Wimmins
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A woman is the useless skin around the vagina. Only topic of interest about a woman is whether she spits or swallows.
General facts
Though debated otherwise by some feminists, women are NOT people. They are far less intelligent than men, incapable of making decisions as well as men do because they are on their period almost all the time. Being genetically inferior and incapable of taking responsibility for their actions (nothing is ever their fault) they are to be accompanied by a male custodian at all times. Men are entitled to pussy, and just because it is attached to a woman, doesn't mean they have rightful control of it. They are objects, useful for cooking, cleaning and sexytimes, and should be treated as such.
Some people say women invented sex, or rather, prostitution, which may sound good, but it is in fact the second highest producer of AIDS, beaten only by Africa. (On a related note, women's ability to create or invent anything is limited to putting out babies, which is evident in the lack of patents filed in by women, even after countless millennia of feminist boohaa whining: "if we only got a chance, we would show you, you patriarchal haet machine male establishment". So just shut up and give head.)
According to Dr. Wolfenstein of the Blantzenberg Institute, "women equal holes (and they are stupid)."
Correct Viewpoint
| — Arguecat3, Example of an acceptable woman. |
The viewpoint of most Christians and other normal people who recognize the obvious is that God created "man" in his own image, meaning, with a Dick. Man was lonely, so God created something for him to put his cock in. And (of course) God created something with a womb to make babies. Thus, everyone called the female race "womb-man" because that is their purpose: a womb for babies, and a pleasure hole for the man. They do, of course, have other uses, which range from washing the dishes to drying the dishes to watching life-affirming television. The other major way to use a woman is to rid her vile presence from the planet, in honor of Marc Lépine.
If you do decide to begin a relationship with a woman but are actually using her for a moist place to insert your cock, she will start leading you to insanity and force you to become EXTREMELYemo.
On the other hand if you want to piss a (hot) woman off then the best way to do this is simply just ignore her. Even though a hot woman would never fuck you cuz you're a loser, she still gets mad because she thinks she deserves the attention because she's hot. Women hate it when guys ignore them.
A Real Man's Guide to the Inferior Species
Communicating with a woman
To avoid wasting time to pointless attempts to have logical, intellectually satisfying verbal communication with women, two basic communication techniques depicted here are enough.
Fights with women
Women have "evolved" to have verbal fights with men, so that they can either feel powerful, try to deny a man his rightful use of her vagina or simply because they like drama, losing battles and being revenge-fucked. An interesting article goes on about the many ways men might try to fight back with women, but we all know the proper way is to tell her once, and if that doesn't work, tell her twice, and then send her to the kitchen with two black eyes to make you a fucking sammich.
Obtaining a Woman
The fact that you read this probably means that you have never had sex with a woman. Ever. Here is what you have to do:
- Looks are everything when it comes to women. If you don't look like an androgynous celebrity that's 30 pounds underweight, then... well, you're not getting a woman. Ever.
- If you think women give two shits about personality, you clearly haven't been around very many females. Lose some weight, fatty. Take up anorexia and they might just accept you.
- Get at least a basic sense of fashion and hygiene.
- Women will trade anything for chocolate. The down side is, chocolate will eventually make them fat
- Women like drama, and to get one you might have to pretend like you do too. Like, actually be able to express your emotions, you retard (yes, I know. It's hard. Hang in there, Fabio).
- Women have to be convinced that you are a natural leader before they are willing to have sex with you. Since you most likely aren't, you will have to pretend that you are for at least the 20 first dates, or she will choose someone with actual muscles and actual brains whose personality characteristics are typically summed up by another body part. Thankfully, there is help available.
- Don't be afraid to show your power over her by smacking her around when she steps out of line.
- Dominate her physically. Women (mostly low-self-esteemed-women) like the idea that a guy can't resist getting a little rough with them.
- Remember, women don't like anal sex. They love it.
- On the other hand, you can ignore all of the above if you have money or a big cock. Women fuck anything that pays. All women, not most.
Conclusion: easiest way to get sex is to use either:
- Lots and lots of your hard earned money (you might as well set it aflame because the money grubbing leeches will require all of it just so you can use their vaginas once for a place to put your penis in.) or...
- Just a bit of money. In Vegas. With a hooker. And she will give you better head anyway, being a professional. So don't do 1. Do 2. Cheaper. Better.
The best way to pick up women is show them respect (see video for example):
| Show me your Genitals Show me your Genitals 2 I kill people |
|
Previous Video | Next Video |
Normal Behaviors of women
Once you have found a suitable piece of property, you will need to know about certain attributes they possess, in order to best keep your bitch in line.
- Women may look inside your wallet or any other place they suspect you may have money. You have to nip this in the bud and tell her if you catch her doing this, you will donkey punch her.
- Women may want to watch lifetime channel. BEWARE! If you let them watch this, they may think they're a victim! Dispose of this channel by any means necessary.
- Women are like children and need structure and discipline. They will try to get away with as much as they can, and it is your job to make sure they have structure in their lives.
- If they are of the "educated" / "clever" -breed, they might crave oddities like *rights* (naturally without any obligations attached to those rights) or *power* (naturally without responsibility for the mayhem they cause). Hmmm...this just happened to you? Sorry, can't help bro'. You're screwed. She is the secretary of state now.
- Women are natural freeloaders. Get used to never being appreciated for anything.
- Women also get hyperjealous of anything that brings a man pleasure that is not them (although they deny access to the pleasures they have to offer, that is, hole 1, hole 2 or hole 3). For this reason, they are a leading cause of homosexuality.
- Some women are fans of such boring activities as women's sports (known to the Jews as girl's sports), and they may try to drag you to such events. In such cases, a cunt punch or bitch slap is in order.
Dangers
There are numerous dangers inherent in any dealings with a woman. Apart from the usual dangers of encountering someone who is batshit crazy, the following perils have been observed:
- Under no circumstances do what a woman tells you she wants you to. You have to learn to sense what she wants , not what she says she wants.
- Women lack proper verbal communication skills, lack logic and are incoherent. However, you must in addition of doing 1. above, create an illusion for them that their psychotic incoherent babble has a followable logic. Otherwise they start to cry (see below).
- Many women are Attention Whores, who come with additional dangers.
- Though they don't have souls, they have an inner eye that can see into yours. Once that happens you may be able to fuck but you won't enjoy it. And she'll laugh.
- Women can explode on contact with an incorrectly configured Toilet Seat.
- Through a combination of mind control, drugging and boobies, many women attempt to coerce men into a form of servitude known as the "Friend Zone" or worse; marriage. Marriage is to be avoided at all costs for all involved, as it has all the drawbacks of a girlfriend only with less interesting or no sex.
- Said mind control will permanently turn you into a faggot in no time.
- Women will call the cops if you prove them right too much. To fix this, aim for the back of the head. Cops can't see bruises if they're covered by hair!
- Women are all experts of some type of emotional wizardry, beware.
- Under any circumstances, do not let a woman drive.
- Never ever let them leave the kitchen! (Except if they are crappy cooks, as most of them are nowadays. Let them leave for the sofa, where you can fuck them in 1 or 2. Or 3 (see above).
- Do not let them read Cosmopolitan.
- Do not feed your woman as this will cause her to become fat. Women do not need to eat anyway because they obtain sustenance from attention. (Or sperm. It is high in nutrients. But only if they swallow. All don't.).
- Women suck at video games.
- Crying is a weapon the women commonly use, never give in.
- Prolonged association with a woman will turn you into an hero.
A
mindmouth is a terrible thing to waste.
Fact: There are no girls on the internets.[no citation needed]
There are no girls on the internet no matter what. That girl who wrote your name on her tits for you. Its a dude who can photoshop your name on a pair of tits he found on Google images. Congratulations you sent a picture of your dick to that man.
Girls Bathrooms
What's up with girls' bathrooms? Check it out!
Things to know:
- Girls' bathrooms are big.
- Girls' bathrooms are clean.
- 75% of girls' vaginas are bleeding at any given time.
- Girls' bathrooms are the opposite of your dick.
- Most girls that spend time together have their period at around the same time. This is due to some hormonal telepathy shit that you'd never understand, and is referred to as "French Whorehouse Syndrome". Also, it's just easier to share pads if they go in a herd.
Women like to go in the bathrooms in packs so they can shit at the same time. They then like to talk about teh juicy cock and serious issues . All while releasing their hot steamy piss from their vagina. No lie.
Achievements of Women
The most important thing that a woman has ever done to advance society has been the drawing of the Biting Pear of Salamanca art in the LOL WUT meme. Yes, it was drawn by a woman! That'll make you think twice before using it again... overused pic is indeed overused, in any case.
Also, the idea of a womyn learning from Queers of the Stone Age how to give oral sex was good, since otherwise we would only have fucked men and become extinct. And would not have ED.
Women and Chocolate
A dangerous combination is that of women and chocolate. Women will neglect their duties in bed if given even a tiny bit of chocolate. Be wary men, giving such a substance to a woman will force her into deep orgasms. There are signs to watch out for if your woman is having an affair with chocolate. Is she...
- Neglecting her duties in the bedroom?
- Drooling brown instead of white after an orgasm?
- Watching Ghiradelli commercials while masturbating?
If any of these apply to you and your woman, there are steps to keep your woman on track.
- Throw away all her chocolate stash.
- Show an empty wrapper to her whilst hitting her nose and telling her, firmly and confidently, "No! Bad woman!"
- Make her sleep on the floor until she learns that her behavior is unacceptable.
Quotes
| —Frank Zappa, telling it like it is. |
| —John Lennon, being ironic |
| — The entire Internets, flattery will get you nowhere. |
| —Stuttering Craig |
Videos
| A Documentary of the Stupidity of Women Women Will Make You Facepalm How It's Done Why Women Shouldn't Be Allowed Behind The Wheel Estonians Understand How To Deal With The Feminine Threat Women will eat sentient chocolate beings For pity's sake - never let them drive |
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Gallery
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Delicious Copypasta
I have come to see a link between the rise of women, their increasing rights, involvement in politics, and the feminist movement and the increasing stupidity, perversion of culture, and all around degeneracy in the west. These irrational, pseudo-sentient life forms have done naught but sap the life out of intellectual and powerful men over the last hundred years or so, and we men have made the mistake of brainwashing ourselves to believe that these succubi are actual people. Their whole kind are nothing more than tools for procreation, unfit to live without a patron's approval.
Allow me to make my case.
Women are naturally cowards. I myself have met women who have admitted to me that they and their whole kind are born cowards. They are timid creatures whose emotions overpower their logic and rationality, and they are therefore unfit to lead. Their extreme emotions are triggered by slight and unimportant things, and with these worries they hinder the progress of man. Remember the last time your girlfriend got angry at you for that thing that to this day you have no idea what she was talking about? Imagine that ruling a society or a country. Imagine that fight being with another world leader. Imagine an irrational war because of the errancy of women. I'm glad Hillary lost so that America may live a few years longer.
Mankind used to be male dominated, and with good reason. Women knew their place, and men kept them there. Now, let's look at the achievements in this long period of history. We have such political achievements as the republic and the democracy. We then have technological advancements such as irrigation, the hanging gardens, the printing press, electricity, factories, cars, computers, and now even the internet. We also have such historical achievements like the Neolithic Revolution, the American and French revolutions. We have the great thinkers of history, like Socrates, Aristotle, Boethius, Bacon, Marx, Nietzsche, Borh, and, of course, Einstein. Who do you think was the most intelligent person in history, who could change the way you think, whose infinite wisdom puts this person on level with the gods? He was a man, wasn't he? Back when we were a male dominated society, men did not even love women. Most of the great men of history were gay, only having wives for children. Shakespeare was gay, Da Vinci was gay, to name a few. Men can survive without women (for lack of children, granted). Take modern gay people for example. Why do you think they are so happy? With gene science as it is now, we can make humans effectively enough without women soon enough. Jesus Christ.
Now, let's look at more modern times, shall we? In 1920, women gained the right to vote (oh, and then there was a recession, coincidence? Hardly). Coincidentally, we have not had a good president since the nineteenth century. In 1966, we had a cultural revolution. Great and all, but that's when police and the government became the bad guys. Degeneracy ran wild and became commonly accepted as culture. Then, come 1977, the Feminist movement. That was the death knell of the west as it was formerly known. Since these cum dumpsters decided they were people too, the west has become one grand showing of Dumb and Dumber. We now have what has to be the stupidest couple of generations since the Salem witch trials. We no longer have great philosophers; we no longer have great authors. We have become a nation glued to MTV and teenNICK. Remember G4TV? That's pretty much all of America at this point. And for God's sake, just look at our teenagers. What have we done to let our youth become so terribly corrupted and utterly stupid? To quote Chuck Palahniuk, "We are a generation of men raised by women". We have indeed let ourselves be led astray by the foolish little minds of women.
The fact that what I say, by modern standards, is sexist and therefore bad is further proof that we have been brainwashed. Women have convinced us that they have sufficient mental capacity to feel real emotion and can therefore be "hurt" and that we need to protect them. This is a lie. Now get me something to eat bitch.
This expertly written and thought out critique fails to disguise the fact that the author isn't getting any. <===== Written by a womyn
Also he forgot that early hunter-gatherer society's were matriarchal.
- Everything good = man
- Everything bad = women and MTV
This interesting comment above is written by a woman, and not a person, and is therefore irrelevant.Early hunter-gatherer societies lived like Niggers, and had shitty caves,spears and a fireside to be nagged at the woman. No pubs to live like real men, no chances for getting away. By the time women were put in their places as God had commanded, our society burst at the seams of ingenuity and progress. By the time they shut the fuck up and made us sammiches, the Industrial Revolution had started.
Women are meant to serve men, and nothing else.
See Also
- 16-year-old girl
- Slut
- Dick Masterson
- Man
- Menstrual painting
- Misogyny
- No girls on the internet
- Powerful Women International
- Period
External Links
- A well-thought, open minded essay on women by the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer
- A great feminist website
- Exclusive Photo: Woman Driver Hits Deer, doesn't Notice
- Further proof that women can't do anything right (like play crappy jazz fusion) and lonely youtubers will love them regardless
- Typical TV Show: Wimps Sorry For Controlling Wife's
- Never trust a Thai woman
- The wonderful Maleism Facebook Group. Join NAO!
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