French who were startled by monkeys in southeast Asia and promptly surrendered to them. Meanwhile, in Hanoi Ho Chi Min Laden decided that he really liked the color red, so the US Freaked the fuck out and sent in troops. Some people said this was because the south Vietnamese were fighting against the communists, but really it was because Nixon wanted to get rid of the hippies.
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[edit] Vietnam Combat innovations
The Vietnam war was a transitional period in warfare and introduced new techniques in modern warfare such as coating entire countries with carcinogens, carpet bombing rice patties and blasting Wagner as one flew into combat.
It also was the first war to utilize suicide bombing as a tactic. However as the suicide bombers unfortunately chose to use Gasoline instead of explosives lulz were produced instead of casualties.
Vietnam Combat Tactics have had a far reaching effect on American military policy. Before Vietnam the US military's tactic was to try to fight wars to win them, by sending in overwhelming firepower and crushing opposition. In Vietnam it was learned that this was ineffective, so instead the United States decided to throw a decade long rave in Vietnam with it's reserve units and try out all of it's weapons that were too toxic to use on Europeans on the native population.
[edit] The Peace Movement
The peace movement was the US military's most dangerous adversary during the war. Unlike The VC or VPA the hippies' fighting ground was mostly on US soil. Hippies routinely infiltrated American ranks undermining American GI's fighting ability and making pop culture back home in America into one big smelly hugbox.
[edit] Cambodia
Because Vietnam is all Jungle and stuff a lot of pilots and soldiers got lost (especially with all the drugs they were on) and ended up fighting in neighboring Cambodia and Laos. Honestly it was an easy mistake to make as the national pastime of Cambodia is killing people for no reason and having an outright hatred for westerners, much like the rural south. Many American soldiers felt right at home with this and brought this sensibility back to Vietnam in places like Mai Lai.
[edit] The End of the War and the fall of Saigon
The Hippies ultimately won the Vietnam war, causing American Culture to fall apart. In 1972 US troops decided it would be better off to Pull Out of Vietnam and return to the US to become Hells Angels. To get the most lulz out of the situation we decided to pull out all of our troops as quickly as possible While the VPA amassed huge numbers of troops at the south Vietnamese border.
We left and hilarity insued. The South Vietnamese army was massacred, sending all sorts of US sympathizing Vietnamese Clamoring to the US embassy for evacuation. When they got there they were all "Can wree get Awlift Prease?" and the Marines on duty were all like "THIS IS SPARTA AMERICA!" *punt*. As a result the South Vietnamese all got pwned.
[edit] Notable Vietnam Vets
- John Kerry - Commanded a boat on the Mekong and was awarded three purple hearts. Later he decided he didn't like the war (because he kept getting shot) and switched sides to work with the Hippies.
- John McCain - Napalmed the shit out of Vietnamese villages before being shot down and imprisoned by 'Gooks'.
- John Rambo - Singlehandedly stopped the Tet Offensive with a pistol and a survival knife.
- Jane Fonda - Brilliant VPN commander responsible for shooting down John McCain over Hanoi.
- John Doe - Was a guy that got killed a lot.
- Charlie - Was known in the war for being a really elusive guy that didn't like to surf.
[edit] See Also
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