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World of Warcraft
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
World of Warcraft commonly known as “WoW” is a computer program with drug-like effects created by the nefarious forces of Australia At least 100 years ago. World of Warcraft can also be described as an online role-playing game, a simulated and persistent world where fat greasy nerds,usually weighing over 9000 pounds, kill internet dragons for pretend money and experience points, making them strong enough to kill bigger internet dragons. Trapped in this cycle, they play in their parents' basements longer than an Australian daughter, emerging only 8 hours per week to tell the world about their newest magical weapons and arena levels. WoW players thus hide behind the illusion of "self worth".
[edit] Game
After installing patches for days, you can now make a character. Ranging from fugly Night Elves to the even fuglier Tauren. Then you can choose eight classes, all of which are both broken and overpowered. No matter what you rolled, you will be told you have failed. Which you have, really, for picking this game over something fun.
After that jive, you get a quick introduction and your first quest. By the time you turn that quest in and get the second, you'll quickly realize what you'll be doing the majority of the game. Seriously.
Your virtual You gains experience by questing (killing the same 10 monsters over and over for experience), grinding (killing the same 10 monsters over and over for experience), or just being lazy and following someone around 'Leeching' (watching them kill the same 10 monsters over and over for experience). This involves venturing through eight surreal worlds with Fel-Demons and Demons and Fel-Demon-Fels. Originality is slated for "soon."
Now if you have bothered to do this for a week straight, you are now level 70. At 70, players must join large groups called "guilds" to defeat the most difficult monsters. This is called raiding. Raiding guilds are filled with broken, socially-stunted virgins who spend 24 hours a day going through the same 6 dungeons, all for a small chance at a meager upgrade. Needless to say, the possibilities for lulz and drama are vast. 1 2 3 4
[edit] How to Succeed at World of Warcraft
1. Don't buy or play World of Warcraft.
2. That's it. You win. Congratulations.
3. ????
4. Profit!
[edit] Races
The World of Warcraft delivers a plethora of fictional races to escape your depressing existence:
[edit] The Alliance
The Alliance mainly consists of immature players under 13, so usually it's the over-played faction. There's very little cooperation and everyone's a fucking Night Elf. Players choose this also because its the only "pretty" race where one doesn't have to feel like the failure fat fuck cake they really are IRL. Additionally, Alliance PvP is a guaranteed loss, as every player will run around on their own and shouts out insane commands. Real winners.
- Humans - The only available race where players can feel safe without having to know they aren't some retarded mutant like in IRL. The staple race of noobs.
- Dwarves - Angry and short drunken Scottish-type men on steroids. These are played by people who like to have big beards and tiny heads. Perhaps the only good race, relatively.
- Gnomes - This race is commonly played by 13-year-old boys who spend all day PvPing instead of graduating middle school.
- Night Elves - The whores of the warcraft world, closely modeled off of real whores, and the closest thing Blizzard has gotten to anime in order to increase sales due to all the stupid Naruto fanboys out there. Mostly played as female by men to get attention from other men and epic lewt under the guise of being a hot myspace whore.
- Draenei -The new expansion race gives the Alliance big blue niggers with penis-tails as their beard.
[edit] The Horde
This side is basically furries and 15-year-old boys who want to be TOTALLY SERIOUS BUSINESS. But they're all fucking idiots too, on both sides. Most of these serious Horde players act like they were paid to play it and harp on people in Ventrilo to not use swear words. If you wish to be invisible in PvP, roll a healing class and you will never be attacked by Alliance. This is because killing the healer first is a valid strategy, but since Alliance is fucktarded, Horde healers are immortal and invisible at the same time.
- Orcs - Orcs are big, have an out of the ordinary skin color, and prone to anally rape small moving things with battle axes. Players who use this race are whiter than white.
- Trolls - No one plays these anymore. They are like srs online trolls. These motherfuckers have tusks the size of a black penis on their face and ride raptors. They also like to get high off of a substance called mojo.
- Undead - Goths use these, period. Just start smoking Djarum Blacks now.
- Tauren - This race is the ideal race for furries. The
malesrace is mainly played byarefurry fat men IRL, while the female tauren arealmostALWAYS played by fatwomenmen. - Blood Elves Created to make both sides have a ridiculous elf for fat faggots to be. The males look like a cross between rejected Sephiroth/Dragonball Z fanart and the females are anorexic bitches. Catering to gaiafags and weeaboos, they give their precious snowflakes KAWAII Japanese names they carefully copied and spelled out from anime websites more than half the time. About 18 seconds after they were released some faggot thought it would be original to name his Blood Elf "Legolas." Since then, every fucking moron has tried to do the same thing.
[edit] Classes
After choosing a race, the player is given the choice of what class they should choose for their character, they range from Pope to Bear-fucker:
- Warrior- All you do is melee combat things for countless hours of your life, nothing more. No one will accept you to do anything but be a tank, sorry Fury Warriors!
- Paladin- The first class available to every player who just bought the game. You can be strong AND heal yourself! It's the Pope with a stallion cock. You are trapped as a meat shield or healer, so no DPS for you.
- Hunter- You capture poor, defenseless animals and make them your slave. It's also the base of every argument on thottbot.com to dictate that every weapon is a "Hunter Weapon".
- Priest- The whiny healing bitch. Played only by people who like to attend 80 man raids on a finicky AOL connection.
- Mage- Only for making food and water for the Koreans, serves as a dispenser.
- Shaman- You will be relied on to FROST SHOCK and drop totems. Totems. Totems. That's it.
- Druid- The race where you can become MOAR FURRY, or otherwise just serve as another healing bitch.
- Warlock- Like Hunters, but satanic. If you enjoy not needing an ounce of skill, warlockery is for you. Requires being able to hit five buttons, those wacky warlocks! Usually played by trenchcoat-wearing goth sodomites.
- Rogue- These are the official backstabbing whores of the game, this class is usually played be stupid hyperactive basement dwellers who forgot to take their pills. They are also enormous control freaks who will do anything to complain about their class, even though they are by far the most powerful. 99% of the population of WoW.
- Leeroy Jenkins- Perhaps the best class of the game, Leeroy Jenkins are professional trolls in for the lulz. To be released in EXPANSION NINE: WE ARE ON THE MOON.
[edit] WoW "celebrities"
A WoW celebrity is someone who constantly craves attention in the WoW universe because he/she/it knows they fail hard. Either by saying random stuff, typing like this: lolz i r the prince of da serva, trolling the forums, or just plain being faggots. There are ones on every server, and that is why they invented the Ignore console. Lecturing anyone in the game results in losing the game so don't even try.
WoW forum "trolls" are a unique brand of mouth breathing fucktards. Unawares that outside of the safe haven of their mothers' collective basement, they serve as a reminder that you could be worse off in life. Evidence that post-natal abortion should be legalized.
[edit] Celebrity Endorsements
Shitner endorsing that hes a fat cow that hurls lighting out of his ass
Mr. T is apparantly t3h l33t H@x0r king of W.O.W
A gimp being playing as a gimp.
[edit] Sex
Although WoWers never engage in sex IRL, they often “Pwn” or “gank” each other within the game when not standing around cities shouting "LFG..." or "WTS...". PVP has become such a dominant force in WoW that new PVP servers are being opened all the time, including RP-PVP servers.
One of the reasons WoWers abstain from sex is that they prefer to be with “their own kind”, but since WoWers rarely leave their homes (Busy with the srs biz raiding this is thought to be a filthy lie. In short, it's better that they don't breed.
[edit] Porn
Take your pick:
- Horrific live-action WoW porn
- Horrific drawn WoW porn
[edit] 'Ginas Not Wanted
"Due to our history and experience we've had with female gamers, we currently do not recruit players that lack a p-ness. This can be taken another way but in this case, we mean litterally lack there-of. Some of you may think this is sexist, but you have to understand, when you put a female in a organization with a bunch of sex deprived World of Warcraft nerds, their hormones get the best of them. Women in World of Warcraft guilds cause more drama than TNT and this is a no-drama organization. If you do, in fact, have a gina, then VANQUISH is definately not for you." [1]
[edit] Blizzcon, Also Where Nobody Gets Laid
Occasionally WoW players will leave their homes for what the blue names call “Blizzcon”, and what WoW players call "5\/\/337 d00d". Here, a large number of "WoW patients" can be seen. Their complications are diverse - ranging from mild conditions such Carpal Tunnel and Leetspeak, to a severe case of ugly.
Sometimes attractive people can be seen at a Blizzcon claiming to be WoW players. These are not really WoW players; they are models paid by Blizzard to appear at these pathetic vomit-inducing functions.
The only reason to go to this convention is to seal the deal on finally quitting WoW, realizing that these are the horrible people you have been playing with.
[edit] Masturbation
Both the female Night Elf and Gnome were endowed with highly stimulating dances, causing some people to simply jerk off all over themselves and become even more inclined to pay that 10 Bux. WoW is also a haven for retarded furries and their lurid erotic fanfiction.
Oh dear God.
[edit] Roleplaying Servers
Roleplaying servers are hotbeds of man-on-man internet sex, thinly disguised as heterosexual or lesbian relations through the power of the internets. When a nerd just cannot sit down with himself and come to terms with the fact that he is most likely cybering other men, he turns to roleplaying servers so that he can pretend better. Roleplaying servers spawn such people as Adella and her many sugar daddies. These servers have also spawned communities, usually full of former EverQuest players. All roleplayers are insatiable drama whores with no lives.
Since only Blizzard employees and people with VIP accounts can use the command to make the characters rape everyone else, they use addons such as FagRSP to advertise to each other their willingness to mate. It's something like IRL gays posting pictures of their cocks on Hotornot, but with much more abuse of the English language. Some argue FagRSP users are the greatest source of drama and lulz in the game, and one person has continued to milk the lol-cow, much to the delight of lulz enthusiasts.
Darknest is also based around the pathetic faggots who beat off to naked night elves dancing on mail boxes. While there are many ERP (Erotic Role Play) guilds on many servers, Scarlet Crusade is known to have the highest population of these unwashed losers. If you play on that server you (or move to that server after reading this) you're a faggot and need to be euthanized.
[edit] Auction House
Where you come to buy katanas and ninja stars, like eBay or Home Shopping Network. Generally a place where you spend your Jewgolds to buy shit you don't need.
If you feel the need for lulz, be sure to put up shit people need without buyout. Then pull it off the auction house before it sells -- This is essentially the closest any WoW player gets to the transfer of goods between consenting individuals.
[edit] Addiction
Sufferers of the WoW addiction commonly refer to themselves as “WoWers” “GamerZ” or in the most severe cases as “Alliance” or “Horde”. “Alliance” and “Horde” are synonyms for sexual roles. There is much debate in the WoW community over which of the two is the “top” or “bottom”.
WoW addiction goes through several phases, similar to the psychobiological phases of chemical drug addictions. This should comes as no surprise, as the Blizzard employees are reportedly paid in Crack. WoW takes several steps beyond mundane addictions, with increasingly unstable behavior. If you have a friend or colleague whom you suspect of being a WoW addict, it is important to carefully gauge their level of addiction before taking any other action.
- Check their room for a “WoW” box, subscription card, or wrist brace. Often early signs such as this can make all the difference, since while it's unlikely they will be cured, you can take action to prevent friends and loved ones from being infected.
- If you happen to walk in on a WoWer during on of their sessions, (as is most likely the case since that’s about all they ever do), DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT, interrupt the game. He may try to gank you with his replica sword he got at the Renfaire.
- It's entirely possible that you may catch a WoWer during an intense masturbation session (typically mid-cyber in the tram). You have been warned.
- From bank statements, see if they're buying from Chinese gold farmers. If you find this to be the case, you can be sure their addiction has taken precedence over any other financial considerations, and should immediately remove any items of value from anywhere in the area. Don't worry, they'll be too busy grinding to stop you.
- Severe addicts will commonly be in the habit of shitting in socks so as not to leave ones seat and thus get ganked by some level 23 loser. These hopeless cases are referred to as poopsockers, and should be terminated with extreme prejudice.
There are but three cures for WoW addiction:
- Their self extermination. Preferably through fire.
- Assisted extermination by a merciful soul. Preferably though fire.
- Having a shred of willpower, and selling your account for Many real dollars to some more-addicted sucker. Then you can buy Delicious Cake.
Players spend countless hours over this game. It will be hard to break them of their addiction, but at least if they kill themselves you can Lysol their PC down and sell it.
As you can probably see from below, this young man has thrown away every outlet of his life so he can be a dickhead/male media whore. (Dracoda from Draenor server). Brought to you by the extensive, non-biased journalism courtesy of A Current Affair.
[edit] Side Effects
Prolonged use of World of Warcraft causes many effects. In Men, their testicles slowly recede into their body, then make their way up into their mouth. A small sack is dropped on the roof of the mouth, and the balls slowly fall into that sack. In female players, Testosterone is built up and testicles form above the roof of the mouth. Therefore, everyone who plays World of Warcraft prolonged constantly sucks balls.
[edit] Slavery
Modern slavery is known as "Gold Farming" and is intended to keep the Yellow menace down. When the United States banned slavery, it was a very sad time for slave owners. Later, the niggers started to demand reparations, so something simply had to be done. The Man decided that slavery had to be moved offshore, to ensure continued economic prosperity for Microsoft.
Farming has been around since before the internet, but nobody could ever figure out how to grow money until Ultima Online was invented. It isn't known who made the initial breakthrough, but it's thought that Alan Greenspan's lackeys were primarily responsible, since only they could have conceived of such a brilliantly sick and perverse means of enriching themselves. However, the advent of the practice was probably inevitable, since despite their addiction, WoWers often find themselves unable to play 24 hours a day and must find another way to continue while they sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom. So, for $0.50 per hour, a barely-educated commie living in a sweaty room will play WoW for them. Needless to say, the commie himself earns roughly $0.05 per week.
Sometimes it's difficult for players to distinguish the gold-field workers from monkeys or robots. They often repeat the same mistakes and speak gibberish (like monkeys!) Work is being done to translate some of their moonspeak. Know your Chinaman by these phrases:
"ni hao" "[Krol Blade] ok??" "water 1g?" "is 4 guildie" "deal giev ok??10g" "tusoNgaMe $5 4 2thousand free!"
The ones who speak English become the "boss boss" and take all the money, while the slaves do all the work.
For more information, check out this Chinese gold farmer documentary made by actual gold farmers. (link dead ;_;)
[edit] On Private Servers
Private servers are available for poor people, and unemployed losers that can't/won't pay $15 per month for the retail version. Most servers feature larger numbers of item drops from monsters and higher rates of experience, because everyone knows that a 13-year-old boy that thought about it for 10 minutes knows about gameplay and balance better than Blizzard's professional staff who spent years developing the game.
The big downside of private servers is that no one that runs a private server actually knows shit about how the game works, so they make changes by letting their cat walk on their keyboard to see what happens. While some cats are known to be excellent administrators, most of them are still just retarded. Nyoro~n :3
[edit] RuneScape Vs. World of Warcraft
'Scapists & WoWers often debate which of their faggoty little games is better with the same level of rage & intensity as Yankees & Red Sox fans. They fail to realize that both are pretty epic fail.
[edit] #ed talks about wow
[17:11:08] <hep> when you live on a desert planet you come back and tell me about whats cruel and what isnt [17:11:12] <colin> dune? dat shit be mad gay [17:11:16] <@feem> true [17:11:19] <hep> i LOVE them [17:11:21] <hep> they were the best [17:11:26] <@feem> tleilaxu are fucking hot [17:11:28] <hep> yeah [17:11:28] <hep> rgree [17:11:40] <hep> imma reread [17:11:43] <hep> time 2 warez [17:11:44] <@feem> i played a bene tleilax on one of the dunemushes back in like 1995-96 [17:11:44] -> *nickserv* sup? [17:11:45] ->> nickserv :No such nick/channel [17:11:47] <@feem> it was lol [17:11:51] <hep> ok now you are talking fgtry [17:11:53] <hep> MUSHes? [17:11:53] <hep> COME ON [17:11:57] <@feem> we had total control over the landsraad [17:11:59] <@feem> DUDE [17:12:02] <@feem> WE OWNED THE LANDSRAAD [17:12:03] <hep> I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MUSHIN G [17:12:07] <hep> WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY WOW GAME? [17:12:11] <@ajt> Oh shit [17:12:16] <hep> IM A LEVEL 60 WARLOCK DUDE [17:12:16] <@feem> THE LANDSRAAD WERE MY BITCHES [17:12:16] <%eppigy> lol [17:12:19] <hep> FULLY EPICED OUT [17:12:21] <hep> THIS ONE TIME [17:12:24] <%eppigy> lolol [17:12:26] <hep> WE WERE RAIDING STORMWIND [17:12:28] <hep> IT WAS FKN AWESOME [17:12:32] <januszeal> LOL [17:12:35] <hep> WE WERE OWNING THOSE ALLY BITCHES RIGHT AND LEFT [17:12:36] <@feem> ONE TIME I HAD A GUY WHO WAS TRIYNG TO INVOKE KANLY ON SOME GESSERIT BITCHES [17:12:39] <hep> I HAD TOTALY CONTROL OF UR MOM [17:12:42] <@feem> AND THEY WERE FUCKING CLAIMING RITE OF FIRST PASSAGE [17:12:53] <hep> YEAH AND THE THIS TIME THEY TRIED TO RAID UNDERCITY [17:12:55] <hep> IT WAS SO LOL [17:13:01] <hep> WE CAUGHT THEM UP AT THE ELEVATORS [17:13:09] <@feem> AND WE KILLED THEIR HONORED MATRON AND REPLACED HER WITH A FACE DANCER [17:13:10] <hep> AND THREW SNOWBALLS AT THEM [17:13:12] <hep> ON THE WAY DOWN [17:13:15] <hep> SO THEY WOULD GET KNOCKED [17:13:18] <hep> AND STUCK UNDERNEATH [17:13:19] <hep> AND DIE [17:13:20] <@feem> AND LET THE FACE DANCER TAKE THE FALL [17:13:21] <hep> OH MAN IT WAS SO LOL [17:13:24] <hep> THEN THIS ONE TIME [17:13:26] <hep> AT BANDCAMP [17:13:27] <hep> oh wiat [17:13:30] <@feem> SO THAT WE COULD PROMOTE OUR LESSER MATRON [17:13:46] <@feem> WE OWNED THE LANDSRAAD AND THE GESSERIT AND THE FUCKING IMPERIAL COURT [17:13:52] <@feem> and then i raped god. [17:13:53] <@feem> the end
[edit] PVP Arena Drama Thread
On the WoW Forums, lots of drama exploded when a priest on a server accused another priest of "cheating" by playing the game while the other was not online in order to get the "Merciless Gladiator" title above his online character's name. It turned into a 25 page dramafest, causing lots of people with real lives to laugh hysterically. *link
Realzz being butthurt and starting the drama
| —Realzz, being butthurt and starting the drama |
On asking why this is a thread:
| —Satya |
Reallz accusing another priest of "throwing" a match on an internet game.
| —Realzz, accusing another priest of "throwing" a match on an internet game |
Noxn angry about lying about wearing a type of pixil gear while logged into the game.
| —Noxn, angry about another player lying about wearing gear while in the game |
Realzz admitting he lied about wearing a type of gear he said he wouldn't wear, but thought the other guy wouldn't notice.
| —Realzz, admitting he lied about wearing the gear he said he wouldn't but said he thought the other guy wouldn't notice |
[edit] Trolling Techniques
These generate various effects, some bring lulz and some just fail. Experiment and find your own lulz.
1) Join a server with a trial account and make a human, for maximum noob trolling.
2) Set auto follow on new players, for whatever reason this really pisses people off.
3) Spam the trade channel (2) with pointless crap that has nothing to do with trade whatsoever. (This is done forever with or without trolls)
4) Go into any major city and beg for 28 silver, no more, no less.
5) Join parties for dungeons as a healer and then leave about halfway through.
6) Lead a party into an instance and then randomly boot players from it.
7) Spam into the general chat (1) looking for "LOOKING FOR QUEST GIVER!" while you're standing right in front of one.
8)Copypasta annoying songs in trade channel.
9)Start listing the name of movies with "Murloc" in the title like Indianan Murloc and the temple of doom or Debbie Does Murloc
10)Talk about Chuck Norris.
11) ????
12) Profit!
[edit] See also
- Adella
- Darknest
- DJ SkeptiK
- DotA
- Durthas
- Elendril
- Elitemaiden
- Everquest and EQ2Flames
- Gilgamesh
- Jammno
- Jennichelle
- The King of Spades
- LARP
- ROKKED - WOW fags fall in love
- Leeroy Jenkins
- Maxamundi
- Nerd
- Owlsamantha
- South Park
- T3h tom
- Murloc
[edit] Links
- Rotten Apples: The worst lusers in Warcraft getting what they deserve
- Sign up for Wrath of the Lich King Beta here.
| World of Warcraft is part of a series on MMORPGs | Information
MMORPGs Age of Conan | City of Heroes | Conquer Online | DAoC | Everquest | Final Fantasy XI | FlyFF | Guild Wars | Lineage 2 | Maple Story | Pangya | Ragnarok Online | RuneScape | Silkroad Online | Wikipedia | World of Warcraft Semi-MMORPGs Endless Online | Graal | Kingdom of Loathing | Progress Quest | Tibia | Toontown |
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World of Warcraft is part of a series on Gaming. |
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