West Virginia

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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A typical resident of this fine state.

West Virginia is the shitty state located to the west of Virginia, seperating Ohio and Pennsylvania with it's retard arm. WV is famous for it's lack of teeth, fatass hillbilly girls, NO NIGGERS, fried chikinz and Pickup Trucks.

West Virginia takes most of it's popularity due to it's close proximity to Ohio, and in specific Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The state has very little in general to offer even the most extreme of tourists, though for potential college students West Virginia is worth the look.

The state itself is made up of dirt paths and Interstates/Turnpikes, with radar traps every 500 feet, as well as Air Radar Surveillance. Speed should be closely monitored until safely out of West Virginia, or at the very least nearing the boarder; though it shouldn't be a problem as the average speed limit in West Virginia is 80 on the highways, and 50 on other streets.

The formation of West Virginia

Back when the US gave birth to all the states, Virginia and West Virginia were came out as conjoined twins. George Washington use teh surgeries to split them, however the only brain was given to Virginia. While Virginia went on to be successful and smart, West Virginia turned out retarded but won an $11,000 malpractice suit against George Washington. During the Civil War, West Virginia was a confederate state, thus making it just as retarded as Alabama, Mississippi or Georgia.

West Virginia Today

West Virginia today is rather like West Virginia of yesteryear - still full of inbred, confederate, gun-toting hicks. Major steps towards civilization can be seen in areas such as Morgantown, which is a pleasant place to be. Wheeling, a city built like Las Vegas, is still full of hicks but takes pride in it's casino, Wheeling Downs.

Major Cities

There are no "major cities" in West Virginia.

Smallish hick towns that think they are major cities

Morgantown

Formerly THE #1 Party School in the country, Morgantown is where trendsetting people live in West Virginia. Full of upscale condos and the beautiful new WVU campus, Morgantown is a great place to do a keg stand, score a half ounce, party down, ignite a sofa, and wake up the next morning on a half-burned couch in some guy's apartment you never met before. Favorite hangouts include the Sheetz near University Dr., the bars scattered through Downtown Morgantown, and of course, the DA Building, along with the Starbucks in the Barnes and Nobles. Frequent traffic jams due to the streets being an ad hoc collection of potholes and stray patches of concrete, and couches burning in the middle of the road.

Charleston

The state capital of West Virginia; contains not much more than hicks and tumbleweeds. According to local knowledge, furfaggotry has overwhelmed the city of a couple hundred, with as many as 6(!) furries being spotted. Whether they make it to Anthrocon or not has yet to be determined. It is also rumored the Jxceldolghmq meme originated (or at the very least, was forced) in Charleston, but efforts to reach the author have lead this ediot to an outhouse telephone.

Wheeling

Described by most as "Pittsburgh's Truckstop", Wheeling is a city that prides itself on the seven deadly sins, mostly greed and gluttony. Cheap diners, floozies and slot machines are a plenty in Wheeling, and as further evidence of Wheeling's attempt to emulate Las Vegas, GOLF RESORTS have been spotting up.

Beckley

Beckley has a coal mine apprentice training center, the headquarters office for the federal government coal mine rescue agency, the Beckley Exhibition Mine, and towns surrounding it for 75 miles in all directions with names like Coalwood, Pipestem, Rockview, Wolf Pen, Cyclone, and Slab Fork. All these towns look exactly alike. Furfags unluckly enough to be born in any of these towns wind up in Beckley, which is the only outpost of civilization for hundreds of miles around. Did I mention you can get black lung disease from just driving past Beckley?

Martinsburg

Hazzard County may be in Georgia on TV but IRL it's here. Martinsburg is full of people who think they are Bo and Luke Duke. Some of them commute to Washington D.C. and play Bo and Luke Duke only on the weekends. For some of them it's a full time gig. Otherwise best known for being a stopover for truck drivers passing through on I-81 who stop at all the strip clubs and Wal-Mart.

Huntington

Huntington leads the nation in percentage of adults who have lost all their teeth. There is nothing to do in Huntington except drive across the state line to gaze at the Ashland oil refinery.

Shepherdstown

Mostly a bunch of Birkenstock wearing hippy freaks who hang out at farmer's markets selling organic tofu and smoking wacky tobacky. Has a bunch of pretentious shops peddling arts and crafts made by some pretentious leftard women's collective in Guatemala. The entire town reeks of estrogen.

Elkins

Sort of like Shepherdstown, but not quite as bad. Elkins has a ramps festival, which is a stinky plant that makes your breath smell like Cthulhu. Has a choo-choo train and attracts foamers the way Anthrocon attracts furfags.

Charles Town

The only thing keeping Charles Town on the map anymore is the casino, which is the real reason for the national debt given its proximity to the Washington, D.C. metro area. Politicans have been spotted here spending your tax dollars. Has horse races.

Weirton

Weirton wanted to be Pittsburgh when it grew up. Instead it is Wheeling's little brat kid to the immediate north.

Welch

This used to be a major town. Now it's all boarded up, and gets flooded out a lot. All the action long ago moved up to Beckley, which isn't saying a whole lot. Seriously, this town lost 80% of its population in the last 3 decades. This is a higher rate of loss than the rate of tooth loss in Huntington plus money loss in Charles Town and Wheeling combined.

Bluefield

See Welch.

Fairmont

See Morgantown.

Parkersburg

The U.S. Bureau of Public Debt is based here. The city motto is "let's be friends". Nobody cares in either case.

Harper's Ferry

No. Parking. Anywhere. A bunch of National Park Service rangers think life sucks because they would rather be at Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon, and will have your car towed. There is nothing to see here anyway, except a bunch of bums passing through during the summer hiking the Appalachian Trail, and some Civil War stuff.

Really Tiny Hick Towns

Few and far between, they dot the hills of the Applachian Mountains, offering absoloutly no enjoyment whatsoever, unless you feel like looking at leaves during the fall, or visiting a "posessed" prison.

Industry

West Virginia actually does produce quite a bit for our shitty world, including:

Athletes
Great journalists
CEOs
Sen. Robert Byrd
Coal
Jesco
Couches, to replace those burned after football games

Internets

Ah ha! You'd think West Virginia has no internets connection, right? Wrong! West Virginia creates much drama in the intertubes, and produces an unusually high volume of furfags. West Virginia is also responsible for 99.9% of Star Trek fanfic on the internets.

Yar ye yer yippin y'all be from them thar city?

ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT? No. No, most local residents don't.

“	Them thar wes'ginnians speaks them thar crakka versions of ebonics due to lack of them thar dental hygene. Yar yippin, none of them thar shitty talkin' round these parts. Y'all be drivin F150s round here.	„
—How this article looked before it was made legible

West Virginia uses an incomprehensible form of gibberish, slackjaw-yokelism and midwest drawl as it's language. Imagine if you will, a state full of Boomhauers. That my friends, is what you will find most commonly in West Virginia.

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