My Immortal

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“ 		 
Do not read this. I did, and not only did my computer crash, but it also made me cry.
  		„
 

—Anon.

Poster for the upcoming film based on this crap.
Poster for the upcoming film based on this crap.

My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad Harry Potter fan fiction ever written, featuring the blatant Mary-Sue, Ebony (or often times Enoby). It received at least 100 reviews in just one year. Written by retard girl Tara Gilesbie, reading it is about as appealing as shoving your head into Goatse's ass. A movie has been made based on the book(?), which is A plus and should be watched.

Tara's fanfiction.net account was hijacked on November 21, 2006. Her last update of MI was on July 5, 2007. She is on vacation in England and the US. My Immortal has taken over 9000 days to write so far. The story has not been updated in 224, and Tara has not posted a chapter for 371 days. That means Tara has written 5 chapters in the duration of a little more than an entire year, and she wrote 38 chapters in 118 days. But that's ok. She's been busy. Her spelling has improved a little. But only a little.

UPDATE- Tara has apparently learned how to use a spellchecker. As such, the story is now filled with significantly less lulz. Actually, some haxx0r is to blame for this improvement in grammar and decrease in lulz.

Contents

[edit] Plot

Imagine taking a huge shit, then eating it, then puking it back up, then eating the puke and shitting that out. You have just imagined the plot of My Immortal. Don't believe me? Read all 44 chapters for yourself.

[edit] Characters

Even Microsoft Word says that My Immortal contains too many spelling and grammar errors.
Even Microsoft Word says that My Immortal contains too many spelling and grammar errors.

[edit] Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

The ingenue of the story, a totally GOFFIK Mary-Sue of biblical proportions. She is the main character of this sue.
Ebony's immense GOFFIKness leads Fanfiction.net to display its ads accordingly.
Ebony's immense GOFFIKness leads Fanfiction.net to display its ads accordingly.

Name Origin: Her first name "Ebony" comes from the fact that she has black hair. The origin of her first middle name, Dark'ness is unknown but it is supposed to be from the fact that she is a "dark" character. Her next middle name, Dementia most likely comes from the disease. The name "Raven" most likely comes from the name of Tara's friend. The last name probably came from Gerard Way, someone she claims she was related to because he is sexy. That's right, apparently Tara's crushes are more valid if they're on a blood relative. Her "middle middle middle" name Raven changed to Tara when Raven srsly stole Taras 'sweter' IRL what a poser.

From chapter one we were quite sure that her name is "Ebony" as it is a more common name than Enoby yet we were confused about this when Tara posted chapter four, which begins with:

"I sez stup flaming okiez?// ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mury su OK!"

There you have it. Enoby is so nut a mury su.

Appearance: Just read the first chapter. That's seriously all it's about.

Hobbies: Ebony's hobbies include slitting her wrists, crying "tears of blood" or crying "sexily" and doing it with people. Actually, just Draco Malfoy. She also enjoys french kissing people. She also has a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666. She also fantasizes about incest with emo goffik Gerard Way.

[edit] Draco Malfoy

OOC (out of character). Is now a bisexual goth who puts "his boy's thingie into her you-know-what" and "does it for the first time" with Enoby. Has a really big "you-know-what" with a dork mark on it and everything.

"He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko."
"He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko."

[edit] Harry "Vampire" Potter

OOC. Is now a bisexual goth who seduces Draco to cheat on Enoby with him. His characteristic lightning bolt scar has been changed into a pentagram with the help of Diabolo/Ron, but he always covers it up with foundation. [cuz make up on guys is so hawt, amirite?]

[edit] Dumbledore

OOC. (mostly known as Dumblydor) Has Alzheimers and headaches and curses his students to hell whenever he feels like it (paticularly when he catches them having teh sex in the Forbidden Forest). Dumblydore is also commonly known for flying on his broomstick through cooridors, wearing black robes with Avril Lavigne on them, calling the Hogwarts students "GOFFS" and he owns a large collection of polos from American Eagle (What a fucking poser).

[edit] Voldamort/Voldemint/Volfemort/Vlodemort [sic]

OOC. Has a tendency to get a "dud-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and recruits Enoby and Draco somewhere around chapter ten. He does this by giving her a piece and telling her to pop a cap in Harry's head. Seriously, why was this never tried before? Fuck magic, when you can have a bullet! Because he is a sinister villain, he speaks in Old English, using words like "thou" and "hath", which makes him sound like a genuine idiot with a speech impediment (a quality he shares with the author). He prefers wearing high heels.

[edit] Hagrid

Most commonly known as "Hargrid", though he has also been known as "Hairgrid" on occasion. Hargrid may be just a little Hogwarts student, but he is also a Satanist:

"'I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly."

He's also in love with Ebony, making him a huge, gigantic pedophile (literally).

Even Google says that My Immortal is the worst fanfic ever written.
Even Google says that My Immortal is the worst fanfic ever written.

[edit] McGonagall

Has apparently changed her name to "McGoonigal", "McGoogle" or "McGoggle", which probably means, "Scottish scuba-diver". Her favorite thing to do is yell at people and call them "horny simpletons".

[edit] B'loody Mary Smith/Hermione

OOC. After she realized that she was kidnapped as a child, and that her real last name was Smith, she was transfered to Slytherin. She is also a member of the band Bloody Roses 666, the most emo/poser band around. But don't let that fool you, she worships Satan (AKA Voldimint) just like the rest of them.

[edit] Lupin

He never goes by the name of Lupin, but prefers the alias "Loopin" or "Lumpkin" instead, so the child predator police can't catch him. He's a disgusting pervert/pedophile and his hobbies include chewing on porn tapes, "masticating" on broomsticks, doing the dirty with Snape and asking Enoby if he can burrow a condemn from her to do it with Snoop/Snip/Snap/Snake.

[edit] Snape/Snap/Snip

A crazed fetishist who masturbates over Enoby/Ebony/Enony/Enobby, while simultaneously being a homosexual and getting it on loopy Loopin. A prep, oddly, who was the most goffick character in the books. "Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!" Actually, the young Harry Potter Fangirls reading didn't know what, and the author had to explain. Lulz ensued.

[edit] The Author

Her name (which has multiple variations in spelling) is commonly agreed upon as Tara Gilesbie. She is Gothic to the extreme. You know she's Gothic because she's posted a petition to declare herself a Goth because she took an online quiz and she also shops at places like Hot Topic and wears black all the time, because all Goths wear black and shop at Hot Topic to get their overpriced, low-quality, pre-packaged subculture paraphernalia. Duuuuuuuuuuuh.

As of now, it is unknown whether or not Tara is a troll. But it can be said that if she is a troll, she is one of the most meticulous, realistic trolls ever to exist. Her story has a chronological story of her best friend and she got into an enormous fight dealing with a Gerard Way poster or some bullshit like that -- all in the author's notes. She even has a LiveJournal [1] that she never updates! Some also speculate that she wrote Camp rock. Judging by the writing skills of the movie, it is highly believable.

If she isn't a troll, I will be first in line to buy a semi-automatic with which to blow my brains out.

Image:Taramotivator.jpg

[edit] Memorable Quotes

OMFG REPORTED!
OMFG REPORTED!
  • "Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache. “What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”
  • "Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James.
  • "Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u)."
  • “No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”
  • “Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NAO!”
  • "Volfemort has him bondage!”"
  • "Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked."
  • "They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
  • "Who MASTABATED to it!"
  • "“Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!”"
  • "Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing."
  • "“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?”"
  • "dUMBLydore lookd shockd."
  • "“Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way."
  • "“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” "
  • "“OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites."
  • "Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” "
  • "He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemprt’s lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!” It was……………………………….. Voldemort!"

  • "We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was."
  • "Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us"
  • "“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”"
  • "I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!"
  • "“Enoby I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. "
  • "We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! "
  • "“BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” "
  • "We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
  • "B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed."
  • "Hargird kept shooting at us... cum"
  • "And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys."
  • "“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) "
  • "I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."
  • "Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots."
  • "“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo."
  • "Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1"
  • ""He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me?"
  • "He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it."
  • Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
  • "He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
  • "I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive."
  • "Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111"
There's nothing scrayer than "viower excretion."
There's nothing scrayer than "viower excretion."
  • “omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.”
  • "I laffed statistically"
  • "People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR."

"I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak)" 

 - Tara, apparently unaware that Evnaescence are a christian band. Also, a shit one.
  • "Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook"
  • "I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued"
  • "He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
  • "Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 (Marty McFly?!) He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans."
  • “STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck. “He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”
  • “Oh my fuking satan!1”
  • "I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes "
  • “Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket." (Point of view change!)
  • “But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!
  • "'Yah siriusly.' I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily."
  • "They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag."
  • "Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married." (The hacked chapter 39)
If anyone cares,This car must be fast because it has 3 spoilers.
If anyone cares,This car must be fast because it has 3 spoilers.
  • "...I asked gothikally."
  • “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

“U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily.

“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s.

“No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1).

  • "I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out."
  • "I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears."
  • "“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR."
  • " I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC."
  • "And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
  • "I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face."
  • "“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice."
  • "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”"

  • "I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times..."
  • "I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said……………………… “Tara, I see drak times are near.” She said badly."
  • “Hey BTW my name’s ebondy dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?”
  • "We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
  • "I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
  • “ABRA KEDABRA!!11111” I shooted."
  • “Oh my satan!1” we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily."
  • "I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces..."
  • We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.
  • "“OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep."
  • "Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way."
  • "Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
  • "“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb."
  • "Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly."
  • "Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent."
  • "Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. "
  • "“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. "
  • "“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away."
  • "“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”"
  • "I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
  • "They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it."
  • "And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand."
  • A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree.
  • Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”
  • “Cum on Enoby.” said Proffesor Sinatra.
  • He was hung lik a stallone.
  • “CUM NOW!1!” Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.
  • She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it.
  • Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly
  • He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire.
  • “Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
  • she started to cry black tears of depression.
  • “I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”
  • “Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”
  • “Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.”
  • “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums”
  • “Oh my fukking god!! Voldimort! Voldimort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s.
  • "(geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth)."


  • Enoby in the past:

"“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)

“omg me too!” I replied happily.

“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.

“hogsment?” I asked.

“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“

‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned."

NO U
NO U
lolwut
lolwut

[edit] IT'S OVER 10,000!!!!

Yes, it's true. My Immortal has recieved over 10,000 reviews, srsly. However, close inspection has shown the majority of these are flames and trolling attempts. Good work, Anon.

Examples of the win:

 
“ 		 
Wow. Can I firstly say that you FAIL at life. Now that's over;

What kind of a thoughtless malformed freak are you? A donkey's ASS could write better than this! If you can call this piece of SHIT "writing" at all! WTF is this GAWWFICK LOL shit? Nobody gives a flying fucktard about whether you're wearing a pentagram on your fat ARSE. Dark misery? Unneeded CAPitaliZATtion? White Foundation? VAMPIRE POTTER? This has FAIL written all over it, you sad waste of space. Since when in the creation of all that is GOOD in the world, did the English spell it COLOR you miserable American freak? In CASE you didn't fucking realise the book is set in ENGLAND you sad fucktard, not in AMERICA, so yes no wonder he has A FECKKIN ENGLISH ACCENT, but forgive me I suppose you were too busy SLITTING YOUR WRISTS while you READ A BOOK. NO YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO YOUR GAWFICC LOL FRIENDS ON YOUR MOBILE, you are supposedly writing a STORY. Despite the fact that this website and moreover YOUR PAGE is filled with DUNG, your pile of shit reeks the worst. Nobody cares about what your Emo Mary-Sue, Evony, Ebony, Enoby, Enobyy Yobby, Dobby, or whatever the hell her name was wears in the bloody morning. Nobody GIVES A SHIT. Now get the FUCK off this site you worthless pile of CRAP. I could go ON AND ON and happily WOULD go on and on but unlike you dear paedophile, I have a LIFE.

And if you are going to write yiff, furfag, then I reccomend you do it properly. Also w'e d'o 'no't' n'eed' 'fuck'in'g 'ap'os'tro'p'h'i'e's' eve'ry' f'u'ck'ing word' dip's'h'it.

Congratulations, you've been TROLLED.

As a prize we happily SHIT on you and Give you a dictionary..
 

„
 

—GiveItUp Does it Epic Win Style


 
“ 		 
I can honestly say the 'reviews' for this travesty of a fanfic are way more entertaining than the story itself.
  		„
 

— Preach it, Lady Whitehart

 
“ 		 
Wow, I have to say this...WOW. This story was all over the place: in a bad way. You need to improve your grammer BAD. Get rid of your da(m)n Mary Sue bitchy gothic fake girls, and write longer, better chapters. Or better yet, stop writing. I'm sick of little twelve year olds clogging up this site with absolute shitt like yours. Please stop writing. The only reason you have reviews is because this story literally sucks that bad. I am a beta, I know what I'm talking about here.

I'm sorry, but your story is just downright awful. And please SHUTUP with all of that gothic vampire shitt. It's getting so annoying. You spend practically the whole chapter writing about Ebony Dark Bitchy What's Her Name's wardrobe and makeup than anything else. Also, stop making Harry Potter characters fawn over you- in real life you would be shitt on their shoes. DRACO DOESN'T LIKE YOU. He wouldn't in a book, on TV, nor in real life.

Just stop writing, because frankly, you are too unbearably annoying for words. And shut the fu(c)k up about preps already you stupid little girlie bi(t)ch. I am fuckkin sick of you saying "I hate preps, blah blah blah..." Cuz get what bi(t)ch? I am one. I don't give a flying fart whether you fuckinn shop at hot topic. Who gives a fuckinn shit. Get a life, get some friends, and shut up. Maybe if you actually stopped fantasizing about Harry Potter boys and writing crappy stories and went out and made some real friends and stopped acting like some fu(c)king weirdo psycho (b)itch, you wouldn't hate preps. I HATE idiots like you. And may I say something. You are not, and never WILL be, a vampire
 

„
 

—FOR THE WIN, WhimsicalSoul!

 
“ 		 
Stop writing. Never write again, unless you take lessons on how to write. This isn't meant to be offensive. You need to take writing lessons.

On a separate note, a question to someone who might be reading reviews. Is "circumamcizing" a combination of circumcise and circumnavigate? I can't figure it out.
 

„
 

—Good advice is seldom followed, Penguin God.


 
“ 		 
I find this story, I don't even think it classifies as a story, painful to read and it's also a waste of bandwidth. I could hardly get through the first three chapters before I felt like gouging out my eyes with a frozen spoon. It literally hurts to read whatever it is that this is classified.

Try to actually spell the words instead of typing like your texting someone. If you're going to use people who are actually in stories and movies and such, spell their damned names right. Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way? Really now? You can't even spell the main characters name right. Dementia? Her middle name is a disease?! Wow, cool! Because you know all "Goffik" kids are named Dementia, Alzheimer's, and Syphilis. Try looking up actual names for once. I actually have one for you... Mary-Sue.
 

„
 

—Sarcastic Criticism, K. E. Knight


 
“ 		 
Well, I read the whole thing. after the first chapter, I think i threw up a little in my mouth. After ch 5, I had no food left in me. Your spelling and grammer make retards cry, (Did you write this on a fuckin' cell phone for Chrissake? and latin stand off?? Gimme a break) your characters are contrived an unrealistic, (YES Princess, Ebony does dress like a complete poser slut. And who spends all that time putting on clothes and makeup before a fight?) you've bastardized well-established characters with your own pathetic style that is so obviously made of scraps of other people's, (Dumbledore, or Dumblydor if you prefer, wears it too? C'mon, seriously!) the only people who even like this story are either your personal friends or extrememly shitty writers themselves, (And nobody in the real world gives asspats, sweetheart.) and you completely ignore the laws of physics. (Cameras would NOT work in Hogwarts, Ebony or Enoby or Mary Sue or whatever her name is, s(h)ouldn't CARRY enough ammunition for shooting someone a gazillion times. And for neither of them to die means sheès such a poor shot that she deserves to die.)

Congradgulations, youève earned the business end of Cid Highwinds spear. ED was right about this. And no amount of calling me a prep or saying "ur jeloz ur nut liek meh" is gonna change that. Yer just like Snapesnogger, crying and cutting for attention. PREP FOR LIFE! Jack Highwind
 

„
 

—It takes a brave man to stomach all of this quivering emosity taking up precious bandwidth.

Of course, as ED had proven, there is no win without epic amounts of fail. Examples of said fail:

 
“ 		 
I am God and anyone who doesn't agree with me is a fucktard tool douchebag loser. Futhermore, I am defending My Immortal with a passion because I am awesome and Tara is my bitch. ED is for losers and dumbasses and I cannot for a sentence without profanity and ridicule.

"Wow, I have to say this...WOW. This story was all over the place: in a bad way. You need to improve your grammer BAD. Get rid of your da(m)n Mary Sue bitchy gothic fake girls, and write longer, better chapters. Or better yet, stop writing. I'm sick of little twelve year olds clogging up this site with absolute shitt like yours. Please stop writing. The only reason you have reviews is because this story literally sucks that bad. I am a beta, I know what I'm talking about here" You suck and cannot write flames worth shit, you loser. You are a fucktard and I hate you, you are the reason the world is full of morons.
 

„
 

—imjlotherealone, proving that he is indeed a self-absorbed basement dweller.

 
“ 		 
BEST. FIC. EVAR
  		„
 

—GawffickGurl666, pointing out that she is probably Tara in disguise.

 
“ 		 
OMFG THIS ROCKS THE SHIT, ON BEHALF OF ALL THE EMOS IN CLARKE COUNTY VIRGINIA THIS ROCKS LUV IT !fuck PREPS :P

I have to say your spelling needs iprovement and you should ad THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS into the story cuz ther so sxy@!! they rock out better than mcr go rhcp there lyurics are so sxy! why is everyone a goffik kid in your fic ? ecept the stuypd preps in the begging DUMBLEDORE IS A SATANIST GAH...X6X LOV it fucking lov it yor m hero tara
 

„
 

—XXXXXXXIMAGIRLWHOSSUICIDALX..., proving that an heroes rock the shit.

 
“ 		 
This is the single best fanfiction ever written. Ever.
  		„
 

—ARE YOU ON FUCKING CRACK??

 
“ 		 
omg dis was da bestest fanfikk evar!1 fangz 4 writin dis!1 I love draco he is so sexah and when I read dis I get orgies from imagining drako doing me insted of enoby!!11
  		„
 

—xXx666icutatmidddnight666xX..., proving that single person orgies are indeed possible. And that it\s more likely than you think.

 
“ 		 
...Basically: You just raped the English language. Hell, you just raped it, ran it over with a car, beat it with a Louisville Slugger, and tossed it down a garbage disposal. I can tell that English isn't your first language.. or your second.. at the moment I'm doubting that you even speak it. It's things like this that make me begin to abandon hope for the human race...
  		„
 

— Proof this fiction is making people abandon hope for the human race one chapter at a time.


[edit] Tara Fanclub

Tara's horrific writing has garnered a fanclub among the other 14-year old sluts, aptly called the Tara Gilesbie Fan Club [2]. Most of those involved a rather creepy, cult-like worship of Tara. It was this fanclub that initiated a mass translation of the story, into French, Spanish, Dutch, German, Italian, Japanese and Russian. No one has suggested to translate it into English, much to our surprise.

nredz 2 put vrtuz She also gets Nredz to put Vrtuz on your computer if you flame, so watch out!

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

[edit] Other fan clubs

[edit] Legacy

Tara has affected an entire generation of fanfic writers. She "influenced" many stories, parody or otherwise (but mostly parody).

[edit] Tara-esque Authors

See main article.

[edit] Tara-esque Stories

An epic lose list.

Comment This section is TL;DR.

[edit] The Movie

Some time ago, these movies appeared on the intarwebz. A dramatic visualization of the story, it is filled with epic win. Uses pretty pictures to keep you focused on the horrible, horrible story.

Trailer

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

[edit] The Novel

Yes, someone has decided that people would rather spend $7.48 on a book that can be read online for free. Whoever "U.N.Owen" is, his/her editing is almost as good as Tara's writing.

U.N.Owen is probably a cheap ripoff of a name in 'And Then There Were None'. It's said like 'unknown'. Incidentally, Wargrave did it.

The novel.

[edit] Other Videos

[edit] I'm Not Okay

[edit] On Fox News

[edit] imma Wiserd Part One

[edit] imma Wiserd Part Two

[edit] External Links

Image:Little Troll.gif My Immortal is part of a series on Trolls.

Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/My_Immortal"
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