Youtube

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Typical YouTube users.
Typical YouTube users.
YouTube's Partnership Program is AWWWRIGHT!
YouTube's Partnership Program is AWWWRIGHT!

YouTube is a place where every illiterate fucktard on the internet converges on one website. It is also a crappy video site, which was preceded by Break.com in all manners of fugly girls posing, noobs, drag queens posing, clips from gay animes, old memes, and goth/emo videos. Practically everything in the "most viewed" and "top rated" categories are either softcore porn, clips from shit tv shows or sporting events, Youtube Poop, weeaboo faggotry, politically incendiary crap, stupid pet tricks, men measuring their manboobs (HOT!), and let us not forget underage girls shaking their asses on camera. YouTube is pure drama, the entire user base being full of emotional morons who will whine and bitch at the slightest provocation. So much as a drawn picture of another user with the words poopy head on it will instantly cause a shit storm.

It is important to note that YouTube was named by Time Magazine to be the best invention of 2006. Coming in second was a formula to prevent cervical cancer (No, srsly). Last Thursday, Google bought out YouTube and renamed it GooTube beta, shortly thereafter the era of The Promised Land began.

Unless you're hurting their e-feelings, YouTube users adore absolutely any wretched shit uploaded to their site at all. Many people like to upload hilarious videos of themselves and their friends doing something absolutely crazy like a silly dance, putting on a stupid hat, performing some asinine stunt or prank, or making a movie made of sheer faggotry for the internet to enjoy. YouTube is a website which enables every lonely and desperate low life to spend endless amounts of time pursuing some shred of E-fame whilst providing a home for all others to troll them. It allows us all to grasp The power of online video communication.

Contents

[edit] Typical Uses

The YouTubes is serious business!
The YouTubes is serious business!

Beyond finding unfunny crap to watch and interesting news clips of internet dramaz, YouTube (more like JewTube, amirite?) can also be used as a tool for queers to shove their faggotry down the throats of our great nation. Searching for "gay kiss" turns up more videos than you can shake a cock at. The ultimate pwnage for gheys is when a gay kiss video is taken down, since it gives them the opportunity to flare up and bitch about homophobia on the internets (see also YT Super Fags. If you find yourself on a gay blog or Myspace and don't see any embedded gay kiss videos, you may rightfully claim 2 free internets from the site's owner. Don't hold out though, you're much more likely to find a straight furry or a diabetic who doesn't remind you of a rhinoceros.

[edit] Things First Time YouTube Browsers Should Know

  • Within ten minutes of first clicking that link that brings you to YouTube you will inevitably find someone whom you instantly hate with a burning passion. There are no exceptions.
  • If the above rule takes effect and the object of loathing is not a 9/11 conspiracy theorist, you are probably not on YouTube. Tell them it was done by pissed off Muslims no matter what you think for lulz.
  • Yes, they have MST3K clips. Lots of them. F-YEAH.

[edit] Copyright Bullshit

Typical Youtube User.
Typical Youtube User.

100 years ago, YouTube was a haven for pirates, who made it totally awesome for us by outweighing the camwhore shit with almost every anime, TV show and porno movie you could think of. But then, one day, some faggot from NBC whined about everyone spreading a clip of The Daily Show all over the internets thereby forcing Youtube to take them off.

As a result, YouTube became Nazis and decided to wipe off every piece of copyrighted material they could find, including those taken with a shitty webcam. Although few of these remain, millions of AMVs remain untouched. YouTube also loves to pwn any account that has hosted these video clips, just for the lulz, but the so-called offenders will come back anyway and post their shit again.

Update: YouTube has now implementing an automatic pwning device to take out copyright material. The system functions by identifying code in your uploads. For example if you were to download some other useless video off of YouTube then upload it directly YouTube would reject it automatically. It can also detect other profanities such as severe violence, gore, nudity, and Trevor Rieger.

[edit] The Banhammer

YouTube punishment is usually a form of ban from the service by deleting the guilty party's account. However, it remains unclear how long the suspension lasts since YouTube doesn't know how to use email unless it deals with an idle DMCA threat. Some suggest a YouTuber's IP address may be blocked from the server to prevent them from creating another account, sometimes indefinitely. These actions are thought to be invoked for such offenses as violating YouTube's Terms of Service, trolling JackDanyells, jerking off on cam while smoking a Cuban cigar, disrespect of Mia, or promoting illegal acts. This is purely for the creation of the account, after you've registered YT does not track IP's and will not ban you if you go back to the old one. The truth is that unless you do anything that would attract the attention of law enforcement, most trolls can return immediately after they've been suspended. That is, of course, unless you were stupid enough to put your face on cam.

Thus far, YouTube has demonstrated that their policy on banning users has, and continues to be, arbitrary at best. This is because certain users are given the dreaded perma-ban by YouTube and are never allowed to return, whilst others are banned yet they are allowed to return without hinderance (i.e. Theboringdispatcher, Warren25smash, etc.) Thus there is an arbitrary discrepancy between a perma-ban and a regular ban and you'll never know which the mongoloids on the YouTube staff have arbitrarily decided to give you.

Update: YouTube has made policy changes regarding bannings. They have somewhat relaxed their policy for breaches of "Community Guidelines" but not for DMCA violations - you're shit out of luck if you were banned for those.

[edit] YouTube as explained by Sen. Ted Stevens

YouTube is not a big truck either.
YouTube is not a big truck either.

YouTube is a very great tube, on it you can see people who have made moving pictures, and put their moving picture through a bunch of gigawatts, and gilgabites, until it is on YouTube's tubes. These tubes can be viewed by other chaps and can be put on other tubes, so whether you're watching a moving picture about flying machines or the new telegraph, you can always receive jollys at YouTube, and have a gay ol' time.

[edit] YouTube as a Corporation

If you've ever wondered why YouTube doesn't seem to respond to your queries (once you've jumped through enough hoops just to contact them) or why they do not seem care about the average user - your videos being removed or flagged, an unjust banning, someone harassing you, technical glitches, suggestions for improving the site, etc. - well...here's your answer:

Google is far too busy making money off of others work to bother appeasing a YouTube "Community". Dollars and sense baby.
Google is far too busy making money off of others work to bother appeasing a YouTube "Community". Dollars and sense baby.

[edit] Every Comment Ever Made

Typical grammar insult from an Emo 16-year-old girl after being butthurt.
Typical grammar insult from an Emo 16-year-old girl after being butthurt.
  • "FIND HAWT GIRLS AT CAMAZON DOT COM!"
  • "SEXY GIRLS AT CAMZHOME DOT COM!"
  • "9/11 TRUTH OMGZ BUSH DID IT!"
  • "SEE PROFILE"
  • "RON PAUL REVOLUTION"
  • "AMERICANS SUCK!"
  • "AMERICANS RULE!"
  • "OMG SO HILARIOUS! LOL!"
  • "PLZ DONT READ One day a young girl was killed in a car crash. If you do not post this comment 20 times in the next 10 seconds she will kill you when you go to sleep"
  • "WHAT SONG IS THIS?"
  • <transcribe the punchline of the joke in the video here>
  • YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS
  • GET A LIFE AND A GIRLFRIEND A HUR HUR HURRR
  • NIGGER (Automatic if the video has a black person)
  • The middle finger copy/paste that people do just because the autistic kids want to fit in with everyone else who dislikes the movie.

[edit] Every Bulletin Ever Made

  • ZOMG UTUBE WILL CLOZE DOWN IN (insert random future month here)!!!111!!!1shift+one1!!eleven they will take down all copyright videos and close the site. sign and repost to SAVE YOUTUBE!!1!!!!!!11!!!
  • Tell everyone on your list not to open anything from rolfcopter3, evajoris, or lolapazzabalo. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. If you do not pass this letter to everyone on your friends list,we will delete your account. We need to find out who is really using these accounts. Sorry for the inconvienence.
Sincerely, The Youtube Team
  • What is your favorite color?

1. (insert name here)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

please pass this bulletin on!

  • What is your favorite food?

1. (insert your name here)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

please pass this bulletin on!

[edit] Every Video Ever Made

Typical Youtube account.
Typical Youtube account.

Need hits for your YouTube account? Now you have the power!

  1. Grab a video of dogs looking sad
  2. ???? = Set it to "Had a Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
  3. PROFIT!! [1]

Good alternatives to sad dogs are:

  • Cats falling over (steal from America's Funniest Home Videos)
  • Mudkipz or other anime
  • Totally random clip art
  • Halo games you lost
  • People getting hit by trains
  • Club Penguin for 2.8 million hits [2]
  • Disco songs that no one has heard before and/or gives a flying fuck about.

[edit] How to score some cheap lulz

If your in for some lulz, you've come to the right site. Usually go to any video which has a lot of views (suggestions would be a religious jewtubeer or some shit band videos) and just say something completely against the tide. Then a bunch of 13 year old boys will type furiouslly about how the internets is serious buisness. They'll probably send you a PM with some long bullshit about how you are wrong. Here is a generic statement for you to use:

"This is a total rip-off of ______________ (insert old band or movie name)"

Better yet, if the original poster of the video is the type to actually respond to each and every comment he gets with a long argument which fills the text limit, well you can say the most racist, sexist, bigoted comments imaginable and they will respond with accusations of trolling while also flaming you back as if they think you typed those comments in the height of serious-ity. Find a user like this and you will find yourself uttering the phrase "He's responding, he's responding, I cant believe he's responding."

The first step in getting any lulz in the above fashion first centers upon finding a tuber you don't like.
But don't worry...you will.

[edit] Handy Troll Tools

  • The Dynacat is a handy tool to back up your subscriptions. Just copy pasta them from your one account in the dynacat, log in with your other sock account, hit subscribe and it will subscribe the whole list automatically, so you will never lose your trolling friends.
  • The Youtube Account Freezer. Self-explanatory.

[edit] The Subscriber Security Hole

Some time ago Anonymous discovered whomever coded YouTube sucks and left a security hole on their website for people to exploit. It involves a YouTube user's subscribers count on their profile page and how it can be exploited.

Here's how it works:

  • 1) Subscribe to target user
  • 2) Unsubscribe
  • 3) Repeat
  • 4) ????
  • 5) PROFIT

The first time a user subscribes, the subscribers count increments by 1, but does NOT increment any time you do it again. However, unsubscribing will decrement their count by 1. Ebaumsworld eventually found note of this and decided to attack Lonelygirl15's page and bring the count from tens of thousands of subscribers down to 0. It has also been done to her longface, jew-nosed widow Danielbeast and other various YouTubers like Daxflame and VenomFangX. A script has also been developed to exploit this hole with about as much manpower as an indian call center...but nobody can seem to locate it. The glitch was short lived before YouTube employees got off their asses and did something about it, but the whining from vloggers across the site was incessant and pointed for this short period as many users were upset about losing their honorz.

Update: This was thought to have been fixed last year but it returned again in 08 to the chagrin of subscription whores.
Update: The YouTube staff finally got this shit fixed. Hallefuckingjulah, it only took them a year and a half.

YouTube Users

[edit] Dramatic YouTubers

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION?

[edit] Pathetic Youtubers

[edit] Psychopathic YouTubers

a billion dollar hissyfit
a billion dollar hissyfit

[edit] Psychopathic YouTubers that touch on Greatness

[edit] YouTube Egomaniacs

Youtube= fail
Youtube= fail

[edit] YouTube Bimbos

[edit] YouTube Lolcows

[edit] YouTube Panhandlers

[edit] YouTube Trolls

[edit] Militant Fundamentalist Believers (God Vs Science)

I saw the light hur hur hur.
I saw the light hur hur hur.
I saw the plight, so I went to McDonald's.
I saw the plight, so I went to McDonald's.

[edit] Militant Fundamentalist Christians

[edit] Militant Fundamentalist Atheists

[edit] YouTube An heroes

[edit] Memes born from YouTube

YouTube is known by emos for its hurtful messages
YouTube is known by emos for its hurtful messages

[edit] YouTube Impersonators

[edit] Beast Tube

Do you even need to fucking ask? Deleted now.HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

[edit] kissyoutube

Type in 'kiss' before a youtube video, and you can download it. Ex: www.youtube.com/whateverthehellvideoyourewatching becomes www.kissyoutube.com/whateverthehellvideoyourewatching.

[edit] Chufter

Chufter will one day replace YouTube for all your internets blogging needs. God Bless those Gay Niggers!

[edit] JewTube

All the jews come jewtube to talk about their bible and shit.

[edit] Podblanc

http://podblanc.com/ Racial or "racist" stuff that youtube bans is allowed here...

[edit] Pornotube

If you don't like jacking off to emo videos and camwhores then Pornotube is for you! Just make sure to click on Straight Content before browsing, else you come upon an absolutely gay video of three guys jacking off on each other. Due to pornotube's sorting algorithm you will probably be overwhelmed with cocks in the "straight" section as well. This is not a bug, you are a closet homosexual and they know.

[edit] Stage 6

Stage 6 was created by Divx sometime last Thursday. This site is like youtube only the video quality isn't shit and you can upload videos that are up to 2GB in size. Of course due to the lack of content all this the site is nothing more than a few high quality movie trailers and crappy AMVs. You can also download them which is useful for bringing in the anchor and becoming a Pirate OH SHI- they got B& by the RIAA. srsly.

[edit] Vloggerheads

Renetto's answer to YouTube. Predicted to die before next Thursday. See the article for moar details.

[edit] Xtube

Xtube is a copycat of YouTube, but instead of regular shitty webcam videos, this has regular shitty webcam porno videos.

[edit] YouJizz

This site has porn (duh) but it mostly contains guys blowing their loads on some random whores face.

[edit] Youporn

This site is for horny 13 year old boys with no life and an obvious addiction to cumming on there computer screens.

[edit] Yuvutu

Yet another 3rd rate porno knockoff.

[edit] 88tube

88=HeilHitler+Tube=... take a guess! Has racial music on the front page currently. http://www.88tube.net/


[edit] Typical YouTube Clips


People breaking rules 1 & 2

Furries

AZNS thinking they're king of cool


[edit] Proof That YouTube/rs Suck @ Satire

Image:YOUTUBE IS SARCASTIC.JPG

YOU ARE NOT FUNNY YOUTUBE.

[edit] FAIL!!1!

Even at flash YouTube fails...

.

[edit] Quotes

Encyclopediadramatica,Renetto,Smosh & More!

 
“ 		 
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  		„
 

— RoccosHouse

A Message to ED

 
“ 		 
Write in more MGM is gay references
  		„
 

— MysteryGuitarMan

Google Search an stuff

 
“ 		 
I actually went and did a Google search on myself. The first place I came to was Encyclopedia Dramatica
  		„
 

— DiGiTiLsOuL

[edit] Further Drama

The frequent battlecry YouTube posties fret over is its growing ties to the corporate media.

  • Paul Robinett told the New York Post "It is starting to appear as though the regular guy doesn't have a chance on YouTube anymore. The majority of the content on YouTube belongs to people like me, yet they seem to be cutting deals with everyone that owns content but us."
  • "I'm starting to feel some twinges of betrayal," said Ben Going (aka Boh3M3). They seem to be more money-oriented than I imagined."

[edit] YouTube's "Community Council"

Since Damien Estreich failed so epically his job as an advocate for the community, YouTube, in an act of pure laziness, decided to create a "Community Council" to direct any complaints (because they are too busy making money) from the "community" to 5 users puppets: Bravesgirl5, bradofarrell, sarrycrey, tlg847, Visblemode.


Of course, by now they know by now that YouTube is just using them.

[edit] It's Still Serious Business on Les Tubes

Many YouTubers continue to take the internets quite seriously and feel staunch in their position that "it's not just the internet." tlg847 (Community Council member) weighs in:

[edit] YoutTube RickRolls You

On April fools day, 2008, the fags at Jewtube redirected all featured video links to Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up, hoping users would applaud Jewtube for its originality and suck its Jew e-cock. This pathetic attempt at an April Fools joke "fooled" nearly one hundred thousand people, eventually resulting in the death of the Rickroll attempting to milk an already dead meme for everything it's worth. Not since Carson Daily Rickrolled his own audience on national television has there been such blatant faggotry, Only the Jews at Jewtube could have turned potential win into such epic fail.

[edit] Related Articles

Another prime example of Youtube fucking up the page design
Another prime example of Youtube fucking up the page design

Templates for EDiots:

[edit] External Links

Other links:

Some fine examples of Les Tubes:


Image:Ytseries logo.png Youtube is part of a series on YouTube   
Visit the YouTube Portal for complete coverage.   

Image:Little Troll.gif Youtube is part of a series on Trolls.



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