Wario

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Original Concept Art.

Wario must fap whenever he sees a pile of treasure.

Wario is one seriously fucked up badass motherfucker. He was created by some random Nintendo employee who was forced to draw a memory-based picture of Mario. Either that or he was modeled after Danny DeVito. Honestly, Who gives a shit!? Wario simply likes to fuck shit up! He is an Fat Italian Jew, evident in the fact that he has an unhealthy addiction to gold coins and garlic. Wario is even more popular in America than his brother, Mario. Why? Because Americans can relate to the fact that he is extremely obese, has no friends, and derives lulz from his ability to fart.

1 Where the hell did Wario come from!?
2 Wario and Mario: Family Matters
3 Wario's Wood
4 Wario and Bomberman
5 The Chronicles of Wario Land
6 This . . . is . . . WARIO WORLD!!!
7 WarioWare Inc.: Mega PROFIT!!!
8 Mona
9 Super Smash Bros. BAAAAAAAAAAWW!!!
10 Gallery
11 See Also
12 External Links

[edit] Where the hell did Wario come from!?

Wario, unlike his brother Mario, was born before their parents were ever married. This is why Wario was destined to become a fat bastard. At first, Wario's parents made an effort to abort him, but Wario ate the doctor. His parents left him in the woods for the wolves to eat him, but instead the wolves raised him as one of their own. A few years later, when Wario was all grown up, he ate the wolves.

[edit] Wario and Mario: Family Matters

I has a bucket!

Wario has been trolling Mario ever since Mario was born. Wario went all eminent domain over Mario's castle in order to make profit and to add insult to injury, he threw a bucket on top of Mario's head and forced him to blindy navigate through a maze. He did it for lulz.

[edit] Wario's Wood

In this game, Wario tries to prove that he has a penis. In the end, however, he was unable to find it because he was too fat.

[edit] Wario and Bomberman

Wario fights Al Qaeda in this game by eating bombs and farting in the very face of terrorism. Then, he eats Bomberman.

[edit] The Chronicles of Wario Land

In the land of Wario there was a man named Wario who liked to steal gold a lot. One day, he encountered some female pirate bitch named Syrup who like to steal gold a lot (This is some serious shit, eh?) Anyway, to sum things up, Wario raped Captain Syrup and stole all her gold. He does this all over again in Wario Land 2. Wario Land 3 is just like numbers 1 and 2, only this time Wario rapes some demonic clown named Rudy the Clown who looks like something Stephen King pulled out of his ass. In Wario Land 4, Wario runs over a cat with his car and wages war on Egypt. Later, he discovers the cat was actually a princess all along! ON NOES!!!111!!! A SPOILER!!!111!!!111!!!ONEONEONE.

[edit] This . . . is . . . WARIO WORLD!!!

Wario totally fucks everything up in this game. Basically he smashes a whole lotta shit with his fists, grabs a whole lotta coins, smashes moar shit, then grabs coins again. Intellectuals who have studied the subliminal messages of this game claim that there are some symbolic sexual connotations involved with all this smashing and grabbing. Some argue that this would have been the best game evar, if not for the simple fact that the length of time it took to win was just TOO DAMN SHORT!!!

Never forget, children, greed = good. Happy piledriving!

[edit] WarioWare Inc.: Mega PROFIT!!!

I came!

Wario was having touble pleasing the ladies in bed, so he invented WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$ in order to get his groove on. The sexual subliminal context is painfully obvious in the subtitles of his games: Twisted, Touched!, Party Games, and Smooth Moves. In order to gather all the support he required to make this shit, Wario phoned various "friends" he had, including Jimmy T. and Mona.

Here was Wario's plan:

Call my "friends."
Invent fart jokes.
Steal a gameboy.
Break the gameboy.
Eat cake.
Eat garlic.
????
PROFIT!!!

[edit] Mona

Mona is Wario's girlfriend . . .

I'd hit it.

. . . Wario could care less.

[edit] Super Smash Bros. BAAAAAAAAAAWW!!!

Wario contributes to global warming.

Not even Wario is safe from bike theft.

Wario-Man or Pajama-Man?

Wario trolled his way into Super Smash Bros. Brawl and eventually became a playable character. His standard costume design is eerily similar to that of some nigga from the ghetto, but he does have the ability to cross-dress into a woman's outfit, depending on the player's preference. He gives Solid Snake the eebie-jeebies.

One of Wario's special moves is the ability to pull a motorcycle out of his ass and ride it. However, like all bikes, Wario's bike is prone to Nigga theft. In order to avoid bike theft, Wario must eat his bike! No, I am not shitting you!

Wario also has the ability to turn into a super-hero after he gets high on garlic. As Wario-Man, he puts on a silky skin-tight costume that makes him look like your Mom. Note: Niggas can't steal his bike when Wario becomes Wario-Man.

Through rigorous sphincter training and coordination, Wario has mastered the ability to charge his farts until they have obtained a power level of over 9000. However, if Wario farts in the wrong place at the wrong time, he is prone to becoming an hero.