Yngwie Malmsteen
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Yngwie is a type of Swedish custard made from equal parts technical skill and utter lack of imagination. He once tried to become well known in pop music, but no one could say his name, so everyone pretended he didn't exist. However, the interbutts has made it easy to spell his name - relegating him to a certain obscurity.
As a result of Malmsteen's journey into the obscure, he has revolted against earthlings by hoarding their cocaine, hookers and occasionally taking hostages with a sawed-off double barrel shotgun[1].
In the late 80s, on a flight to Japan, Yngwie got drunk and started ranting about how much he hated donuts and fags, when a woman suffered a hissy fit and decided to pour ice water on Yngwie (who had fallen asleep). Yngwie awoke and flew into a rage where he roared at the bitch "You released the fucking fury! YOU RELEASED THE FUCKING FURY!!!"[2], at which point he removed a guitar from the luggage rack, played an arpeggio from hell and a giant flame engulfed the woman.
Swedish news report with the audio recording of Yngwie releasing the fucking fury
Anyone who is dazzled by Yngwie's "virtuousic" technique is a fucktard, those with a keen ear will realize he only plays harmonic minor scales! the scales used by the classical composers (with a dash of Steve Vai metal) that he rips off in every song he does!
Also, Yngwie Malmsteen is gay.
In 2006, Malmsteen died of a tragic cheddar cheese overdose. His body was found inside a dumpster in Stockholm, outside the Kaseschnitzel Cheese Factory. Recently his bastard son, Yngwie K. Malmsteen, has filled his father shoes, recording and producing albums under his father's name.
[edit] Youtube Drama
Yngwie is known to throw hissy fits over the smallest things, and his recent drama with YouTube parodies of him shows it. He had one YouTuber by the name of St. Sanders banned for posting a video making fun of his shitty playing. Soon, the entire internets was outraged and the videos popped up everywhere. ED expects Yngwie to receive a large amount of butthurt for his recent faggotry.
[edit] Did you know?
Yngwie was arrested for holding his girlfriend hostage with a shotgun.
Some argue that the news report was false.
Yngwie also doesn't like donuts. Given how fat he is, this is surprising.
[edit] External Links
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Yngwie Malmsteen is part of a series on Music. |
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