Xxxchurch

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Xxxchurch.com is the self declared "#1 Christian Porn Site", despite the distinct lack of any real christian porn (and besides, everyone knows that true followers of Christ masturbate to Mel Gibson's "The Passion"). In fact the title of the website and teh promise of christian porn are just a way of luring you to their site, which is in fact, home to an anti-porn group run by pussy hating reverend, Craig Gross.

The website should be of particular lulz value to trolls, due to the 24 hour live support, offering round the clock support to anyone who has a problem with pornography ("my dial-up modem is not not fast enough" and "how long do i nuke hard drive" being the most common questions asked).

Contents 1 Beliefs 2 Religious Services 3 You Tubes 4 Quotes 5 Gallery 6 Footnote:Trolls? 7 External Links (for your own trolling pleasure)

[edit] Beliefs

Is this shit for real?

According to the site, Ron Jeremy is The Devil incarnate. In reality, they are just jealous of the fact that a man so fat, ugly, hairy and sweaty, can get so much hawt poontang. And they are also jealous of his mammoth cock (aren't we all?).

More importantly, NO FUCKING MASTURBATING YOU SICK FUCK! the church firmly believes if you do "rub one out", God will kill a kitten. (Srsly!!11!)

Porn is an addiction, so kick your addiction for Jesus. Somehow, the site has some stories on how porn ruins lives. This is true if your a non-furry looking at furry porn of your childhood memories. And can you believe their mascot is a furry? Yep.

[edit] Religious Services

Central to the XxxChurch's (or X3, to those whose wrists cant manage to type in full) belief system is the "Porn and Pancakes" ceremony. There is little evidence as to what goes on at these events, but if wild speculation was anything to go by, you should assume that it involves sex WITH food, or the reference to "pancakes" could be code for "underdeveloped breasts". Who knows? Perhaps it is better left to the imagination.

[edit] You Tubes

Ron Jeremy stomps the shit out of Craig Gross.

The Daily Show has a go.

Pete the Porno Puppet (feat. Ron Jeremy).

[edit] Quotes

“	A lot of people think Christians sure don't struggle with this, the stats don't lie: Christians are consuming pornography. And to me, it's not a surprise.	„
—Craig Gross on the realization that more than half of Christianity is composed of men.

“	This year's show in Vegas was my third serving with xxx church. I am a professional makeup artist and was blessed enough to use my makeup skills that God has given me as a way to serve and love and connect with these girls.	„
— Rachael Conner, changing the world, one eyelash at a time.

[edit] Gallery

Christian Pron

"Is that the wank helpline? Im wearing my flatmates knickers."

[edit] Footnote:Trolls?

Considering these "anti" porn guys spend so much time in porno conventions, and so much time in the company of Ron Jeremy, not to mention PETE the porno puppet,and the DON'T SPANK YOUR MONKEY literature, you have to wonder if these guys aren't just trolls themselves. Trolls who clearly make money AND get teh pussy.

[edit] External Links (for your own trolling pleasure)

• Xxxchurch.com
• MySpace
• X3 Facebook
• New Statesman article by Craig Gross

Xxxchurch is part of a series on Christianity

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