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Wii

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Criticising a Wii game for being gimmicky at this point feels like criticizing a midget for being short.

Wii did 9/11

Wii (pronounced wee) (or Nintendo Wang in Japanese) is the name of Nintendo's newest console with a MSRP of at Least 100 dollars. The idea was born by Japanophiles who thought the phrase "Wii will change everything" was the funniest thing ever. Nintendo claims the "ii" is an image of gamers playing together... which is complete crap as gamers have no friends with whom to play. The Wii fan base consists mainly soccer moms, 5-year-old girls, and whiny 12 year olds whose parents can't afford a decent gaming console. Anyone with half a brain knows that it's basically just the FailCube with vibrator/wiimote capabilities and next-gen freezing technology. It is also 99.9% likely that it will give you wanker's cramp.

1 Wii Games
2 Controller
3 Casual Gamers
4 HAY GAIZ, FREE ONLINE PLAY! LOL JK!
5 Wii is better than PS3 u faggots
6 Hold Your Wee For a Wii
7 Wiijected names
8 Gallery of Hilarious Wii Jokes
9 An Wiiro
10 People Who Want a Wii
11 Half Baked Console is HALF BAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD (click to expand)
12 People Who Have A Wii, But Spend All Their Time On ED
13 Official Theme Song
14 External Links

[edit] Wii Games

INNOVASHUN

Holy goddamn fucking shit, look at that innovation!

With the Wii's cutting edge waggle technology, you can expect nothing but the most mind blowingly, kick ass, new, and more than anything, innovative games ever made in the history of the universe. Have you ever played chess before? Fuck no, you haven't played chess until you've played Wii Chess! Unlike regular old boring chess where you move un-animated chess pieces across a boring wooden board using your fucking monkey hands, Wii Chess allows you to manipulate virtual chess pieces using cutting edge motion-sensor technology, allowing you to proudly shout "check mate!" at your opponent over the interwebs like any civilized 21st century gamer.

Expect nothing but the most cutting edge minigames in console gaming history. Aimed at "casual gamers" (read: your grandparents and kindergartners) the majority of future titles available will have innovative gameplay that can be run through in less than an hour. You can bet your blue overalls that Mario will continue to defecate on any sport imaginable, like Tennis, Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Golf, or Curling. Even Link, from The Legend of Zeldur is being thrown into the mix, with his innovative game, "Link's Crossbow Training," which will be exactly like the minigame in Ocarina of Time, only with more innovation, as it will use ~~light gun~~ patented Wii sensor control technology that has yet to be used in any arcade game from the 90s. Even Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles will feature the amazing minigame rail-shooter technology ~~just like in House of the Dead 2 for the Dreamcast, which was actually a better game~~ that has never, ever been used before in the history of gaming.

Best selling Wii games as of December 2007:[1]

Wii Sports - MINIGAMES
Wii Play - MINIGAMES
Wii fit - MINIGAMES and fat loser's favourite past time
~~The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess~~ - LAWL, it's a Gamecube game.
Mario Party 8 - MINIGAMES
Super Mario Galaxy - OMG! I LOVE MARIO!
Wario Ware: Smooth Moves - MICROGAMES
Super Paper Mario - MOAR FUCKING MARIO!
Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree - MINIGAMES
Mario Strikers Charged - HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH MARIO!
Rayman Raving Rabbids - MINIGAMES
Red Steel - 5.5
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption -Holy shit it's a sequel, get in my Wii!
~~Resident Evil 4~~ - LOL, it's another Gamecube port.

[edit] Controller

Revolutionary controls

Three different angles to stimulate your nintenfag ass with.

The Wii uses a wireless controller with an analog stick attachment called the Nunchuck. Xbox and Playstation fanboys are jealous because the shape vaguely resembles a dildo which they would like to shove up their asses. The Wiimote/Nunchuck combination will revolutionize the gaming industry by giving the user new and innovative ways to play the next Mario, Metroid, and Kirby games, which are surprisingly similar to versions released 15 years ago. The controller is considered perfect for the average Nintendo fanboy, who is already used to grabbing a thin rod and shaking it for hours on end.

Overall, you are going to look like the biggest queer in the world when you play any Wii game with the motion controller, as evidenced here. Only a total idiot thinks this is better than the old way of playing games. Luckily, Nintendo could foresee that a majority of their games that didn't involve firing projectiles would probably be better off without da innovashun, and you can still plug in your superior Gamecube controller and put the Wii's motion sensors in the back of the closet along with your Power Glove. Red Steel is also a prime example of why Japan should NEVER be allowed to make another first-person shooter; seriously, stick to your cookie-cutter same-plot-every-time RPGs Japan. (Editor's note: It should be noted that Red Steel was developed by UbiSoft Paris. Fucking French.)

[edit] Casual Gamers

"I love nintendo cuz there games are fun not hard"

Nintendo disowns their children, the nerds, for non-gamers

Ironically, the legions of Nintendrones defending the Wii's honor and pointing out that it's become the best selling console of this generation is exactly the demographic that Nintendo is abandoning. At a London showcase of Nintendo's "Mind, Body and Console" press conference, Nintendo's UK head of marketing, Dawn Paine, expressed that the Wii was targeting more than "solitary anti-social teenagers," which is a nice way of describing fat, lonely, basement-dwelling gamers.

“	...Paine's presentation outlined the ways in which gaming has been... 'a sad addiction that removes the player from reality'. A picture of a long-haired nerd, screaming as he gripped a control pad, appeared on the projection screen... populated by the phrases 'glazed over', 'isolated' and other negative terminology. Rather than debunk such perceptions, Nintendo simply suggested that it was courting a different audience...	„
—Edge Magazine, December 2007

Calling your devoted fan base a bunch of sad and pathetic losers? Clearly, nothing but good can come from this statement.

[edit] HAY GAIZ, FREE ONLINE PLAY! LOL JK!

A typical Mii

Back in August of 2006, Reggie Fils-Aime, the lying faggot also known as the president and chief operating officer of Nintendo of America, made it publicly known that there would be no subscription or any kind of payment to play the Wii online[2]. Consumers would be able to enjoy free Wi-Fi (pronounced "whiffy") right out of the box, without being bothered by any failtastic monthly payments like Ecks Bawks Live.

“	...plug it in and go. It won't have hidden fees or costs.	„
—Reggie Fils-Aime, SPOUTING HIS LIES

At the 2008 Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, Nintendo introduced a much newer, more INNOVASHUN-ed form of online play known as "pay-to-play," which will force Wii owners to subscribe on a game-by-game basis for certain video games. Games with free online will still have the blue seal on the box reading "Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection" but games which Nintendo hopes will actually turn a profit will be adorned with a red seal which reads "Pay and Play." Ironically, this now means the Playstation 3 is the only current-generation console to offer no-strings-attached, completely free online play, which balances out its exorbitant price, and the general fact that the PS3 online service simply sucks, so you pick. This only proves that Nintendo would like you to think their company is run like a mom and pop store, when in truth, they're clever, scheming bastards who release shit hardware with INNAVASHUN and sell millions to morons.

[edit] Wii is better than PS3 u faggots

Science!

Ray, a twenty-seven year old Canadian known across the Youtubes as fhgaty2 (Moar like faggoty amirite?)doesn't think the Wii is the best console of this generation-- he knows it is a fact. He doesn't give a crap about getting all this shyte every flippin day about how the Wii is inferior and gimmicky, and he's just going to ~~ignore~~ read all your anti-Wii comments from now on. The PS3 six-axis is just copying the Wii's motion control; as a matter of fact, the PS3 doesn't even have motion control. Did you paint your Wii black and write PS3 on it? You idiot. Would you rather have a great game with crappy graphics, or a crappy-ass game with great graphics? He still makes videos and they are still as gay as ever. If you need to send him your thoughts, he'll give you a well thought out reply with no stupidity at all.

“	The Wii is awesome, the PS3 doesn't.	„
—fhgaty2, master linguist

“	The 360 only has shooters and Viva Pinata.	„
—fhgaty2

“	fine while were at it im a fairy	„
—fhgaty2

Shockingly, fhgaty2 deleted his amazing argument in favor of the Wii. His dox can still be viewed here: #1, #2.

[edit] Hold Your Wee For a Wii

GET IT? "WII" AS IN "PISS!"

If you're wondering just how dumb the Wii fanbase is, look no further than 28 year old Jennifer Strange of Sacramento, California. Jennifer was so dumb she accidentally killed herself with water intoxication in a radio contest. Yes, she managed to poison herself with an overdose of ordinary drinking water. In early January 2007, Radio station KDND 107.9 held a contest where people had to drink massive amounts of water, and whoever held it in the longest won a Nintendo Wii. My, the urine jokes never get old with the kiddies, do they? To speed the contest along, contestants had to consume more water after a specified amount of time. Why would this woman subject her bladder to such torture? For her three (now motherless) children, of course! The children will most likely be spending eternity rotting in hell for making their own mother kill herself because of their own selfish desires.

MSNBC said it, so it must be true: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16614865/

[edit] Wiijected names

Nintendo trying to appeal to stoners.

Undeniable proof that the Wii is for pedos.

Nintendo played around with a myriad of potential names for the console, before finally settling on "Wii". A partial list of these working titles follows:

Revolution
Nintendo RC
Nintendo Lulz
N5
Nintendo Rev
Gameparallelipiped
Nintendo 180 (Scrapped when it was revealed that the new XBox had a number twice as big after its name)
Powerglove revisited
Wang, after the head of the controller design team.
Wii: New Era of Revolution, abbreviated to Wii^NER.
Physical Nintendo Entertainment System, or PNES
Vagina The name Wii was used instead for lack of puns
Wheeeeee (way too gay for even the Nintendo market.)
Wiigii

Head of Nintendo, Shigeru Miyamoto had this to say about his decision in the final naming of the console:

“	...[We] just felt that the name "Wii" represented a sense of oneness among the gamers who would play with our console. The fact that it's pronounced the same as "We", W-E, is no accident. Most consoles, players are sort of isolated while they're playing. This console will change that. We wanted to give gamers something different, so the name had to be unique; distinct from those of other consoles on the market today. And really, what gamer doesn't want to sit at home and play with his Wii all day long?	„
—Shigeru Miyamoto

[edit] Gallery of Hilarious Wii Jokes

Many games for the Wii use controllers to simulate tasks such as mowing the lawn.	Proper use of a Wii controller.	The typical Wii user.	THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
New Wii accessory.	The Ultimate Fist Fucking Tool.	Wii Kinobi.	<3 Wii.