Wapanese
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Wapanese (also called "Japanophiles" or "Weeaboo") are, much like Wiggers, painfully clueless honkies trying to fill their cultural void by pretending not to be white -- in this case, by humping the giant Godzilla leg of the Land of the Rising Sun until assimilated into its culture, as if being Azn is some kind of acquired communicable disease. So badly do they wish this, in fact, that they are willing to dedicate entire afternoons to memorizing up to five common phrases in Japanese, later misusing them at the mall or furry conventions.
Most Wapanese think that Japan is a place where the trees are made of Pocky, cities are made of platinum PS3s and Nintendo Wiis, and the girls and Bishojos proclaim "ME SO HORRONY" and kneel to take Wapanese cock up the poop chute. Wapanese frequently go to sushi bars or the Panda Express in the food court (despite the fact that it's Chinese foodz), as well as Sanrio stores on a weekly basis. They are the bane of American youth.
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[edit] Weeaboo Behavior
The average Wapanese will whine non-stop about how everyone else who professes an interest in Japanese culture is a poser. They will then throw on their favorite Asian Kung-Fu Generation CD and take out their impotent white rage on the last few sticks of Pocky they ordered from J-List. However, a large sweatdrop will appear on their forehead when confronted about the fact that they have never even seen a Japanese person in real life, let alone ever been to Japan. In the unlikely event that they have actually been to Japan, it is common for them to whine about wanting to go back every 20 minutes, e.g., "I wanna go to Japan T_T!!!!" Weeaboo are also constantly bitching and moaning about the country they are currently living in (if it is not Japan).
[edit] Appearance
In photographs, a Wapanese will always be shown making a peace sign with one hand while squinting their eyes and contorting their facial features into a grotesque imitation of the ^_^ smiley, even if they weren't actually doing so when the picture was taken. Females have a compulsive need to wear at least one item of Hello Kitty clothing at all times and truly desperate Wapanese will wear a shitload of eyeliner and fake eyelashes to make their eyes appear pointier.
[edit] ECCHI KAWAII DESU NE!~!!
Wapanese have a tendency to mercilessly butcher the Japanese language, throwing around random words and phrases whilst completely ignorant to what they mean. For this reason, the term "Wapanese" can also refer to the language spoken by such sad individuals. Almost all Wapanese will pretend to know the Japanese language and will constantly go "I know Japanese!! Kawaii!!" when a Japanese or part-Japanese loli comes within 20 miles of the vicinity. Most Wapanese cannot actually sustain a conversation for more than five seconds with a Japanese person.
[edit] Mating Habits
While most Wapanese maintain that they will only settle for a real-live Japanese, most of them invariably end up settling for another Wapanese. The pair will go about collecting all sorts of little Japanese trinkets together, watching Naruto and Battle Royale endlessly together and making statements like, "Isn't it kawaii how they loved each other so much they jisatsu'd off the cliff together desu ka?" while secretly wishing they'd actually found a Japanese person, or at least an Azn.
A lucky few Wapanese will manage to find an Azn who is in self-denial and chooses to be oblivious to the Wapanese's obvious fetish for a culture the Azn has nothing to do with. Usually this Azn is a BBW and has low self esteem or ass burgers, but this matters little to the Wapanese, who is just happy to have some oriental poon to lick.
Fewer still are the Wapanese who manage to find and not alienate a Japanese with their overwhelming misunderstanding fanboyism of Japanese culture. These Waps are usually so giddy to actually hold the hand of a Japanese person that they fail to realize their Japanese girl/boyfriend is only in it for the green card and has few feelings other than embarrassed disdain for them.
While this latter Wapanese consider themselves l33t, no longer talk to their American friends, and plan on moving to rural Japan with their beloved to live on a farm like a Hayao Miyazaki film, buy a Nissan Skyline GTR and raise a whole litter of hafu children, their Japanese spouses are counting the days until they're naturalized citizens, and can divorce without the threat of being deported like a Mexican to be with someone they actually like.
[edit] Identifying someone as Wapanese
There are many telltale signs of Wapanese, the biggest one being that they will refer to each other as Otaku and say things like kawaii desu yo! (Yikes.) Other warning signs include:
- Known for stubbornly defending Japan's long history of IRL banhammering other races
- If a Wapanese cannot master the Japanese language and hoard enough Gaia gold to go to Japan, the yearly ComicCon in San Diego is the next best place to parade oneself around as a dumbfuck.
- For even more lulz, mention the Rape of Nanking or the Bataan Death March and watch them deny it like Ahmedinejad does the Holocaust.
- Listening to shitty J-rock bands nobody has ever heard of and believing that every male in Japan is a hermaphroditic transvestite.
- Their life dream is not only to go to Japan, but also to break into the anime, manga or video game industry and have sex with all the blond-haired, blue-eyed Japanese girls they saw in Naruto.
- Collecting samurai swords and posing in photos with them is a common Wapanese habit.
- All Wapanese have at least one account on Gaia Online or DeviantART, and tend to discuss ethnicity, politics and religion as if they know what the fuck they're talking about.
- For potential lulz, mention that America ironically made peace with Japan only after nuking it and Japanese culture has essentially been a ripoff of American culture since then. Step back and enjoy. For additional points, make a joke about it being odd that they didn't like Little Boy (unless they do).
- Wapanese want to take in the local Asian culture festival every spring, no matter how viciously dull it is.
- Use Japanese characters -- poorly -- in their LiveJournal interests.
- Wanting to go to Japan and only Japan to meet the (Japanese) love of their life.
- Username and/or 99.9% of their friends list's names end in "u", "i" or "-chan".
- Hang out with Asians in the arcade, playing DDR (choosing the same overplayed songs nonstop), Tekken (every weeaboo's, emo's, fag's, and button-masher's favorite fighting game) or Initial D. It's not hard to spot the odd one out there.
- Usually saving up for their next trip to Japan, so they can buy a Lolita dress that their fat will spill out of. Most likely will be worn with striped socks and Hot Topic $20 shoes.
- If not saving up for the Lolita dress, buying the cheaply made Hot Topic version and wearing it 24/7.
- If they're a really rich nerd, they might be carrying a little Dollfie around with them dressed up in their own meticulously hand-sewn clothing imported from New Jersey.
- They find the animu genre of "Harem Comedy" funny.
- Has an account on Crunchyroll, a Jewtube wannabe site infested with Japanophiles and/or Koreanophiles.
- Will commit hilarity by pointing out a Wapanese internets website or MySpace account as an example of Wapanese-ality and claim to know who did it, saying something like "I know who did this, it was [insert Wapanese fetish name]," e.g, Veronica, Erika, etc.
- Japanophiles insist on using chopsticks to consume everything from hamburgers to aspirin.
- Waps are inconsistent with their bathing, as they have no time for such concerns. They are usually too busy fondling themselves to tentacle porn, eating sushi or buying anime figurines from the internets.
[edit] Wapanese in Denial
- Throw fits when confronted on being a Wapanese/Japanophile and then attempt to kill you with ninja weaponry.
- Can be found religiously on 4chan. (See also: the cancer that is killing /b/)
- Has Dir en Grey, Gazette or some other bullshit bootleg in CD player.
- Attempts to counteract any of the above in the identification of Wapanese.
- Has an aneurysm whenever someone around them speaks actual Japanese. Double points if the person speaking actual Japanese is white.
[edit] Hypocrite Wapanese
A hypocrite Wapanese is almost identical to the Wapanese in denial, though the hypocrite version tends to be more annoying. These tossers prance about claiming they hate Wapanese, but cream their kimonos when they get the opportunity to go to Japan.
- A hypocrite Wapanese living in Japan will last about 2 weeks before returning home, realizing that the great Hide Matsumoto is dead and no self-respecting Japanese will make sexy time with them.
- Music interests (usually J-POP or JROCK) change weekly.
- Attends anime conventions. Wouldn't deign to cosplay as anime/manga characters, but often goes to check out the J-bands.
- Has a DevianTART account filled with shitty anime drawings of catgirls and lots of emo poetry.
- Usually bisexual or gay from looking at too many pretty Japanese manboys in dresses.
- Tend to be under the age of 17.
- Probably dress in Lolita, Decora, EGL, or any annoying fashion that the Japanese use to lure in whitey's beaucoup bucks.
- Possess a tattoo in Japanese characters, something meaning "hope," "prosperity" or something equally gay.
- Learn what little Japanese they know purely from fapping to animu.
[edit] Useful Wapanese phrases
These commonly used words may help you identify a Wapanese in the event their sad, pleadingly pitiful appearance isn't a dead giveaway:
- "Kawaii!" (Wapanese standard warning for, "Do not look directly at.")
- "Konnichiha!" (Japanese mating call of the North American Giant Douchebag.)
- "Baka!" (Noise made when clearing throat to dislodge half-eaten sticks of Pocky, a popular snack formed in a pointless stick shape and coated with the chocolate of shattered dreams.)
- "-chan" (Must be appended to every name to make it sound "cute.")
- "Sugoi!" {Phrase said when they're sure they've found their new mating partner, possibly Japanese, or Asian, but probably another failed Wap like themselves.)
- "Ne!" (Usually said after sentences as a sign for the listener to punch them in the face. Is actually equivalent to amirite, but no Wapanese realize this as it would entail actual knowledge of the language.)
- "Itai, or Itatata~~!!" (Heard when Wapanese hurt themselves. Signals the hearer to hurt them more.)
- "Desu!" (Wapanese place this at the end of every sentence, Desu!, regardless of its contextual inaccuracy. Popularized by Rozen Maiden Animu, Amuria and other such faggotry. However, DESU! spam may be appropriate in the context of a raid, Trolling or some other epic maneuver provided that lulz are the objective.)
[edit] Statistics
- DeviantART is home to a large population of Wapanese who trace Sailor Moon and fap over other popular animu shit that litters the site.
- At least 100% of the Wapanese "artists" on DA want to study art in Japan and become famous manga artists. However 75% can hardly handle drawing circles, and 90% will never have enough money to move to and study art in Japan.
- 70% make their own "Gothic Lolita" clothing, and it shows.
- 100% of Wap artists will flunk out of art school, if they can make it in, because the world does not want any more crackers drawing craptastic animu shit.
- Wapanese spend around 70% of their income on meaningless Japanese imported crap, much of which could be bought at Wal-Mart for far less but MUST be imported because Japanese is liek OMG so suteki ne?
- 82% of male Japanophiles have declared on their LiveJournals that they will never "settle" for less than an authentic Japanese girlfriend. IRL they are often forced to hook up with their autistic cousin Stacey.
- At least 90% of Wapanese own bootlegs, and will risk their lives not letting that fact out.
- In every group of Wapanese fucktards, there will be at least two people calling themselves kitsune and two more calling themselves usagi.
- 80% of the writers on Fanfiction.net are Wapanese. That's a lot of Wapanese.
- Only 1% of Wapanese have any money. Wait, I take that back, only 1% of Wapanese have PARENTS with money. Wapanese with money decide to get "classy" by buying Kimono and then going to Immortal Geisha to wank about that 'cheap' $200 they bought that was 80% of their allowance, the other 20% was spent on pocky.
[edit] How Weeaboo are you?
Gentlemen! Are you a normal person or a weaboo faggot? Answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following questions to let this quiz decide for you. (Other editors, feel free to contribute to this list. One must be ever-vigilant to keep an updated study of these failed Waptards.)
- Do you buy/read manga?
- Have you ever enjoyed/thought of enjoying said manga?
- Do you watch/have you ever watched/thought of watching animu?
- Have you ever enjoyed/ever thought of enjoying any animu of any sort?
- Do you go to Azn food markets?
- DESU?
- Do you have a DevianTART account?
- Have you ever yiffed?
- Was it to a babyfur? If so, you may also be a pedophile.
- Have you fapped today?
- Do you have at least 2 animu posters in your room?
- Do you argue with your friends about animu?
- Do you win these arguments?
- Do you go to Japanese food restaurants just because they’re Japanese?
- Have you tried learning Japanese for a reason other than business?
- Was it just to watch animu?
- Did one of your Japanese friends comment on how bad you were butchering the language? (Provided you have any in the first place.)
- Have you been to an animu/hentai con?
- Have you worked at a con?
- Have you ever made an AMV?
- Was it a Narutard AMV?
- Do you own a Narutard headband?
- Have you ever subbed anything for Dattebayo or the like, or are you attempting to study Japanese just so you can sub for some failed subbing group?
- Do you have any clothes with animu characters printed on them?
- Is this most/all of your clothing?
- Do you own a katana?
- Do you use chopsticks instead of a knife and fork?
- Do you use the ^_^, T_T, ., etc. expressions?
- Do you have a fetish for Azn men/women?
- Do you browse 2chan, 4chan, 7chan, 420chan etc?
- Are you a full-blown /b/tard?
- Is a cat fine too?
- Is it awwwright?
- Have you ever enjoyed a Japanese product or thought of doing so?
- If you are female, do you make kawaii neko sounds while being pounded at full force in the vagina, ass, and mouth?
- Do you own a Gaia account?
- Are the words baka, kawaii, sugoi, or DESU part of your daily vocabulary?
- Do you make tabs of JROCK or J-POP songs?
- Are you familiar with any famous Japanese dance choreography?
- Does it include Caramelldansen, Otagei or Hare Hare Yukai?
- Do you own a Dollfie?
- やらないか？
- これ読める? 日本人じゃないのにこの文章を読める場合、ささっと死に腐るべし! (^O^)<===3 (click the penis to Google translate this sentence)
- Did you just Google translate the above Japanese sentences since you MUST know what it's saying and it's moar than the one Japanese word you know?
- Did you make any corrections to the any of the above Japanese sentences to make them more "authentic"?
Did you answer "yes" to any of these questions? Become an hero, you're a weeaboo faggot.
[edit] Videos
Wapanese Karaoke
Many Waps enjoy singing Japanese or some other Chinky music at karaoke sessions. However, their lack of Japanese-language ability, complete lack of singing ability, and massive amount of fail in their bodies means that not only are their attempts at cultural appropriation painfully futile, they are blind to just how much the world suffers from hearing them. Youtube features many of these racially (and in some cases, sexually) confused douchebags. Get with it.
Weeaboo are racist
[edit] Gallery ^______^
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[edit] Know Your Enemy
- Arudou Debito
- Applemilk1988
- Dontopen-youreyes
- Fred Gallagher
- Hidoshi
- Itachikunlover
- Kagome-sama21121 (Needs more raid)
- Kokido
- Ladygaia87
- Makhan
- Natsuko-kun
- Neffy
- Pantaloons
- Pink Spider
- Popcorn
- Ryoukitten
- Ryulong
- Se-chan
- Tara Gilesbie, author of My Immortal
- TokyoJosh
- Uncle Kage
- Valerie (Pai)
- Yumi-Misaki
- waruteru chan
- Mel-P (needs moar raid. PLZ HALP!)
[edit] See also
[edit] External Links
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Wapanese is related to a series on AZNS. |
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Wapanese is part of a series on Anime. |
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