Zach Braff Quotes
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Zach Braff is an unfunny, Jewish faggot best known for his 7 years playing Dr. John "J.D" Dorian on the mildly lulzy totally fucking stupid TV shitcom Scrubs.
He is also this year's 'little black dress' thanks to the pearls of wisdom that (allegedly) spew forth from his lips.
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[edit] Zach Braff Quotes
An Internet phenomenon akin to Chuck Norris jokes, Zach Braff Quotes is a meme that had been bubbling along through the tubes since late 2007, however, during the summer of 2008, these 'quotes' got a boost in the ratings thanks to being picked up by the Internet Meme Machine on /b/. Thusly, like the Rickroll, lolcats and numerous other 4chan favorites, Zach Braff Quotes were thrust into the Pop Culture mainstream.
[edit] The M.O.
Basically, you make up some shit and attribute it to Zach Braff. That is all. Trying to be lulzy helps but you ideally want to be as offensive and lulzy as possible. In other words, shit a /b/tard would say. A proper Braff quote will appear harmless or non-sensical on its own, but gain an entirely new, generally offensive meaning given the context in the attribution. See the following example:
| —Zach Braff on California Condors |
The following are some quintessential Zach Braff quotes:
| —Zach Braff on his upcoming romantic comedy "Trade Off" |
| —Zach Braff on reality shows |
[edit] Braffisms
"Well, at least I'm okay" - Zach Braff on 911
"I Bet they are regretting their opposition to slavery now!" - Zach Braff on the republican party
"Really, who cares? They're just animals." - Zach Braff on Chinese dog torture
"My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients." - Zach Braff on Chuck Norris
"He may seem ok now, but wait until he starts jacking the radio from air force one." - Zach Braff on Obama
"Their height makes them perfect for skull fucking. It's fine. It's not like they have any rights"- Zach Braff on midgets
"You can paint a nigger red, white, and blue, but he's still a nigger" - Zach Braff on Obama
"Well, at least Its not a Jew" - Zach Braff on Obama
" I believe the best course of action is to gather these people together, in one concentrated mass, purging them from our world in a cleansing fire" - Zach Braff on AIDS victims
" I believe the best course of action is to gather these people together, in one concentrated mass, purging them from our world in a cleansing fire" - Zach Braff on jews
" I believe the best course of action is to gather these people together, in one concentrated mass, purging them from our world in a cleansing fire" - Zach Braff on Humanity
" I believe the best course of action is to gather these people together, in one concentrated mass, purging them from our world in a cleansing fire" - Zach Braff on Tokio hotel
"Well after you fuck that bitch up you, just make sure to plant a Niggers jizz on her face and then put her in a dumpster in Brooklyn.." Zach Braff on hobbies
"Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me." - Zach Braff on abortion.
"Well, it's not like she knew I was making fun of her." -Zach Braff on autistic children
"I knew I'd made it big as an actor when he was shaking just being in my presence." - Zach Braff on Michael J. Fox
"No, they don't need anymore rights!"-Zach Braff on Blind People.
"Y'know...it only really affected the poor and the mud races." -- Zach Braff on the bubonic plague.
"He sucks dick" - Zach Braff on Zach Braff
"When you're treated badly for no reason, you get frustrated. In this case, I was through signing autographs, why can't people understand that?" -Zach Braff on assault
"Please don't call it sodomy. Don't be dumb. You sound like a dumb dumb right now. Please call it making love in your ass." -- Zach Braff on his honeymoon.
"There is nothing i love better than getting down with downs syndromes......I LOVE THOSE CRAZY BASTARDS!" Zach Braff on Downs Syndrome
"I really see no issue with it. At least half the people are enjoying it. Why spoil their fun?" -Zach Braff on rape
Officer, these autistic children are obviously ENJOYING pulling my rickshaw. - Zach Braff to a policeman
"Call them what you want, but they're still gooks." - Zach Braff on Asians
"Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me." - Zach Braff on abortion.
They speak in clicks and clacks. Do you really think they deserve freedom?" - Zach Braff on Africans
"In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs." - Zach Braff on his impact on US Foreign Policy
"You know, I had one once." -Zach Braff on sex change operations
"Well, I believe we have to give our nation's children a chance, you know?" - Zach Braff on his pornography collection
"I knew I'd made it big as an actor when he was shaking just being in my presence." - Zach Braff on Michael J. Fox
"I don't do interviews anymore. I mean, any asshole with a pen and paper can write down what I say, but only someone like Hemingway can understand what I'm really saying, you know?" - Zach Braff on interviews
"They were singing, obviously they were having a good time." - Zach Braff on Slavery
"Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?" - Zach Braff on Katrina
" Now I'm not racist, but all niggers do is eat chicken and steal car radios." -Zach Braff on blacks
"Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle." - Zach Braff on Martin Luther King Jr.
"in my opinion, it should only be considered rape when she could have done better, you know?" -Zach Braff on rape allegations against him
"If you gag a women before she can say 'no' then I don't think anybody can honestly call it rape." - Zach Braff on the complex nuances of our legal system
"God has a way of eliminating evil from the world" - Zach Braff on AIDS
"I get on okay with Donald Faison and we have a great on-set chemistry, but at the end of the day, he's still just a nigger." - Zach Braff on Scrubs
"They make decent kindling, but not if they're wet" - Zach Braff on the homeless.
"That iPod had several episodes of Scrubs on it. I'd kill myself if i lost it, too." --Zach Braff on an hero
"I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people." - Zach Braff on reality shows
"They may not have great tits or asses, but they give great blowjobs"-Zach Braff on 4 year olds.
"It's uncomfortable doing sex scenes with Sarah (Chalke) on set because she's Canadian. It's almost like pretending to fuck a nigger." - Zach Braff on the challenges of acting.
"I guess the Trail of Tears wasn't quite long enough."--Zach Braff on Native Americans
"He's not bad, but really he's just a poor man 's version of me" - Zach Braff on Jesus
"Working with Natalie Portman on my first movie was a real high. I still jerk off to her character in Leon ever day, so it was exciting to be able to do it in her trailer while she slept." - Zach Braff on the proudest moment of his career.
I'm no anthropologist, but aren't spics just spicy niggers, you know?"-Zack Braff on Hispanic culture in America.
"I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport." - Zach Braff on Homosexuals
"Its sad, because he still owes me $20" - Zach Braff on Heath Ledger's death
[edit] See Also
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