If you haven't looked at ED:LULZ in a while, now is a great time to catch up.
World War II
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
" The swine who stole my doggie doesn't realize what he did to me!"--Corporal Hitler, 1917 (actual quote, FO REALZ)
" I'l be back, the world shall face my wrath when they finish Volkswagen!" --Corporal Hitler, 1945
World War II, pronounced World War Aye Aye, all started because a cranky Australian named Adolf Hitler wouldn't permit his gay priest to get a piece of the fondling action. Coincidentally Hitler's priest was also jewish, which insulted Hitler further. After his mom died and he had no money to mooch off of, he was eventually forced to join the Bavarian army in World War I. Things really escalated when someone stole Hitler's adopted military doggie. All of this resulted in one of the few sequels that was better than the first, kill all the jews.
The worker who stole his terrier was Jewish. Immediately Hitler joined the NAZI political organization and rallied the members to burn the Jewish dog thieves and other political leftard scum.
Contents |
[edit] Other Countries get pissed
Coincidentally, in Russia, Joseph Stalin's cat had gone missing and whilst searching for his beloved vertebrate, Stalin's father beat him on the head with a vodka bottle. This made Stalin evil and he joined #politics to kill cat thieves and moochers. He overtook Soviet socialism and turned it into Communism.
In Japan and Italy their animals were missing too, so Japan rallied its empire against any objectors and so did the fascist Italian government.
Pretty soon, the entire world was taking sides. The mimes, music hall performers, Germans and scout leaders all sided with Hitler. The Austrian were joined by some other people and some nuns. If it wasn't for the nuns, it wouldn't have been the same. Or the singing. The singing was the best bit.
[edit] LOLZ
The United States sat on its ass and ignored Hitler and the Axis powers because they thought Hitler wouldn't get them. Well, Germany took over any country that was near them (conquering France in a record ten minutes) and then forced them to eat bratwurst or die. After taking over almost all of Europe (with the exception of Britain and the gay, always fucking neutral Switzerland people), the Nazis went for Africa to destroy the root of all black people.
Japan on the other hand was causing shit with China and was overtaking them. On the shore side they were invading islands in the Pacific Ocean, spreading the influence of their empire. Of course, this all changed when Pearl Harbor happened and the Americans got pissed off. When America entered the war, they pwned fucking everyone, or so they like you to believe, for it was actually Russia's massive army of gay robots who anally humiliated Hitler. Americans merely gave the Russians a donation of three guns, several bullets and a hot dog.
Russia was going through its communist revolution and messing with whoever they could. This changed when crazy Hitler declared war on Russia, its former ally, and Russia got pissed like a sex-depraved bear. The Russians almost got pwned, Cause the Nazis were using HaX0rz and w4llhackz, but then Stalin got pissed off and beat the crap out of the fascist bastards with his super-magical laser eyes, or other things of that nature.
The Russians drank as much vodka as they could and rose up above the ashes of stalingrad and shouted, "IN SOVIET RUSSIA, RUSSIA INVADE GERMANY!" and charged like the crazy drunken bastards that they are! Hitler was too busy masturbating to furry pr0n to notice that russia was kicking his ass so when his generals told him the conversation went something liek this;
General: "Herr Hitler, the russians used a russian reversal and now WE are getting haxed!!! Hitler: General: ? Hitler: O RLY? General: YA RLY Hitler: NO WAI!!!
So then russia charged into nazi land, raping an pillaging as those cute little russians do (awwww) when they got to berlin stalin screamed "IMA CHARGIN MA LAZER!!!!!" and hoened teh nazi's.
Japanazis were the enemy (lulz jews in the pic]]
[edit] NUKULAR LAUNCH DETECTED
For revenge on Pearl Harbor the US employed Ghost's to nuke the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Due to Clan Japan being full of noobs, they didn't have a single detector unit. GG Japan.
Later we would help them rebuild their economy, which is founded on Canon cameras and DDR machines. When the US were accused of warcrimes and the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Japs, they declared "We did it for the lulz", then they all had a good laugh. Except for the Japanese generals, who forced our hand into atomically pwning their sloppy relatives, resulting in actual war crimes convictions.
As a retaliation, the Japanese invented anime, yaoi and sick fucks porn, which lead, eventually, to the creation of furries. Some claim that their retaliation was too cruel and extreme, and a simple condensation would have contended.
Russia was such a pussy (as it is in every war) that it gave up and joined the US and Britain against the Nazis. Eventually they bombed and started a GIF War every other day and the Nazis were all dead so they kinda surrendered.
It is a known fact today that if Pearl Harbor hadn't woken America off of its ass, we'd all be speaking German now. And we wouldn't have so many cool WWII movies. GG Hollywood.
Also during all of this something called the "Holocaust" may or may not have happened. Most people say it is a bunch of lies by the Jews, who caused 9/11.
During the war, people couldn't get proper clothing and stuff, so they had to wear clothes made of old curtains. Wearing these is another thing that makes them sing. Eventually everyone got over themselves and discovered the internetz. Everyone was able to purchase their own nuclear arsenal from Amazon, and all was good with the world. Expect a WWIII coming to an apocalypse near you.
[edit] Analysis
A poor remake of the original World War, Word War II simply repeats the same tired old formula (Germany invades Europe, an alliance of countries fight back on land, on the seas and in the air and eventually win) but with a bigger body count, and improved special effects. Granted, there are some spectacular set-pieces - the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the D-Day landings, the civilian rescues at Dunkirk and the visually spectacular Hiroshima/Nagasaki climax - but it's hard not to feel like it's all been done before.
It's interesting to note that despite the increased carnage, much of the actual death-dealing is done relatively "cleanly", with explosions and bullets accounting for the majority of the casualties rather than the rotting flesh and trench foot of World War I. It really does seem like they were trying to make this war more palatable to a younger and more squeamish audience.
The exception to this, of course, is the Holocaust, which does feature some genuinely tear-jerking moments - particularly the arrest and murder of Anne Frank - but it feels like they're cynically emphasising civilian casualties in order to bring in the gut-wrenching emotional punch that's lacking on the battlefield this time around.
One of the biggest disappointments about this war is its political simplicity. This time the German leader is Adolf Hitler, a two-dimensional lunatic whose only motivations are taking over the world and the extermination of the non-Aryan race. He's been given a few quirks - a Chaplin-esque moustache and funny wave - and there are some humorously ironic traits (he has a penchant for cowboys) but he remains an unbelievable, wafer-thin bad guy. Motiveless malignity worked in Othello, but this is far from being Shakespearean quality.
The other leaders are largely forgettable, with only Joseph Stalin and Winston Churchill standing out. The latter provides much of the war's comedy, with his humorous combination of bumbling alcoholism and stern leadership, and the former provides the war's splendid twist as he changes sides halfway through (a move which ultimately lead to the superior political thriller The Cold War).
But on the whole it's all rather unsatisfying. Yes, the bigger budget means more impressive battle scenes - the aerial dogfights over England are far more thrilling than the extended trench massacres of its predecessor - but it lacks the emotional and political maturity of its forebear, and the fact that it is regarded as one of the most important wars of recent years (clearly beating the grim but compelling Vietnam War) is disheartening.
- (6/10)
[edit] The RAEP of Nanking
Nanking was the Chinese people's most beloved panda. The Japanese, all of whom are known furries, took it upon themselves to rape the panda in order to humiliate the despicable Chinks.
