Wapanese
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Wapanese (also referred to as "Japanophiles," "weeaboo," "fucking idiots," or "you") are, much like wiggers, painfully clueless honkies trying to fill a perceived cultural void by pretending not to be white -- in this case, by humping the giant Godzilla leg of the Land of the Rising Shit in hopes of being assimilated into its culture. So badly do the Wapanese wish this that they often dedicate entire afternoons to memorizing up to five common phrases in Japanese, though later misusing them at the food court or at animu conventions. This, of course, only serves to further illustrate what flesh-bags of fail these basement dwellers really are.
Most Wapanese imagine Japan™ is a place where the trees are made of Pocky, cities are made of Nintendo Wiis, and schoolgirl loli and/or slender, eyebrow-plucked boy-men are all too happy to prostrate themselves and surrender to the Wap's sickly embrace. This, however, is inconsequential, as most Wapanese will never step foot in Japan, nor gain any more mastery over its language than a crack-addled chimp with Tourette's (that is to say, none at all), and no self respecting piss skin would be caught dead handling their desiccated, sebum riddled penises.. Trapped in its native country, the average Wapanese will frequent sushi bars or the Panda Express (despite the fact that the latter is Chinese food -- silly faggot!), as well as Sanrio stores to stock up on pink, overpriced crap that, while featuring Hello Kitty, was probably made in China.
If you happen to see a Wap on the prowl, make no attempt to engage it in conversation. But curse it in silence, for it is the bane of American youth.
| — You |
Weeaboo Behavior
The average wapanese will whine non-stop about how everyone who professes an interest in Japanese "culture" is merely a poser. They will then play their favorite overpriced "Visual Kei" CD and attempt (badly) to mouth the lyrics while snacking loudly on the last few sticks of Pocky they ordered from J-List. Weeaboo are known to constantly complain about the country in which they live in comparison to Japan. A large sweat drop will appear on their forehead, however, when confronted with the fact that they have never actually been to Japan, and that the closest contact they've had with a Japanese person in real life is watching Gackt play at an anime convention. They will then be driven to tears when confronted with the fact that "Gackt" is a pretty fucking stupid name for someone to voluntarily adopt.
Appearance
In photographs, a wapanese will almost always be fat and ugly, always make the peace sign with one hand while squinting and contorting their already grotesque features into a more grotesque approximation of the ^_^ smiley. Females have a compulsive need to wear at least one item of Hello Kitty clothing at all times, and truly desperate Wapanese will wear a shitload of eyeliner to make their eyes appear chinkier.
Mating Habits
While most Wapanese maintain they will only settle for a genuine Japanese™, most invariably end up settling for another Wapanese. The pair will go about collecting their meaningless Japanese trinkets together, endlessly watching Naruto and Battle Royale and making statements like, "It's kawaii how they loved each other so much they jisatsu'd off the cliff together, desu yo ne!?"
Every once in a while, a lucky Wapanese will manage to find the Azn In Self-denial, a slope who tends to have been born in the U.S. and suffer from low self-esteem or ass burgers. This matters little to the Wapanese, who is just happy to have scored some Asian poontang.
Identifying someone as Wapanese
There are many telltale signs of Wapanese, the biggest being that they will refer to one other as Otaku and employ their distinctive dialect (see above). Other warning signs include:
- Known for stubbornly defending Japan's long history of IRL banhammering other races.
- Tend to have racist and nationalistic prejudice against any other Asian country that isn't Japan (the most common target being good korea).
- For even more lulz, mention the Rape of Nanking or the Bataan Death March and watch them deny it like Ahmedinejad does the Holocaust.
- Watches The Jonny show
- Listens to shitty J-rock bands nobody has ever heard of and believing that every male in Japan™ is a hermaphroditic transvestite.
- Their life dream is not only to go to Japan™, but also to break into the anime, manga or video game industry.
- As most Wapanese cannot hoard enough Gaia gold to get to Japan, the yearly ComicCon in San Diego is the next best place to parade oneself around as a dumbfuck.
- Collecting samurai swords and posing in photos with them is a common Wapanese habit.
- All Wapanese have at least one account on Gaia Online or any other dumb fucking asian themed game site and tend to discuss ethnicity, politics and religion as if they know what the fuck they're talking about.
- For potential lulz, mention that America ironically made peace with Japan only after nuking it, and that Japanese culture has essentially been a ripoff of American culture ever since. Step back and enjoy. For additional points, make a joke about it being odd that they didn't like Little Boy (unless they do).
- Wapanese want to take in the local Asian culture festival every spring, no matter how viciously dull it is.
- Username and/or 99.9% of their friends list's names end in "u", "i" or "-chan".
- Hang out with Asians in the arcade, playing DDR (choosing the same overplayed songs nonstop), Tekken (every weeaboo's, emo's, fag's, and button-masher's favorite fighting game) or Initial D. It's not hard to spot the odd one out there.
- The female Wapanese will often opt for a Lolita dress for their copious bodyfat to spill out of. Most likely will be worn with striped socks and Hot Topic $20 shoes.
- If not saving up for the Lolita dress, buying the cheaply made Hot Topic version and wearing it 24/7.
- If they're a really rich nerd, they might be carrying a little Dollfie around with them dressed up in their own meticulously hand-sewn clothing imported from New Jersey.
- They find "Harem Animu" funny.
- Has an account on Crunchyroll, a JewTube wannabe site infested with Japanophiles and/or Koreanophiles.
- Will commit hilarity by pointing out a Wapanese internets website or MySpace account as an example of Wapanese-ality and claim to know who did it, saying something like "I know who did this, it was [insert Wapanese fetish name]," e.g, Veronica, Erika,Mayra,Momo,May-chan,Panda etc.
- Japanophiles insist on using chopsticks to consume everything from hamburgers to aspirin.
- Waps are inconsistent with their bathing, as they have no time for such concerns. They are usually too busy fondling themselves to tentacle porn, eating sushi, Cheap Ramen shit or buying anime figurines from the Internets.
- The voice in your Political Science lecture (or your Media Studies lecture, or your Economics lecture, or your homemaking course, or your Spanish class, or talking to the bus driver) saying "THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE IN THIS SHOW CALLED APPLESEED EX MACHINA THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" while you die inside will come from a weeaboo, no exceptions.
- Have more than three hair colors.
- Look nothing like the anime characters they dress as, in fact they're the exact opposites.
Wapanese in Denial
- Throw fits when confronted on being a Wapanese/Japanophile and then attempt to kill you with ninja weaponry.
- Can be found religiously on 4chan. (See also: the cancer that is killing /b/)
- Has Dir en Ghey, Gazette or some other bullshit bootleg in CD player.
- Attempts to counteract any of the above in the identification of Wapanese.
- Will shit themselves whenever someone around them speaks actual Japanese. Double points if the person speaking actual Japanese is white.
- Works in a high school in Japan as an ALT and thinks the Japanese staff working there gives a single fuck about them.
- Will claim not to care if they'd be put up on this page, but still secretly remove as much proof of being Wapanese as they can.
Hypocrite Wapanese
A hypocrite Wapanese is almost identical to the Wapanese in denial, though the hypocrite version tends to be more annoying. These tossers prance about claiming they hate Wapanese, but cream their kimonos when they get the opportunity to go to Japan.
- A hypocrite Wapanese living in Japan will last about two weeks before returning home, realizing that the great Hide Matsumoto is dead and no self-respecting Japanese will make sexy time with them.
- Music interests (usually J-POP or JROCK) change weekly.
- Attends anime conventions. Wouldn't deign to cosplay as anime/manga characters, but often goes to check out the J-bands.
- Has a DeviantART account filled with shitty anime drawings of catgirls and lots of emo poetry.
- Usually bisexual or gay from looking at too many pretty Japanese manboys in dresses.
- Tend to be under the age of 17.
- Probably dress in Lolita, Decora, EGL, or any annoying fashion that the Japanese use to lure in whitey's beaucoup bucks.
- Possess a tattoo in Japanese characters, either "hope," "prosperity" or something equally gay.
- Learn what little Japanese they know purely from fapping to animu.
- Blind of the fact that thinking they can be japanese by "acting" like a japanese person is racially insensitive.
- Try and learn Japanese because they have an actual interest in the culture and language.
Useful Wapanese phrases
Wapanese have a tendency to butcher english, mixing what few words and phrases they know in japanese and sprinkling them all over their sentences. Expect to hear such statements as: "That dress is so kawai I wish I could ganbaru like that too, ne! Demo, I can't desu! nyoro~n :3". These commonly used words may help you identify a Weeaboo in the event their retarded, pitiless appearance aren't dead giveaways:
- "Kawaii!" (Wapanese standard warning for, "Do not look directly at.")
- "Konnichiha!" (Japanese mating call of the North American Giant Douchebag.)
- "Baka!" (Noise made when clearing throat to dislodge half-eaten sticks of Pocky, a popular snack formed in a pointless stick shape and coated with the chocolate of shattered dreams.)
- "-chan" (Must be appended to every name to make it sound "cute.")
- "Sugoi!" (Phrase said when they're sure they've found their new mating partner, possibly Japanese, or Asian, but probably another failed Wap like themselves.)
- "Ne!" (Usually said after sentences as a sign for the listener to clock em'. Is actually equivalent to amirite, but no Wapanese realize this as it would entail actual knowledge of the language.)
- "Itai, or Itatata~~!!" (Heard when Wapanese hurt themselves. Signals the hearer to hurt them more.)
- "Desu!" (Wapanese place this at the end of every sentence, Desu!, regardless of its contextual inaccuracy. Popularized by Rozen Maiden Animu, Amuria and other such faggotry. However, DESU! spam may be appropriate in the context of a raid, Trolling or some other epic maneuver provided that lulz are the objective.)
- "Nani?"The Japanese word for "what?" Weeaboos think it makes them cool to use this whenever someone adresses them. It is also an invitation to get socked in the fucking face.
- chibi ("Chibi dogs R adorable~ ^__^")
- suffixes/honorables ("Hey Mary-chan! How are u?!", "No Sasuke-kun, ples don't!", etc.)
- hajimemashite ("HAJIMEMASHITE! That means how are you doing~ kawaii, ne? ^__- *wink* lol")
Statistics
- 70% make their own "Gothic Lolita" clothing, and it shows.
- 100% of Wap artists will flunk out of art school, if they can make it in, because the world does not want any more crackers drawing craptastic animu shit.
- Wapanese spend around 70% of their income on meaningless Japanese imported crap, much of which could be bought at Wal-Mart for far less but MUST be imported because Japanese is liek OMG so suteki ne?
- 82% of male Japanophiles have boasted on their LiveJournals that they will never "settle" for less than an authentic Japanese girlfriend. IRL they are often forced to hook up with their autistic cousin Stacey.
- At least 90% of Wapanese own bootlegs, and will risk their lives not letting that fact out. There most clever means of cover-ups are spelling out bootlegs when they need to tell the kewl kids in school for acceptance
- In every group of Wapanese fucktards, there will be at least two people calling themselves Kitsune and two more calling themselves Usagi. lol, wapafurfags.
- 80% of the writers on Fanfiction.net are Wapanese. We're not doing the headcount, you do it.
- Only 1% of weeaboos have any money. Wait, we take that back, only 1% of Wapanese have PARENTS with money (important distinction). Wapanese with money decide to get "classy" by buying Kimonos and then going to Immortal Geisha to wank about how that 'cheap' $200 p.o.s. they bought was 80% of their allowance, the other 20% was spent on Pocky.
- 100% of Wapanese have a pink motorola razor with a dumbass trinket attached to it that has to do with anime.
- As well as 100% of that 100% with that piece of shit phone they have a fail ring tone to their favorite anime show.
The future of these freaks
Because the lifespan of these fucking dingalings only last until the end of high school for half of them, most will grow up cynical and shameful, turning to the next cultural trend used for their egos. The other half will soldier on, with only the sane 10% growing out of their phase and the insane 40% can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."
How Weeaboo are you?
Gentlemen! Are you a normal person or are you a weeaboo faggot? Answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following questions to let this quiz decide for you. (Other editors, feel free to contribute to this list. One must be ever-vigilant to keep an updated study of these failed Waptards.)
- Do you buy/read manga?
- Have you ever enjoyed/thought of enjoying said manga?
- Are you done with the manga and moving on to Japanese novels? (translated into English, of course)
- Do you watch/have you ever watched/thought of watching animu?
- Have you ever enjoyed/ever thought of enjoying any animu of any sort?
- Watched every movie in the Foreign Films Japan section at Netflix?
- Do you go to Azn food markets?
- DESU?
- Do you have a DeviantART account?
- Have you ever yiffed?
- Was it to a babyfur? If so, you may also be a pedophile.
- Have you fapped today?
- Do you have at least 2 animu posters in your room?
- Do you not know what wallpaper you have because of the amount of animu posters in your room?
- Do you argue with your friends about animu?
- Do you win these arguments?
- Do you get butthurt when you lose these arguments and try to find evidence that proves you're right for the following week?
- Do you go to Japanese food restaurants just because they’re Japanese?
- Do you spend hours on myfamily.com searching for ancient Japanese ancestors that don't exist?
- Have you tried learning Japanese for a reason other than business?
- Did one of your Japanese friends comment on how bad you were butchering the language? (Provided you have any in the first place.)
- Have you been to an animu/hentai con?
- Have you worked at a con?
- Have you ever made an AMV?
- Was it a Narutard AMV?
- Do you own a Narutard headband?
- Have you ever subbed anything for Dattebayo or the like, or are you attempting to study Japanese just so you can sub for some failed subbing group?
- Do you have any clothes with animu characters printed on them?
- Is this most/all of your clothing?
- Do you own a katana?
- Are you the only white person in your kendo class?
- Are you relaxing right now on your futon, wearing a yutaka?
- Are you now saying, "Baka! Baka! It's YUKATA!!"
- Do you use chopsticks instead of a knife and fork?
- Do you use the ^_^, T_T, ., etc. expressions?
- Do you have 'chan', 'neko', 'desu', 'kawaii,' 'miko' or other Weeaboo additives in your nicknames?
- Do you demand your friends to call you by this?
- Is it on your car's license plate?
- If you answered yes to the above, put your car in reverse and let it roll over you
- Do you have a fetish for Azn men/women?
- You know what physical characteristics distinguish the Japanese from other azns - amirite?
- Do you squeal when you're in a store and you see something that's 'totally kawaii'?
- Do you browse 2chan, 4chan, 7chan, 420chan etc?
- Are you a full-blown /b/tard?
- Is a cat fine too?
- Is it awwwright?
- Have you ever enjoyed a Japanese product or thought of doing so?
- Can you choose the sushi-grade tuna every time while blindfolded?
- If you are female, do you make kawaii neko sounds while being pounded at full force in the vagina, ass, and mouth?
- Do you own a Gaia account?
- Are the words baka, kawaii, sugoi, or DESU part of your daily vocabulary?
- You answer the phone, 'moshi moshi,' even though no one, except other weeaboos, know what the fuck you're talking about
- Do you make tabs of JROCK or J-POP songs?
- Are you familiar with any famous Japanese dance choreography?
- Does it include Caramelldansen <- Okay, guys, this is Swedish, not Japanese, you fuckholes! ( don't care its still a weeaboo meme), Otagei, Motteke! Sailor Fuku, or Hare Hare Yukai?
- Do you play Final Fantasy?
- Is your username Honto Kawaii Neko Chan?
- If yes for the earlier, do not go further and immediately jump off a bridge to save humanity
- Have you ever complained about how the translations of anime/manga/video games don't match their Japanese counterparts?
- Was it because they didn't match the fanslations?
- Is 'Kyo' on your MySpace friends list?
- Do you think she (in the loosest sense of the word) is attractive?
- Do you own a Dollfie?
- やらないか？
- いやいや実際にこれが読めますか？読むにはかなり時間がかかりますか？だったら、お前は単なるWeabooに過ぎないよ！ (^O^)<===3 (click the penis to Google translate this sentence)
- Did you just Google translate the above Japanese sentences since you MUST know what it's saying and it's moar than the one Japanese word you know?
- Did you make any corrections to the any of the above Japanese sentences to make them more "authentic"?
- Do you have an account on Mixi, Ameba, or any other Japanese language networking site?
- Does the registration page require you Confirm residence IN Japan?
- Did you have to follow another weeaboo's directions in order to fill out said registration form?
- Have you ever gotten the ban hammer from JapanToday for arguing with the gaijin?
- Did you become butthurt by this quiz and try to change the scoring section explanation from "any of these questions" to "most of these questions"?
- Did you create an account to ED just to do the following above?
- Did you add to the list in order to FURTHER incriminate yourself?
- Is Kairu-kun on your MySpace friends list?
- Do you now, or have you ever, considered or set your cell phone to Tokyo time?
- Is your lifelong dream to live in Japan™?
- Do you follow pikachu on twitter?
- Do you have a youtube like this? http://www.youtube.com/user/MexisxReitaxchan Holy fuck, watching one of her videos literally gave me a headache in pain
Did you read all of that quiz? For the good of mankind, become an hero, you're a weeaboo faggot.
Kawaii Copypasta
WARNING: After reading this, you may feel the urge to become an hero. Please do so.
Omg hai ^___^ Im (Insert ghey wap name here)-chan and I absolutely luuuv @_____@ 4chan <3 and my fav is the anime and yaoi boards!!!!! OK so anyways, I'm going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband Sasuke!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN PERSON!!! SUPAA KAWAII DESU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! ^______________________________________^
When I walked onto Tokyo street =^____^= I looked up and saw SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!
KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPAA SUPAA SUPAA KAWAII SASUKE-SAMA!!!!! I yelled n____n then he turned chibi then un-chibi!!
he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am *___* he grabbed my hand and winked ~_^ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TONGUE TASTED LIKE RAMEN!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< (^O^) (^O^) (^O^)] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -_____________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó)] so I yelled UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT'S MY MAN WHY DON'T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH NARUTO CAUSE SASUKE-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (ò_ó) then Sasuke held me close =^____^= and said he would only ever love me!!!!!!!! And guess what!!!!!! He kissed me again!!!!!!! ** \(^O^)/ then we went to his apartment and banged all night long and made 42 babies and they all became ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^________<) ^_________________^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Jesus Christ, if you say ANYTHING related to that, please go and hang yourself. Thank you.
Blasians (aka The Nigganese)
Although more tolerable than ghetto niggers, Blasians are basically niggers and waps at a crossroads, a rare breed indeed. Probably one of the worst cases of fail ever [see pictures]. This is what happens when you leave your blackfolk unattended. Somebody direct these confused people to some BET videos and a local KFC, or at least go out and buy a cotton gin...
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Know Your Enemy
- Abigaille
- Applemilk1988
- Bloodraptor
- Dontopen-youreyes
- Girugamesh guy
- Fred Gallagher
- HelenBaby
- Hidoshi
- Itachikunlover
- JacobDarkgod
- Kagome-sama21121
- Ladygaia87
- Makhan
- MagicalPockyUsagi
- Natsuko-kun
- Nyoko
- Pantaloons
- Pink Spider
- Popcorn
- Ryoukitten
- Ryulong
- StarTrekNerd11011011
- Se-chan
- Sheikhhardy
- Stormy
- Tara Gilesbie, author of My Immortal
- Uncle Kage
- Valerie (Pai)
- Vanessa Alexandra
- Yumi-Misaki
You can also find many weeaboos/wapanese on YouTube. They use their account to express their "KAWAII" selves, watch anime, and, of course, hentai. Their wapanese usernames usually include Romanized Japanese and/or "kawaii" in it.
See also
- Animu - What weeaboos watch.
- Comic book fans - What almost all weeaboos are but refuse to admit.
- Desu-radio
- Domo-kun
- Fan dub
- J-emo
- Koreaboo - Similar to a weeaboo, but obsessed with Korea instead of Japan.
- Otaku
- Otaku emoticons
- Pocky - Weeaboo bait.
- Ramen - Weeaboo rations.
- Wigger
- You
- Teruaki Murakami
External Links
- Weeaboos shamefully on display.
- Look at this Fucking Weeaboo
- What weeaboos live off of.
- Weeaboo.com
- Where the Weaboos congregate and have cyber orgies while fighting about which Jrocker belong to them
- LiveJournal: WEEABOOS UNITE!
- LiveJournal: Anti-Japanophiles, Elitist Waps.
- Japandemonium!
- Troll weeaboos by offering them cheap Japan flights on YTMND
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Wapanese is part of a series on Anime. |
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Wapanese is related to a series on AZNS. |
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