World War I
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
World War I was so long ago that only old people remember what it was about. Sometimes it is referred to jovially as The Sausage War.
Germany's national pride was tied up in its world class sausage producing industry. Some other European countries were tired of Germany's constant bragging about the quality of its sausages and decided to try to develop better ones. The competition grew fierce, and England in particular was keen to triumph. The Great Depression had led to a large surplus of poor unemployed people, even though the depression started 11 years after the war ended (See Haxorz), so there was ample raw material for the booming sausage industry, leading to an overwhelming British victory. Ongoing government policies since then have ensured a steady production of unemployed citizens available for sausage production, ensuring the continuity of the British sausage industry.
Besides the sausage fest between Germany and Britian, the war started when an indie band totally faked their own deaths in the fictional empire, Austria-Hungry. This band is known as Franz Ferdinand. OMG GET IT? LIKE FRANZ FERDINAND IS A BAND BUT ALSO AN ARCHDUKE HOW CLEVER!!!
Russia, before some assholes took over, and France decided that they wanted some of that world famous German sausage for themselves. Unlike it's bigger-budget sequel, WWI has failed to inspire fuckloads of FPS games, largely due to a lack of AK47s and limited Japanese and American involvement.
[edit] Trench Warfare
Trench Warfare, also known as Digging a Hole Warfare, was the idea that if you hid in a hole during a battle, you wouldn't get your face torn off by a cannonball or something sweet like that. It seemed like a good idea at the time. However, everyone just died in worse ways because the army leveled up and invented:
- Machine guns.
- Shitty airplanes.
- FUCKING TANKS!
- Artillery shells that explode and spray poison gas on everyones face.
- Retarded leaders.
- Gas-masks that do nothing, but look cool.
- Blimps (somehow deadly?)
- Razors for the hairy Eurofag women.
So no matter where you were, you were fucked. Everyone dug holes anyway and nobody moved at all for at least 100 years. If anyone got out of the hole they got ripped in half by like, 500 machine guns at once. Eventually the people who stayed put started to get sick and die because they were surrounded by corpses and shit and flesh eating rats and poison gas and mud. So again; fucked. It was the biggest campfest of all time and as a result lead many soldiers to complain on the official forums. After thousands of threads on how unbalanced the tanks were, the developers finally conceded and ended the war, promising a sequel featuring ragdoll physics and improved AI (except for the Jewish faction). Everyone was like "omfg we payed for this gaem.its ours.you can't do this to us.patch 1.6 didn't fix the pathfinding bug!" When asked why they did it,the developers gave a hackneyed response.
[edit] WWI's Crappy Sequel
See WWII. Now with 25% more Nazis. And kick-ass mustache styling
