Wolverine

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Wolverine[1] is a pretty cool guy, eh pwns ninjas, has sex with 16-year-old girls and doesnt afraid of anythign

You'd be angry too if you weren't tall enough to go on the rides at Six Flags.

wat

Wolverine is a superhero that appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. Born James Howlett and commonly known as Logan, Wolverine possesses animal-keen senses he uses to fuck bears, enhanced physical capabilities, a retracting boner, and a healing factor that allows him to recover from any injuries he sustained while fucking bears. This healing ability enabled the bear-fucker program Weapon X to bond the near indestructible metal alloy adamantium to his skeleton, claws and boner.

Wolverine was typical of the many tough anti-authority/anti-heroes/anti-Jew that emerged in American popular culture after the Vietnam War; his willingness to use deadly force and his emo nature became standard characteristics for comic book anti-heroes, except for pussies like Batman and Superman. As a result, the character became the clear favorite for anyone who got picked on in school for reading comic books instead of chasing pussy.

Wolverine has been featured in a small number of solo comic serieses since 1988 and has been a central character in every X-Men adaptation, including animated television series, video games, and the live action 20th Century Fox X-Men film series, in which he is played by Hugh Jackman, who sings and dances on Broadway.

Sometime in the year 2000, Marvel Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada decided Wolverine needed to be a role model for kids so he had him stop smoking cigars. But brutally decapitating anyone who looks at him the wrong way is just fine.

Trivia

• In the comics, Wolverine is only 5 foot, 3 inches tall. That's right, all he really is is just an angry midget.

• Despite being a trained and accomplished samurai, all he seems to be able to do is leap headfirst with his claws out.

• Currently, Wolverine is a regular character in six different series', all of which take place at the same time at different locations across the world. Marvel explains how this works as

• In the newest X-Men cartoon, Wolverine is the leader of the X-Men. This makes Cyclops, the usual leader, completely useless as opposed to being just mostly useless.

• His catchphrase is that he is "the best at what he does," even though he seems to lose every fight he gets in.

• Wolverine once had all the adamantium in his body removed by Magneto. It was then revealed that Wolverine had bone claws all along, due to actually being a member of a part-wolf part-humAAAAAAGH WHO FUCKING CARES

Also see

• Batman
• Comic book fans
• The Hulk
• Spider-Man
• Superman