X-Play
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
[edit] The Show
X-Play is a show on G4. I think that says a lot about the show on it's own. The show's hosts are two 30something-year-old (presumably virgin) basement dwelling morons who give the term retard an entirely new definition. Sadly enough as it is, this show is probably the last thing almost watchable on G4.
[edit] The Hosts
Adam Sessler is quite possibly the most annoying man in history. You've seen a thousand people like him online: the kind who try to sound witty, funny, or cool, but end up looking like a stupid fuck in the long run. There is nothing special about this man, from his ugly as sin face to his annoying voice, and the only thing worth mentioning about him is his line: "....out of five" for that is the only time he doesn't sound like a complete and utter faggot.
Morgan Webb is a failed,Canidian, recipiant of a sex change operation, toting a man face, broad shoulders, and a dumpy body. Yet she's marketed as the station's resident sexpot, mostly because 13 year old boys will jack off to anything. She delivers her lines with all the vigor and enthusiasm of someone digging into a horses ass. Her attempts to pull off a pouty anime girl or a femme fatale look Fail horribly.
HAHAHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.
On the flip side, the two are a perfect match for each other. Both are equally retarded and since it's obvious that nobody would want to come within 10 feet of them (let alone see Adam naked), they only have each other to turn to when they need to get fucked.
[edit] The Show
X-play is about as much as a "show about gaming" as Tatu is a band consisting of lesbians: both may appear to be so, but in the end, it's all bullshit.
The only reason why people bother watching X-play isn't for Morgan's rack, or because they need a good laugh at the stupidity/expense of the hosts (yes, that painful to watch). It's because every once in awhile, a game will come out from a big, popular game series and Adam and Morgan will manage to do a decent review on it.
But those are only in special cases. And even then, the review is still painful to watch.
90% of the time, the "game reviews" aren't even a review of anything. It often contains a skit that gets old before long before it even starts, and pop-up ads for G4's other shitty programming. They manage to squeeze a few sentences about the game in there, but it's so full of scripted bias that it's hard to tell until the final score is revealed. Really makes you wonder if they've even played the games that they are reviewing.
The skits are overdone at an insane rate, to the point where you either want to murder the hosts or yourself. There's usually cut-outs of celebrities that pop up just to piss you off, if there's a part of the game that they thought was funny, they replay it over and over at least 100 times, and of course the review is full of puns and comments that aren't funny or witty in any possible way.
In short, the show is made to annoy you. And it succeeds fairly well.
[edit] Score
Unfortunately for Adam, this is the only score he will ever get (other then Morgan, but he doesn't count). An unadvertised game normally gets a 3 (no matter how good/shitty it is), and a 5 is usually given to any game you've already had shoved down your throat. Occasionally they'll give a Final Fantasy game a 1, but chances are it's mostly just to piss off the fans.
They will also give a game a lower score if they have a personal inability to play the game, in which they'll blame the problem on the game itself(i.e., Metroid Prime 3, Picross DS, Ratchet & Clank on PSP). If the graphics don't make you cry from sheer beauty of it all, it will automatically get a 3 (see: every game for the Wii).
[edit] Fandom
X-play? A fandom? Right, that's like saying GoddessMillenia has friends. It's obvious that they are trying to appeal to an Internet clique by using a series of web slang and other bullshit. Adam even attempts to put on a rebel look by dissing Final Fantasy in attempts to look "cool" (just like any other "I'M DIFFERENT/SPECIAL!" moron on the Internet). But in the end the entire show is a complete failure.
If X-play does by chance have any fans (this is unlikely), the show most likely attracts the less fortunate portion of the human population, and they are certainly not worth mentioning, let alone starting drama over. Almost everything that comes out of an X-play/G4 fan's mouth is incredibly twisted or ironic in some way, shape or form. Such as:
| —Steve's Wangslave |
| —Adam Sessler |
| —Sessler |
Honestly. Who didn't find that funny?
