Yuppie
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The direct opposite of Rednecks, a Yuppie (aka "new money," "young money") qualifies as anyone that meets the following criteria:
- Acquired wealth largely disproportionate to the amount of effort they have expended on the workplace (see: Bill Gates, Hollywood, Brad Fitzpatrick, etc...)
- Display that wealth via oversized ANYTHING
- General disdain for lower economic and social classes (see: Libertarian)
[edit] Where do I find a Yuppie?
Yuppie studies have shown that the most concentrated areas of yuppiedom are found in the eastern and westernmost points of the United States (namely Connecticut, California). Where political and ideological lifestyles are mirrored in both places by most adult Yuppies, most 16-year old girls tend to wish they were at the opposite coast for "lyke, a totally diff change of pace", because the whole of California consists of Orange County and the whole of the east coast consists of New York City to them (their parents haven't told them about places like Los Angeles' Compton and New York's Harlem). Despite the desires for "totally sweet road trips", the inner redneckery of the midwest and the job waiting for them at their "dad's dealership" for when they get out of 100% parentally paid college at some mediocre state school keeps the Yuppie children tethered to where they are. Until, of course, the next Carnival cruise boat comes to shore to take them for a vacation (to some Caribbean island where they introduce their children to the black man).
On a smaller scale, the inner workings of said Yuppie areas are tinged with smaller areas of culture that are ultimately gentrified by the encroaching Anglo-Saxon masses, who've finished their Oprah book club books and are frustrated with yet again attempting to use their new chopsticks on the 9 dollar roll of sushi they bought from "one of those gosh darn orientals". Genuine museums, studios, and neighborhoods are warped into art-douche hives, ex. Greenwich Village, NYC.
You can also expect to find them at their children's soccer practice where they spend ample amounts of time bitching out the coach for not letting their son or daughter be captain of the team despite the glaring fact their obnoxious little crotchfruit is a drooling fucktard who still shits their pants.
[edit] How do I know if I'm a Yuppie?
A yuppie will usually obsess over something stupid such as a German car or a dog. Yuppies also often have retarded children, but fail to realize that retardation is a disease that cannot be cured by any amount of "anti-depressants" (you know, drugs that don't really do anything except serve as a disgusting waste of money), private schooling, Hooked on Phonics, or voting for the Libertarians. Yuppies claim to care about the environment, but they drive the biggest SUVs on the planet and litter constantly. They also claim to be compassionate and to have a "love everybody" attitude, but just try and show any sign of diversity and they will go INSANE. Even if you just mow your lawn on a more relaxed schedule than they do.
A female yuppie (called a "yuppette" or rather, a well-groomed butch dyke - complete with the disgustingly shorter-than-neck-length hair, if not bald) will have these same traits. These vicious yuppettes will stock the fridge with nothing but hummus, LifeWater and caesar salad, avoid all brand name products, and hate her daughter's boyfriend (unless of course, he is a douchebag) but never show any sign of it because she is too cowardly to show her true feelings and thoughts (as most yuppies are).
[edit] How to annoy Yuppies
Most yuppies are oblivious to their situation, so trolling them is an easy form of lulz and drama-production that can take the form of any of the following:
- Moving into a yuppie neighborhood while being black or Mexican.
- Tilting over their SUVs by building roads with turns greater than 1°.
- Selling drugs to their privately-schooled children.
- Attempting to, in a calm, reasonable tone, defend the Communist party.
- Raving about the accurate portrayals of suburban life found in the film, "American Beauty," including:
- Pussy-whipped, secret pedophile men with epic mid-life crisis
- Controlling bitch-cunt moms
- Loathing offspring destined to perpetuate the cycle
- Ultra-conservative dads who never acknowledged their repressed feelings
- The boy next door with special needs
- The cheerleader who is just asking for it
- Extramarital affairs
- Accuse them of yuppiness.
- Insulting religion and explaining that life is a dream orchestrated by their mind.
- Invite them to contribute to any charitable offering:
- Will scoff at decent charities, i.e. Red Cross, Meals on Wheels, and that army that tries to get homeless people off crack,
- Will bring financial ruin upon themselves for charities fighting for pointless causes, i.e. "STOP WHALING NOW" or other retarded crap, or
- Many lulz derived from claiming that you contribute more than them
If you feel bad about any of this, remember: Yuppies are NOT people.
